The Choice

Dear Reader,

This peice contains more than one sensitive topic, and may offend some. My apologies to those people. This is a one part story. There will be no follow up...

The Choice

It was completely my fault. I mean, how stupid do you get? Having sex,

unprotected none-the-less. I knew the possibilities.

“Oh, don’t worry, I’ll pull out just before,” I believed it. He even

did, yet still I’m forced to sit here, his hand in mine waiting to see the

results.

The minute passed, dragging on like a marathon of time,

divided up into seconds, milliseconds. Eternities.

And finally I stood up, reached out and greeted my fate.

“Blue,” I said. My heart pounded in my chest, my hand that

held the white strip shook so bad I could barely see the outline of it.

“B-but…that’s not possible…I mean…I didn’t actually, you know,

go all the way…” Jake shook his head in his palms. I watched him through

the mirror, holding myself up on the sink. I couldn’t breathe.

“I know, but…”

“Did you…with anyone else?” He asked, avoiding the word.

“No Jake,” I said harshly, “I did not have sex with anyone else.”

“Then how did this happen?” He raised his head from his hands,

staring at me through the mirror. I stared back.

“You-were-there,” I said through gritted teeth.

“I know I was there,” he threw his arms up in the air, “but I told

you-”

“Look, it doesn’t matter what went wrong, or what happened,

just that it happened at all, okay!” I nearly yelled in return. Jake calmed

down, letting his head fall back down into his hands.

‘I’m so sorry Jessie,” he said, “So sorry.”

“I just…I don’t know what to do,” I said.

“I’ll be here, whatever your decision, I’ll support it.” Jake looked

at me again through the mirror, his face was now calmer and determined. I

knew he hated himself at the moment. I thought he might even hate me.

“Thank you,” I said quietly, finally letting the strip fall down into

the sink.

“So, what are we going to do?” He asked.

“I don’t know.” I shook my head and leaned more heavily

against the sink.

“Come here babe,” Jake extended one of his arms out to me

and patted his lap with the other. I sat down and let my head drop to his

shoulder. Tears began to slowly make their way down my face. Like me

they were only half spirited.

“I can’t keep it,” I finally said.

“You don’t mean…” Jake’s voice trailed off.

“Yeah, I do…Like I said, I can’t keep the baby…you and me

can’t. We have a future to think about, high school and collage. I don’t

want to jeopardize that.”

“But this is a human,” Jake said, “A real person, waiting to be

born. Abortion would be…murder.”

“I know, but I already said-”

“I know what you said, but…I don’t want you to get an abortion.”

“You said you would support me!” I exclaimed. I tried to stand

back up, knowing the wall would be better support than Jake, but he held

onto me tighter.

“I meant you keeping the baby, us being a family.”

“That wont work out!”

“Why not?” Jake asked.

“Why not?” I repeated, “We’re too young. You and me are too

unstable as a couple, we’ve just gotten through a really rough patch, and I

don’t think we’re parent material quite yet.”

“Or you just don’t want to have a family with me,” Jake

accused, “You don’t love me as much as you said you did.”

“Jake,” I tried.

“No,” he lifted me out of his lap, “I’m sorry Jessie, but like you

said, you and me are too unstable. We can’t be together.”

“No, please don’t leave,” I said. I tried to keep the door closed,

but he pushed through and walked out the door without a word. He walked

out of my life.

“Jake,” I called out, but there was no answer. I dropped against

the wall, leaning on it with all my weight. Tears fell down my face fast and

warm. My head tilted to the side, in the reflection of the mirror was the

pregnancy test, taunting me with it’s presence. I wrapped it in toilet paper

and took it outside to throw it away in the garbage can.

Many months have passed since that day. Tears have come and

gone. I have found myself, and then lost myself again.

I will always remember how my fate intervened with my choice.

How three weeks after I decided to keep the baby I miscarried. How I never

saw Jake again. I will always remember the day I saw the first hint of blue

and thought, “Oh my God, how could that happen to me?”

But more than that I will always remember how one choice

changed, and continues to change the course of my life.