—every soul a star
The brightest stars are wont to quickly fade,
Leaving lesser the great speckled black each night.
I do not mourn each point of light that dies,
For they are uncountable and unseen
as single points of light like single souls,
Unnoticed across the oceans of time,
Unmourned in the thoughts of men and women
Alike to me in weeping at the dawn.
—Muse
My long, laborious love lingers on,
My breath and blood and heart’s fire so bright
And set alight by the hot lusty night
Such might you hold upon me Morningstar,
My heart, flame of life, the morning birdsongs.
My muse who I fancy bedded next to me.
Olympian nymph I beg of thee take leave,
Sing to me your song that shimmers my eye
And quivers my lips and wavers my voice.
Your song so sweet has blazed my heart and soul;
Siren of the haze, drag me to the depths,
Elope me to my illusory lands.
—Two lovers at morning
Let us cup tomorrow’s memories
In repose, hands clasped and bright eyes met.
These eyes are roiling seas, stormed with dreams;
Let us stay, embraced by heat from sheet, sweat,
And the summer day arisen outside.
I do not pretend to ask the dawn my
Future, it is mine and yours alone to
Choose and forge ahead, undaunted, unafraid.
Leave these day-shades, let us draw closer, let
Us drink from lusty draughts of sleep and stay
Embraced by the comforting sheets and heat.
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140,101 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
First off, your language is beautiful. I just-- wow. That's heckin incredible, the way you write. I have no critiques, so most of this is just going to be me gushing about this.
1. I love your repeated prefix un- in the first poem. It really adds to the whole tone of the poem.
2. Amazing alliteration (see what I did there?) in the first two lines of the second poem.
3. I learned a new word from this. I didn't know roiling was a thing. Thank you for enlightening me.
4. I feel that all of these really lend themselves to recitation nicely. They all possess a sort of theatrical quality to them, if that makes sense. Great job conveying that in the text.
Overall: incredible. You write with such rich quality and expansive vocabulary. Your diction is impeccable, flow phenomenal, and everything is just *chef's kiss* AMAZING. I'm running out of good adjectives. You seem like you would know some good ones.
love the every soul a star poem, nice.
Hi! Hope you're doing great! I like white poems, I write some like this myself. Let's start with the first poem: I thought you first poem had a very interesting theme. I found the first verse a little bit weird. Maybe you could have a look at it? My favorite line was"as single points of light like single souls". It made me think about "The lion king", where Mufasa said that every star is one of the past kings. The second poem was simply amazing! It showed great imagination and the verses were really well written. This poem was put together really well, and created a mood that I really enjoyed. As a person who likes Greek mythology, I liked the reference to some characters from it (nymph, sirens, muse). I liked a lot of verses but my favorite was probably, "My heart, flame of life, the morning birdsongs".Your third poem was lovely as well. You explained very well the goals that well, "Two lovers at morning" have. I think we understand that these couple wants to build memories together. My favorite line is "These eyes are roiling seas, stormed with dreams;". For me this made me think that even we have eyes full of "seas"or tears we still have dreams. I'm not sure if that's what you want it to say by seas or is it?
Overall, this are three poems were engaging. They were creative,they give us a god picture and they were still very poetic without rhymes.You did a great a job and I'm going to read some more of your poems! Have a great day!:)