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Young Writers Society



Avery Trent - Chapter 12 (Circles)

by Hattable


Blinking his eyes open from a deep, heavy nap, Avery heaved a sigh and rose to his feet.

“Jason, we've been flying for hours. Where're we going?” he asked groggily, rubbing an eye.

“In circles,” Jason replied, staring intently out the large windshield, beyond which laid the murky depths of space.

“What?” Avery queried, grabbing the arm of Jason's seat and hunching over against the glare he caught on the windshield. He peered through the glass and into the dark, trying to catch sight of something that might explain Jason's minimal answers, but nothing proved informing.

“Circles, Avery,” Jason exhaled. “You know those round things you study in preschool? We're making those with the ship.” Avery turned his head to stare at Jason in a bewildered sort of manner. “It's pretty fun,” Jason added, oblivious to Avery's reaction.

With another sigh and a set of slouched shoulders, Avery slumped back in his seat and stared at the ceiling.

“Jason.” he spoke after a decent amount of ceiling-gazing. “How far are we from Earth?” Jason sat up abruptly, keeping his face pointed ahead.

“Err...” He quickly turned to a screen on his right and pressed a few buttons, then muttered to himself and did the same with a screen on his other side. Spinning back to the first screen, he pressed another series of buttons before returning his sights out the windshield.

“Jason?” Avery repeated.

“A long way, bud,” the pilot replied. “A really long way, alright? So just buckle in and chill out.”

“No, I was gonna ask...” Avery began solemnly.

“Eh?” Jason prompted.

“Can we go back for Jasmine?”

Jason spun in his chair and stared at Avery as if he were his Lessgood doppelganger.

“'Can we go back for Jasmine?'” Jason tapped his fingers on one of his armrests. “No, sorry, can't do that.” Avery's heart sunk. He tried to formulate a protest, but Jason spun himself back around to the controls and dismissed any further interaction.

The ship decided to take over the quiet with the sounds of its lurching and creaking. One of the light fixtures in the floor beside Avery's chair flickered. Slipping a concerned glance back at the locked-down closet door, Avery shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

“Well that's just... rad,” Jason stated sarcastically, dragging himself from his seat and hurrying to another door towards the rear of the cabin, this one on a side wall. He pushed it open, disappearing inside with a jumpy little jig.

Avery raised an eyebrow and wondered how he could have missed all of these doors before. Sighing once again, which brought his record to an obscene amount of sighs, he surveyed the empty cabin. It was the first time he'd been alone in it, he observed, and all of the flashy screens and unusual little buttons and shiny silver switches greatly intrigued him.

Standing and approaching the control panel, he swung his gaze about. He knew he shouldn't, but it was really quite a difficult job, containing his curiosity. Surely he couldn't do that much harm?

No, you're definitely going to do a lot of harm, he told himself. He paused for a moment to contemplate this. Before the moment could draw itself out for too long, though, he shrugged and fell upon the controls.

Flipping switches and jabbing buttons, Avery threw caution to the vacuum of space. Then he instantly regretted doing so.

Avery!” His ears flooded with the sound of anger and he spun on his heel to face a steaming mad alien. “What the bloody Mars do you think you're doing?!” Jason bellowed in his face. Avery stumbled backwards over the pilot seat and landed on his backside, with a grunt, on the opposite end. Petrified, Avery watched as Jason's bright pink complexion transformed into a searing red tone, and his previously spiky hair grew somehow spikier.

Can I not run off to the little spaceman's room without some dimwitted, wool-brained idiot messing with my ship?” Jason spit and spewed, gritting his teeth as the last words flew from his mouth.

Quite expectedly, Jason ran his mouth off into a world of profanity, cursing Avery's heritage, “stupid round face”, and at least two prominent English footballers, whom he seemed to think were some focus of worship back on Earth, (though, admittedly, perhaps they were to some folk. People tend to take their sports very seriously).

Stopping halfway through ripping his hair out, Jason glared at Avery, who had slowly dragged himself away from the control panel. Marching over to him and grabbing him up from the floor, Jason snarled in Avery's face.

“If you ever touch anything in this ship again, without my permission...” His words trailed off as he dropped Avery and returned to his chair. “Buckle up,” he said sternly. Avery rose to his feet, careful and quiet, and made his way back to his own chair. Jason pressed some buttons on one of his screens, muttering to himself about “idiot humans” and “control backlogs” and “did I use soap this time?”

Meanwhile, Avery busied himself with regaining control of his now rapid breath and asking himself what the hell he'd been thinking. Not many appropriate answers came up, and he just resorted to hoping Jason wouldn't ask again.

“You hungry?” Jason asked after some thousand eternities of awkward silence.

“Er...” Avery replied, his nerves still on edge.

“How often do you humans eat anyway?” Jason asked, glancing in the novelty rear-view mirror positioned above the windshield.

“Er, at least three times a day, usually,” Avery replied nervously.

“Hmm...”

That marked the end of the conversation, and the cabin was once again taken over by the sounds of the ship's moaning and creaking, accompanied by the occasional buzz of a flickering light. Avery wondered when Jason would address these issues. He then found himself wondering if alien spaceships had insurance, or if aliens had even thought of insurance, or if there was even some form of currency in space. And was it intergalactic, or did you have to exchange some currency for a different kind when you entered another system?

Avery continued to distract himself with these thoughts until Jason tossed him back a large green helmet that, Avery was sure, would never fit his head. It had a surprisingly hideous golden visor and white lines streaking down its sides, meeting in the back before shooting upward and over the top, ending in a sort of stretched U right above the visor.

“Uh...?” he sounded.

“What, never seen a helmet before?” Jason asked, grabbing himself a new silver one after he'd lost his black one on the Cephalod ship.

“Why do we need these?” Avery asked.

“Two reasons,” Jason replied, shoving his head into his helmet. “One, we're going out onto an unprotected parking platform. And two,” he pressed a large icon on a screen, reading 'Auto-Landing'. “We can't let anyone know you're a human.”

“How come?” Avery asked, hesitantly slipping his own helmet on. He was shocked to find some sort of computerized interface on the inside of the visor and momentarily forgot about his question. Jason tapped impatiently on Avery's visor like one of those damn snot-nosed brats tapping on the glass at an aquarium.

Quickly sliding the helmet off and clearing his throat, Avery looked expectantly up at Jason.

“We can't let anyone know you're a human,” Jason repeated pointedly. “Because humans aren't supposed to exist.”


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766 Reviews


Points: 650
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Sat Apr 09, 2016 5:33 pm
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Brigadier wrote a review...



Hey there Hattable. It's just lizzy dropping in by parachute trying not to annoy you with a common intro to a review.

If this hadn't been floating around the Green Room for so long, I wouldn't have touched it. I also have absolutely no clue what you are doing with the story at this point, not that I really did before either. It's something about space travel and adventurers, right? If I got that wrong sorry but there's really only two genres that come to mind that fit the title. And I'm pretty sure this isn't a Sam Spade era detective novel.

“Circles, Avery,” Jason exhaled. “You know those round things you study in preschool? We're making those with the ship.”

I really hope this was meant to be sarcastic or some other form of humor. If not, it's probably bad that I laughed at something so serious. I wouldn't have associated with the rest of the plot and I figured this was going to lie more on the serious side.

Jason pressed some buttons on one of his screens, muttering to himself about “idiot humans” and “control backlogs” and “did I use soap this time?”

At this point I threw away that last little thread of thought that this was indeed not supposed to be a comedy. *claps for bad jokes in the middle of some guy getting beat to a pulp*

So I'm really guessing at this point but I need answers.
1. Are your two characters here, the main character and his friend/companion/pilot/whatever, humanoid alien species? Oh crap. Just noticed the bottom line. So Trent is a human but I'm guessing Jason is humanoid from the way he talks. Like he has blended in for a long time but he's not human.
2. Who is this Jasmine character? Somebody's sister or ex-girlfriend or loved one of some kind?
3. Okay non-existence of humans sort of surprised me. I didn't expect that though I should have. And I'm sure that's going to be revealed somewhere else.

And this had absolutely nothing in the way of a real critique. Shame on me but I can't find anything wrong. At the same time I hate and love the fact there were no mistakes, mostly hate.
Anyways, that's all I have. Laugh at my review if you like or you don't even have to read it.
Have a nice day.
Lizzy
Queen of the Book Clubs
I don't care what review I'm on at this point.




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Thu Mar 10, 2016 3:39 pm
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Songmorning wrote a review...



Hi! I've finally made it back around to "Avery Trent"! Since I'm trying to focus on clearing the Green Room now, I just read the earlier chapters, but I'm going to review this one. As for those other chapters, though, they were as funny and engaging as ever, with little human moments put in everywhere. My favorite was when Jason went through a door to get some things and Avery followed him, but he just ended up awkwardly bumping into him as he was coming back out. I can relate to that experience so much! XD I was also surprised when I found out that Jason was Quell's intended bride, since I had automatically assumed it was Jasmine. I'm sure that's what you intended. :)

Now on to this chapter...It's gotten rather intense now, although I suppose it's been rather intense ever since the prologue.

“In circles,” Jason replied, staring intently out the large windshield, beyond which laid the murky depths of space.

That made my eyebrows shoot up. I never expected to see it as an answer to "Where are we going?" But in this story, I should learn to expect the unexpected. Very good.

“'Can we go back for Jasmine?'” Jason tapped his fingers on one of his armrests. “No, sorry, can't do that.” Avery's heart sunk. He tried to formulate a protest, but Jason spun himself back around to the controls and dismissed any further interaction.

This is altogether different than what I'm used to seeing in heroes of stories. On Jason's side, there's a complete heartlessness, and on Avery's, a vague desire to save her, but far too much apathy to do anything about it--and too much awkwardness to say anything about it. I think, rather like "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy", it brings us face-to-face with some realities of human nature: that not all people are heroes who would risk anything for their friends. There are people who care too much about saving their own skin to even think of it, and others who are two weak-willed to stand up against that. I find Avery to be the more convicting character here, since if I was in this situation, I don't know whether I really would be a hero, or whether I would just feebly try to protest and end up not saying anything at all. In what areas of my life am I silent out of apathy or awkwardness when I should be standing up for someone?
Hahahaha, I don't know if you've intended for all these thoughts to come out of what you've written here, but...maybe you have.

He pushed it open, disappearing inside with a jumpy little jig.

I had a little trouble envisioning that one. Jason just kind of glitched a little in my mind as he went through the door, like a video game character.

Sighing once again, which brought his record to an obscene amount of sighs, he surveyed the empty cabin.

Oh, hahaha. I like how you pointed that out. In fact, I hadn't noticed that he was sighing all the time, but when you mentioned it, it made me look back and realize that he had, in fact, been doing that.

Surely he couldn't do that much harm?

No, you're definitely going to do a lot of harm, he told himself. He paused for a moment to contemplate this. Before the moment could draw itself out for too long, though, he shrugged and fell upon the controls.

Ah yes, that moment of clarity before one plunges into complete stupidity. Also an experience I can relate to.

Quite expectantly, Jason ran his mouth off into a world of profanity,

I think you meant "expectedly" as apposed to "unexpectedly"--even though "expectedly" isn't a word (according to my computer's spell check). It's all right to breach the "real-word" rules here a little, since your readers will know what you mean. "Expectantly" refers to an attitude of anticipation.

Avery looked expectantly up at Jason.

Here you used the word correctly...I guess the other incident could've just been an autocorrect or spell-check error.

“We can't let anyone know you're a human,” Jason repeated pointedly. “Because humans aren't supposed to exist.”

Oh! That was a surprise...I wonder why that is...

Well, this chapter felt honestly quite directionless, but I think that's mainly because they didn't go back for Jasmine. If they had, there would have been a goal they'd be working toward, but there isn't. This isn't a criticism; I've just felt vaguely existentially bothered that Jasmine seems to have dropped completely out of the story, and I don't even know if she'll ever appear again, since they don't care enough to help her. If your intent was for readers to feel vaguely existentially bothered, than kudos. :)





Almost all absurdity of conduct rises from the imitation of those whom we cannot resemble.
— Samuel Johnson