It seems kind-of poetic prose-y, but it's not poetry. MODS, please do not move this to poetry.
My Love, My Greatest Terror
To: Bella
What began as a fear I couldn’t fathom, became a love I can’t live without. From the moments of doubt, and wondering, to the days I look at you and see the world in your eyes, everything has changed, as promised. I won’t lie to you, my dear, my love, there were moments I thought I couldn’t handle it, days I wished you weren’t true, months I waited for it to all be over. Would I keep you for myself, or would I say goodbye forever?
The hardest choice I could ever make, I made you for. For days
of pain and anger, tears and rumors, all for you. I’ll tell you, for every
hardship I’ve yet endured, you have found another reason for me to love
you more still.
When you turned your head to hear my voice, or brought your
hands to your face for the first time. I cried in joy for you, I cried in sadness
for me, because you would never have that first again.
The first time you smiled I felt as if my world was rebuilt with
your love.
When you reached for me, I laughed, and when you slept almost
the entire night, I celebrated.
Your first pain was mine.
I felt your fear, and soothed your loneliness.
These firsts will last forever, and go further than I can take you.
Teething, solid food, potty training, school, boyfriends (or
girlfriends), graduation, moving out.
Will you still love me when I’m gone?
My Bella Kaye.
My Love.
My Greatest Terror.
_______________________________
One of the few things I've ever written from pure inspiration. Watching Bella sleep, my mind wandered. I seriously almost cried, it's the most surreal experience.
-JC
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140,811 Literary Works • 673,693 Reviews
Hey there JCobsesed
Excellent.
I'm not really a big fan of this simile since it seems a bit vague and a bit cliche. I know what you are talking about, but it didn't think it was as powerful and potent as your other lines. Keep the "The first time you smiled" bit and somehow find another simile so that it flows better with the rest of the piece.
Cute!
Wow...
Excellent finish. Simple and clean.
Overall impressions:
I really like this piece. Your sentences are simply crafted, yet they hold a lot of meaning and emotion into it as well as being quite thoughtful in how it is worded. I could really relate to this piece and to the emotion that you felt when you were watching little Bella sleep. I admit that I had the urge to cry from reading this, but more because of the actual fear of watching your baby mature as time slowly slips away. Time is something that we can't control nor can it be reversed. Sometimes, I wished that I was back in my primary years; when my parents had spent more time compared to today. It seems as I grow older, I grow more distant with my parents. Whether that is due to my big ego or because of my independent nature...I would never truly know. When I was ten, I began to fear death itself, because of this very fear that you've professed here.
Thank you for this piece, as it was a piece that I could relate to easily and I'm sure many others would too. I wish you luck in taking care of Bella, and be sure to secretly give this piece to her when the time comes.
"Gold stars"
Andy