We used to be so perfect. A lot of people would call it love. I just called it trust. Then something happened along the way that put an end to all of that. I just want to know why.
Why wasn’t I enough?
Did you even know what you were doing?
Since that day my life has turned into a story. The kind I would
read and cry myself to sleep thinking about. Thinking it would never be me, not as long as I had you. But it seems the exact opposite has happened.
You became my storybook.
What happened to us? We used to be so perfect. People would
see us walking down the street, and think, “God, aren’t they cute?” Every
night would be tinted with thoughts of you, and every morning would
overflow with them. We were each others everything.
Until her.
The one who you used to be everything to, the one that used to
be your everything. She came and showed me what it’s like to lose you.
But you wouldn’t let me know, you didn’t leave me. But you
couldn’t tell her no.
Words can’t say how much it kills to live everyday with the
knowledge that I was never enough for you. Even worse was what you were
willing to do.
What happened to us?
Where did we go wrong?
Why did I forgive you? She’s coming back, I know it. Someday
she’ll be back, and she’s going to want you. That I can promise.
Maybe you’ve learned, who knows? Maybe you’ll have the
strength to tell her no for once, and people can continue to look at us
thinking, “God, aren’t they cute?”
Or maybe I’ll be stuck in the background thinking “What
happened to ‘you and me’?”
We used to be so perfect.
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125,014 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
I really, really, really like this. It was nicely written and I can relate. Good Job!! Keep Writing!!!
This was very smartly done with the repeating sentences and how you created the strong image of how nothing was changing. The only thing i wish would have been to know how strong the bond between the couple was even more. A little bit more description or another sentence or two about how they use to be. That would (for me) set up the rest of the story into perfect motion. Keep up the good work.
Well done
SARA13
I really liked this story.
I liked it because it relates to me...
I think it sounded rather poetic, especially with the mystery of the characters being so apparent. i found the structure a little all over the place - arguably that could be a metaphor, or just the way it fell on the page.
Another point is that the lines however repetitive are relatable, in romance novels and real life.
I did enjoy it and although rather more like a monologue or even a speech, I would read more
I like it!!!!!
Your style is fresh to the readers. (to me, anyway. HAHA)
Well, I find the plot, although it was only the MC speaking, and it was great!
Woohoo!
Keep writing!
-KAT <3
Heeyy..
I like your Story/Poem it was interesting.
One thing,in my opinion it needs a little more depth. Maybe I'm wrong but there is nothing in your story/poem to express your sadness,loneliness or whatever it is your supposed to be feeling, Other then that I really liked it.
Yours,
KAKAGIRL XX
Ok. Flower here and I will be your reviewer for the day/evening whatever it is haha. Oh I love your name and avatar by the way!
Anyway. Well to me this was to much like a poem to be a story. I believe that you should really consider changing it into a poem it would make more sense.
When you are writing a story you should write it in different paragraphs the whole time. It is very distracting to the reader, and can get quite annoying when you don't do it right. On some of your sentences you leave off half way through the sentence and continue it on the next paragraph. If you are writing poetry you can do that somewhat, but not exactly like you have done.
I also think this is quite short. There is no description, and you don't give any reason why you should like him. You don't tell us anything about the MC so we can't really relate to or grow close to the MC. I think you could turn this into one paragraph because you didn't really show us anything. We know she is getting left for some other girl, and I can relate because I have a friend that is in the same situation, but if I didn't have that friend I wouldn't be able to relate or know what you were talking about.
I think that this will all make more sense in poetry form, or you should make it longer. It's up to you though.
If you need me feel free to pm me.
-Flower-
I love it. it's short, sweet and a little sad
No, it's okay. You got it right.
I guess, the narrator of the story wasn't staying with him because she felt it was her 'feminine duty', it was because she loved him (would be the moral of the story) and she was willing to forgive his past, as long as he never did it again. This is basically showing how she's afraid that he might not have changed at all.
I was going to make this a book, but then I asked myself, 'why does romance for me always mean depressing stuff?' so the next time I write romance it's gotta be so happy it's cheesy...dangerously cheesy! hehe.
Thanks for reading it, I really appreciate your input.
-JC
"Why did I forgive you? She’s coming back, I know it. Someday
if not just PM me and I'll try to clarify further.
good job! 
...sorry if I did
she’ll be back, and she’s going to want you. That I can promise.
Maybe you’ve learned, who knows? Maybe you’ll have the
strength to tell her no for once, and people can continue to look at us
thinking, “God, aren’t they cute?”
Or maybe I’ll be stuck in the background thinking “What
happened to ‘you and me’?”
Okay, as truthfully as possible... really I suppose its because one of my friends was in a situation that seems to me rather similar to this one, and the guy wasn't worth it. I am kind of feminist I suppose in the perspective that I can't stand it when girls feel like they need to date because that's what girls do, or when they stay with a guy for similar reasons,
So I guess its really a personal reason, hope my little rant has helped you to understand
Note: whatever the reason; I was emotionally invested in your story, which is always a good thing, whether it be for personal or obvious reasons, so
Oh, and I hope I didn't missinterpret it completely or something
-Gen
Why would you want her to leave him?
(this is just a question to the reader for my own learning purposes, please answer as truthfully as you can)
I loved this, the style was almost that of poetry, it was really neat to read
!
I hope she leaves him! I was bursting by the end, I want her to leave him so badly. When I went back and noticed that you never presented any of the characters any further than to refer to them I was so surprised. Maybe its because the traits are so true to people in relationships all over the world; but I was emotionally envolved in a story where I knew nothing about the character I was rooting for. Its amazing!
-Gen
Merci, Jesise =D I'm glad you enjoyed it.
-JC
This was amazing, and a really good read!
What I love, and what I really think that you pulled of well, was the repetitions. You managed to keep using them without making it sound boring, as most repitions are.
Another thing that I liked was your choice of words - they held the fiction together nicely, and the flow uninterupted.
Nice work, I really liked it!
It's supposed to be repeditive. Like, how it was in the beginning, what happened to create change, and then how in the end, nothing had changed at all...
happened not happoned
A little repetitive, but I liked! Good job-I really like your reminiscent style. You reflect a lot of my thoughts a lot!