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Napo day#1: ode to a dragon

by IamI


O dragon, who dwelt in high cave;

Bejeweled in scale and hoard;

Master of even the highest lord;

Into Whose dwelling any who entered would be counted brave.

Hunter of many a fine man and maiden;

To whom even the highest kings would bow he baid them.

Whose fire set many priests arave

=

When your roar was heard, against you the bravest knights rode

With their blades and their flags.

And the most beautiful queens would come to plead in tattered rags.

When the rivers ran red from your bloody load,

peasants, lords, and kings would beg,

And you would only relent when to you they bent leg.

O dragon! Firebringer, daemon of the sky! To you I set this ode.


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157 Reviews


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Sun Apr 26, 2020 5:18 pm
LadyVendetta wrote a review...



Hi, I'm Jade, and today I'll be reviewing your poem! I'm excited, so let's get started.

I liked the, whimsy, light rhyme, and your theme was creative! One suggestion would, in stanza one, replace most of the ; with commas. It will flow better and the read won't be so choppy! And make sure you keep your punctuation consistent it.

In two, watch for punctuation again! In the last line,

O dragon! Firebringer, daemon of the sky! To you I set this ode.

It may have been better with commas after "O" and "To you" but those aren't necessary.


OVERALL: I liked the poem. It was creative and unique, and I applaud you on that!

Jade




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Sun Apr 26, 2020 2:32 am
Noobwriter88 wrote a review...



What can I say about this masterpiece? It was beautiful! I loved the rhyming scheme of it and the story that it told! Honestly, even though a review is supposed to be more of the reader letting the writer know what to do better, this review is more of just a bunch of compliments. This is probably one the best poems I have ever read! I know that might seem underwhelming, but I mean it! Anyway, I would love to see more of these poems! Keep doing you IamI! Love the skill and talent! Really the only thing I could see improvement on is what other people have said. The flow and how the words feel forced but other than that, I love it!




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Thu Apr 02, 2020 12:25 am
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soundofmind wrote a review...



Hey there, IamI!

Hunter of many a fine man and maiden;

To whom even the highest kings would bow he baid them.

Ooooooh! Ohoho! This was a very creative rhyme! I really like this, maiden and baid them. But I believe baid is actually spelled "bade," if you're going for the word that means "to command or invite." I only say so because I just googled the definition of baid in that spelling and the definitions that came up didn't make much sense in the context of your poem, haha. That is unless it's some alternative spelling that didn't pop up right away on google?

I also wasn't able to find the meaning of the word arave, which I'm unfamiliar with. What's it mean? Unless it's another misspelling?

I think besides those confusions, I really enjoyed the concept of an ode being written to a dragon. It feels like it could've come right out of a fantasy story! You definitely followed the structure of flattering and describing the subject, i.e. Firebringer (if that's its name) or, the dragon.

I think though, as a poem overall, the flow feels a bit choppy, and I think that has to do with what Ethan said in the previous review. Counting syllables can feel a bit tedious, especially if you're focused more on rhyme, but it can do wonders for readability and rhythm in a poem. That's not to say all of your lines have to be the exact same length of syllables, but I think it might be a good place to start for practice.

For example:
O dragon, who dwelt in high cave;

Bejeweled in scale and hoard;

Master of even the highest lord;

Into Whose dwelling any who entered would be counted brave.

Could become:
O dragon, who dwelt in his cave;

Bejeweled in both scale and hoard;

Master of even the highest lord;

The man who dares enter is brave.

Maybe that's not how you would word it, but it's an example of how you can still get the same idea across in fewer words, and match the syllables more to the ones who came before it.

And maybe you'll find in shortening some of the lines that you still have more content that you want to cover. In that case, you could add more stanzas! If my googling serves me well, I think traditional odes are typically at least four or five stanzas long, so you'd have plenty of room to explore more ideas!

Let me know if you have any questions or want to talk about things I've said in this review! And please keep writing! :) I love anything that has to do with dragons, so naturally, I had to review this, and while I think it could definitely use polishing to make it better, I did very much still enjoy it!

I hope you have a nice day!
-sound




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Wed Apr 01, 2020 5:24 pm
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EthanHoover wrote a review...



Hey there, Ethan here for a review!

This was a very good poem, and I appreciated the interesting rhyme scheme-- A-BB-A-CC-A-- so kudos to you there. That being said, the rhymes did seem a little bit forced, like you were struggling to find enough words to fit the pattern. I don't have much advice there, except to maybe let the poem choose the rhyme scheme instead of trying to force it to fit.

Other than that, the only thing I noticed were that the syllable count for each line varied so much that it tended to interrupt the flow when moving from a short line to a long one, for example:

"Master of even the highest lord;
Into Whose dwelling any who entered would be counted brave."

This, I think, is simply a side effect of the slightly forced rhyme scheme, but it's good to keep in mind.

Well, that's about all I have to say! Like I said, good poem, kudos on participating in National Poetry Month, and the best of luck on completing challenge! Keep up the good work!





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