E - Everyone

Avery Trent - Chapter 23 (Jasmine and the Mind Melter)

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A/N: Hi so yeah I'm trying to continue the original 2k15 draft. This chapter is pretty dialogue-heavy and goofy and continuity is difficult and I ended it at a weird place and it felt a bit info-dumpy, but I'm just trying to find that spice that made OG AT fun to write.


To recap: last we saw Jasmine, she was captured by Cephalods (squid people) while Avery and Jason escaped. The captain of these squid people was bent on taking Jason as his bride, as per various customs in his culture etc., very comedic /s. If there are any typos or any of this hasn’t aged well or is misconstrued in any way please let me know. Also I wrote this between 2 and 3 am so catching typos myself is Out ‘til I’ve slept, haha.

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Jasmine lay in a cot and glared up at the fluorescent green ceiling. An incessant buzzing emanated from the lights in the ceiling and filled the small cell she was locked in. She'd developed quite a headache from it. That, and the sobs echoing throughout the ship.

She sighed and clamped her eyes shut.

A moment later she heard a beep and opened her eyes just in time to watch a panel in the wall slide open, revealing two of her captors standing in a narrow corridor. One blue and one green. They wielded the same stun rods from before, and one had a pair of magna-cuffs clenched in his off hand. Or, tentacle.

Jasmine sat up and stared at them.

“You will come with us, or else!” the blue one cried, pointing his weapon at her.

“Did I really have a choice?” Jasmine shot back.

He blinked. “Right. Cuff her.”

The green one hobbled into the cell as Jasmine stood from her cot, and he slapped the metallic cuffs onto her wrists. Immediately, the outer edges pulsed to life with frantic red electricity.

“So long as you don't try anything, you won't have to worry about frying a hand.”

“Gee, thanks, I've never seen magna-cuffs before.”

Apparently, she hadn't made her sarcasm clear enough, as they simply scoffed and pulled her from the cell.

One of the guards slapped a panel beside the door and it slid shut again, and the trio began the trek down a seemingly endless hallway. Now in the corridor, Jasmine was struck by just how insulated the cell had been – the sobbing echoes were much louder out here.

“What's up with your boss?” she asked.

"You should know damn well what's 'up' with him," the blue guard said. "But if you honestly can't think of it, then I suggest you drop the topic."

"Alright, alright."

The cephalods escorted her down a number of corridors, each almost exactly like the last, save for variations in the lighting colors. One sector would have orange light panels embedded in the floor and ceiling, while the next had yellow, the next green, and so on down the spectrum of color.

Eventually they reached a large empty room illuminated by simple white panels along the floor and ceiling. Viewports interrupted the uniformity of the walls to either side. Those to the right framed a pair of distant lavender suns. Those to the left, a suspiciously and unusually dark expanse of space, not a star in sight. Directly across from where the three had entered was a tall, thin, silver door, outlined in crimson.

The green guard, taking up the front of the group, marched ahead and knocked on the door. The blue guard shoved Jasmine into the center of the room, harshly and unnecessarily.

"I can walk on my own, thanks," she growled.

"Sure."

There was no answer from the door and the green guard reluctantly knocked again, harder this time.

"WHO IS IT?"

The guards both jumped in surprise and lost their voices for a moment.

"It's-- It's Bradley, sir."

"WHO?"

"Er-- Bradley? I'm one of the guards--"

"NEVER HEARD OF YOU. WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

"We have the prisoner here for you, Captain, sir."

"WELL WHY DIDN'T YOU LEAD WITH THAT. SEND HER IN."

The door parted in the middle, horizontally, and zipped open. The green guard turned and gestured for the other to bring Jasmine, but she was ahead of them both and walked in herself. The guards were just about to follow suit when--

"ONLY HER."

-- and the door snapped shut between Jasmine and the guards.

The room beyond the door was incredibly dim. She hadn't realized with the door open and the light from the previous room pouring in, but now with it shut again, she could barely see a thing. She tried squinting through the darkness to gain a sense of her surroundings, but it wasn't much help.

"APPROACH." The voice was simultaneously barking and shrill. It felt like metal scratching metal in her ears.

Cautiously, she shuffled forward, barely lifting her feet as she felt her way into the room. The area directly inside the door seemed to have been a short, narrow hallway, and when she reached the end of it the room itself was a bit easier to see. Dim orange lamps lined the walls and the viewports were on an opaque setting, blocking out any external light. She could vaguely make out a figure sitting at a desk, in a high-backed chair between the two large viewports. She wasn't sure whether this setting was meant to be intimidating or if the squid captain had just been sulking after two-thirds of his new prisoners had escaped.

"APPROACH NEARER," he shrieked harshly, jolting Jasmine from her absorption of the scene.

She did as she was told, eyeing the rest of the room through the corners of her eyes in case she missed anything more important. Apparently, she had. Off to her left, poorly hidden behind a dead potted plant, was a glowing red sign that read "PERSONAL ESCAPE POD".

There's no way, she thought, aghast at how poorly contained this place was.

As she reached the desk the captain gestured to the seat on her side and she sat down, slowly. The captain leaned forward, setting two (elbows?) on the desktop and crossing his (fingers?).

"So," he said, finally speaking at a reasonable volume. His voice was still quite shrill. "Do you know what you've cost me?"

Jasmine shrugged nonchalantly. "Maybe I do, maybe I don't. I'd say we did a number on your boys and your cargo, but I'm not sure that's what you mean."

"It is NOT! I mean the bride! My bride!" the captain slammed a clenched tentacle on the desk, nearly standing from his seat. "You-- I-- Dammit, I can't work in this lighting, hold on."

He leaned backward and slapped a switch on the wall behind him and the lamps in the room immediately brightened. Jasmine flinched as her eyes were forced to abruptly adjust. The captain seemed to do the same, and took longer to recover. As he frantically blinked his giant glassy eyes, Jasmine got a clearer look at the alleged escape pod. It looked legit enough, and the structure of the ship implied by the viewport placements didn't contradict the possibility. Maybe it really was going to be that easy.

When the captain had finally recollected himself, he continued.

"Yes. So. My cargo, my 'boys', as you put it. But what do those matter when true love-happiness! - slipped from my grasp? You cost me my bride, and I demand reimbursement!"

"Whoa, hold on," Jasmine held up her still-cuffed hands. "If you're expecting me to replace that guy, no way pal."

"WHAT? No! Don't be disgusting! I barely even know you!"

Jasmine squinted, waiting for the irony to sink in. It didn't.

"Okay, well, what do you want from me, then?" she asked.

"I want you to summon him back, obviously! I want you to bring him back to me!"

"Right." She mused on it a moment. "You do realize I, also, barely knew those guys, yeah?"

"Wha-? But, but you were traveling with them, were you not?"

"I mean, I could say the same about you and your crew out there." She lifted both arms and pointed a thumb at the room behind her. "You barely knew dear old Bradley out there. It really hurt him, you know."

"I-- That's different, they are my employees--"

"So you don't vet your crew? You said you'd never heard of him!"

"I never said that!" the captain sputtered, turning a bright magenta color. "You are just trying to confuse me and change the subject so that you can keep my bride for yourself! But that won't happen. I will have my bride back!"

"Well, sure, but how do you expect me to help you with that?"

"You knew them, at least a little. You were familiar with their ship, surely? You could identify it if you saw it, yes?"

Jasmine blinked. "You mean the silver can. The giant. Silver. Cylinder. You need me to identify that for you."

"Yes, yes, what's the problem?"

"It-- never mind. Okay. How do I find it though?"

"You don't need to worry about that. I'll have someone escort you. They're the best hunter I know. You just need to be there to ensure it's the correct ship, and the correct bounty... Bride. Bounty. You get it!"

Jasmine paused to let the conversation sink in. The captain's energy was somehow more chaotic than Avery and Jason's had been in her short time with them, and it was a lot to handle. But, this was shaping up to be a pretty easy escape either way it went; escape pod or Bromleigh. It had practically been hand-wrapped for her. (Tentacle-wrapped?)

"Okay. Fine. Who's this hunter, then?"

The captain seemed to smile at her conceding to help. At least, his eyes did, as smiling with a beak is quite difficult. "They are very skilled at their job. They go by Bromleigh. Whether that's their true name or not you can work out on your own time, if the drama and mystique piques your interest, but for now that's all you need to know. They'll be here in fifteen minutes."

"Oh, so they were already on their way, or what?"

"Oh, yes, they had an appointment to pick up the last payment I owed them so they were going to show up anyway. I've got the invoice right here-- GRR!!" he pointed an accusing tentacle at her and glowered. "You're doing it again."

Jasmine played along with a little shrug and grin, but inwardly rolled her eyes. She just needed him to remove her cuffs and she could incapacitate him, get to the pod, and be out of here. Long before this Bromleigh even docked, too. Things would go so much smoother if she could avoid having to fight and mutiny some bounty hunter whilst totally unarmed. She could do it if she had to, but she would prefer not to.

"So what do we do while we wait?" she asked.

"We? No, we don't do anything. You sit here and wait, and I'm going to handle some other business." With a knock on the desk, he rose from his seat and scuttled to the door.

Jasmine didn't turn to watch him go. She waited for the hiss of the door opening, then the snap of it shutting, then she checked. He'd really left.

She jumped to her feet and hurried around the desk, hoping for drawers. There were a lot, but none seemed locked. She yanked open the first one on the left but found nothing. Next one, nothing. Next, nada. Again, zilch. She kept opening and shutting drawers, up and down the desk, until she yanked one open and found what she was looking for. Or, not what she was looking for exactly, but something useful. A large silver key. The magna-cuffs she'd been saddled with, she'd noticed when first acquainted, were horrendously outdated. Still unlocked by simple keys. Not like the classic coded ones used in modern galactic prisons that required an engineer to unlock, or the grizzly Lich-Tech variety that required blood to open. Very popular among cultists, that one. No, for these just about any key would do.

She scoffed once again at just how ridiculously dimwitted these cephalods seemed to be. Then she paused and considered everything again. So caught up in an easy escape route, she hadn't stopped to realize how suspiciously simple this all was. She'd been out of the field too long. Gotten soft, slow, dull. But no, it had to be something else. Nobody was stupid enough to run so quickly into such an obvious trap. So why was she?

A twinge in her brain distracted her and she clutched her head, dropping the key. The sensation drifted away and she lowered her hands, blinking slowly. She felt confused. What had she been thinking about? She looked down and saw the key on the floor between her boots and nodded.

Right. Escape.

She knelt down, scooped the key up, and maneuvered it into the slot on the bottom of her cuffs. With a soft click, the electric currents vanished and the cuffs snapped open. Her hands were free and she was on the verge of freeing the rest of her.

Tossing the cuffs aside, she marched for the escape pod door and kicked the potted plant corpse aside. With a giddy feeling bubbling up inside her, she touched the panel beside the door. It was a simple activation panel, no sensor, so it should open for anyone. But the door didn't budge.

She tried again and nothing. She frowned.

Then she heard a hiss behind her. The main door opened and the captain scuttled back inside.

"AHA!!" he shrieked. "I knew it! I knew you would try to escape!"

Jasmine swore and dropped into a fighting stance, but she felt that same twinge in her head again and nearly fell to her knees.

"Yeah--" she groaned, pressing her fingers to her temples. "It's just something prisoners do."

"Well, I'm glad to see it," the captain said.

Jasmine didn't understand, but the pain in her head was swelling and this time she actually did fall to the ground.

"Glad to see that our brand new Mind Melter works oh so exquisitely! Oh, you don't seem to understand. Don't worry, I'll explain it to you. It's not like you'll remember it anyway."

"Could you shut up?" Jasmine growled, pressing her forehead to the ground and gritting her teeth.

"Please, no need to be so rude," he chided. "I had to test it on someone. Had to know it would work for my beautiful bride, once you returned him to me! Couldn't have him running off again, could I?"

Jasmine groaned and rolled onto her back. The twinge was more like a flaming fist grabbing her brain now and she could barely process the words drifting around the room.

"Oh," he said, noticing her struggle, "it seems it's working a bit too well. You might forget everything that's happened here. Shame. But not to worry, I'll write down your instructions so you can read and remember them when Bromleigh has you out of range. Night-night, now."

And as if on cue, Jasmine's world went black.

Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
keystrings
Review

Hello there! I actually am old enough to remember bits of this story back when it was first published, but it's been a long while since then. I figured I would stop by though and find a way that I can help you out. Thank you for summary at the top since that is very useful so that I've got some idea of what is happening.

I like Jasmine. She seems to be both smart and practical, which are two traits highly important when trying to negotiate terms with anyone, let alone a Cephalod. (On a side note, I like the name because I had to know some of these classifications for my Zoology class.) The description isn't too over the top, and I think basing different "aliens" off animals works well in any case, as I kind of imagine these Cephalods as squid that stand up tall, and can move around in something that isn's just water.

The fact that this Cephalod leader wants to marry Jason and doesn't care about the possible issues that come from kidnapping, forced marriage, marrying to someone of a totally different type of creature/species, and then the overall idea of just because someone has pink skin and you have purplish-skin doesn't mean that you're going to work out as a pair.

I must say, I love science-fiction stuff that has alien-oid figures and that they describe blushing/flushing/changes in one's skin color/tone because I don't know, it makes them feel more relatable in some way ? I just always like that kind of thing.

I was gonna ask as to the ages of everyone in this because I think the humor is light-hearted, and it seems to be a bit more on the silly side than the actual scary side (correct me if I'm wrong), but I forgot if these people are supposed to be young adults or teenagers. I'm mostly just curious since I think age can factor in as to how people respond to others.

I think this is all pretty well-written, and as it's midway through a story, it's hard to knock on the plot line, so I think you've got a nice re-jump into writing Avery Trent. Until next time!

heyoo thank for visiting!

you%u2019ve got the appearance of cephalods down pat lol
on the alien flushing skin tone thing do you mean how i like uhhh like not everyone flushes red like you read in Human books? idk if I did that in this chapter but I know I did in the last bit I wrote (off site) and this reminded me of it- rEgardless yes I try to do that and enjoy it too

uhhh loose canonically, avery is supposed to be about 24, jason 27? and jasmine 26 (then jason%u2019s brother lukas is like. 34 or something but he didn%u2019t exist in this draft) idk how old captain cornelius quell is or how cephalods age differently so that%u2019s up to the reader! lol

oH but ya on the whole silliness thing- def intentional- when I started this story I%u2019d just read HHGTTG and. AT actually started as a series of short word war results heavily inspired by Hitchhiker%u2019s Guide lol- thennn I went and kept writing it and ended up here

anyway yes whoop thank for review I%u2019ll hopefully try and. write more of these guys soon- have been daydreaming about the lukas/ricard spinoff as of late

,,, yewis and its apostrophe bug

User avatar
WaterSpout
Review

Hello, Hattable, I hope you are doing good! I came here after seeing it in the Green Room for about four days now and I thought I'd take the chance to review this first. So, here I am. Hopefully you find this useful and in no way offensive. I've read that you wrote this at two am?! I guess ideas can come at you anytime.
Without further ado, I'll start with my review.


She'd developed quite the headache from it.

I suggest you change the -> a. Though I can see how the could make sense.

They wielded the same stun rods from before, and one had a pair of magna-cuffs clenched in his off-hand. Or, tentacle.

That needs a hyphen. I know, it seems like I'm nitpicking, but it can come into importance when deciding the right time to add a hyphen. Also, I noticed you spelled magna-cuffs with a hyphen here, but in another sentence you spelled it altogether.
“Gee, thanks, I've never seen magnacuffs before.”

For the sake of consistency, try staying with just one spelling of it. If not, that is fine, it's not much of a big deal.

Immediately, the outer edges pulsed to life with a frantic red electricity.

This doesn't seem like it needs a. You could try changing it to a comma.

Apparently(,) she hadn't made her sarcasm apparent enough, as they simply scoffed and pulled her from the cell.

That is an introductory word, so it needs a comma, even if you intend to read it all together quickly with no pause.

The (1)cephalods escorted her down (2)a number of corridors, each almost exactly like the last, save for variations in the lighting colors.

  1. I think you meant cephalopods
  2. You could try shortening that to: several, many

As he frantically blinked her giant glassy eyes, Jasmine got a clearer look at the alleged escape pod.

Did you mean him?

When the captain had finally recollect himself, he continued.

I think you meant recollected.

Whether that's their true name or not you can work out on your own time if the drama and mystique (1)piques your interest, but for now(2) that's all you need to know.

  1. You don't need the s
  2. Add a comma

There were a lot, but none seemed locked.

Maybe change that to was

She knelt down, scooped the key up, and (1)manuevered it into the slot on the bottom of her cuffs. With a soft click(2) the electric currents vanished and the cuffs snapped open.

  1. manuevered -> maneuvered
  2. Add a comma

Aand, that is it. I hope you found this useful.
With caution,

WaterSpout

Heyo! Thanks for the review
Wow I missed a lot of these. Guess that's what I get for writing at 2AM

I didn't catch the magna-cuffs/magnacuffs issue but will fix that! Was the other hyphen issue me typing "offhand" instead or something? Not sure what you were referring to there

I think the typo of her/him was from me cutting out a few sentences and not fully proofreading them ohno!!

The "cephalods" thing is actually the name I'd given this alien species way back when I first wrote them- it's based on cephalopods, but yeah cephalods was intentional

I think the 's' on "piques" is correct there, given the context?
Rip on missing recollect/recollected- another product of 2AM writing rip in peace- and dang I could've sworn I'd spelled "maneuvered" right but that word always evades me

tHAnk you for catching all that though!

Also yes the suggestion to drop the "the" in "the frantic red electricity" is p good- as is changing "quite the headache" to "quite a headache" - idk what I was thinking

"There were a lot" is because I was referring to drawers, so "there was a lot of drawers" wouldn't be correct. Like. I think the way it works is if the word has an 's' or '-es' or whatever, like the word itself is in its plural form? then it's "were", but if it's not, but still referring to a lot, then it's "was"? For example: "there was a lot of grass", "there were a lot of marbles" "there was a lot of food" "there were a lot of cows"


ANYWAy I don't mean to review back your review and I hope this doesn't come off as defensive or anything?? It's midnight again and I just worked a 10 hour shift and I like to respond to eVEry bit of a review

But yes, thanks v much!!

Oh, ok, that makes sense, about the cephalods. And the other hyphen issue I had was you typing offhand, but it actually doesn't need it. And no, this did not come off as defensive in any way.
Thank you for taking the time to respond and correcting me in my own grammar, that's really helpful! Hopefully I won't make the same mistakes with other works I review.
Thank you! I guess we both helped out each other :)



ah yes my boiling cheetohs
— tatteredbones