Young Writers Society

JCobsesed wrote:
There’s always this one song that say’s exactly how you feel, and you listen to it. The magic sets in. You hear the words and your mind wanders to that one person. The person who holds your heart, the key that set the lyric's magic in motion.
Was it that first song? When you realized it was something for the very first time, a warmness of the soul.

This is so sweet. It reminds me of Snow Patrol's song, Chasing Cars. The sentiment is just so sweet and romantic, it's so nice to read.

That being said, I think you need to spend a little more time crafting your writing. Take the time to bring every sentence to it's full potential. In something this short and poetic, you need to make sure that every sentence shines and flows into the sentence after that. I think you've got a good start, but it could use some polishing up.

It’s the way songs just touch you in a way you thought was just out of reach.

Mebbe you can do something about the repetition of "way" here.

The words ‘I love you’ can’t do justice.

That sentence feels incomplete.

The magic sets in. You hear the words and your mind wanders to that one person. The person who holds your heart, the key that set the lyrics magic in motion.

The repetition of magic again bugged me...and maybe an apostrophe after lyrics? I think it should be lyrics'...although I'm not Queen of Grammar so I could be wrong...

Was it that first song? When you realized it was something for the very first time, a warmness of the soul.

Another repetition...


As we walk down that isle together,

I think you mean aisle....I think...I might be wrong, but the isle you have here is that body of land surrounded on four sides by water...

I like the idea of it, a love that nothing can express, not all the love songs or love quotes in the world and I like what you tried to do with it...this was just a little confusing in parts to me...although again I can't say I'm entirely sure why I found it so but still...overall I did like this though!!