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A portrait of Aphrodite

by IamI


—A portrait of Aphrodite

There roams Nyx, cloak and hair adorned with stars,

Beauteous skin masked by pearl-net dress,

Roaming as a swan from tree to shaded tree,

Clasping here a rose, there a poppy bloom

And splaying out upon the gleaming grass,

Bathing in the moon’s cool watery gaze,

Tranquil, silent in her modest repose

Until the moon adorns the dark dome’s peak

When she bids the fragrant lee farewell

And slowly ambles to the empty beach

Unspoiled by the thoughtless footsteps of men

And gazes upon the bare eastearn vista

As the sky grows charred by the flaring dawn.

=

Proclaiming the day is glowing Venus:

Risen from the sea, trumpeting of dawn,

Immodestly clothed in strands of water,

Pearl skinned form brashly bared to morning air.

She swiftly rides in shell chariot undrawn,

Attended by blush-skinned mistress Aurora,

Fierce haired maiden of the morning’s glory,

Dressed in glassy robes of autumnal shades.

The ocean spears up in their wake as wings,

Raising ghostly arches of divided colors,

Keystones set as the mist pillars collapse.

=

The shell crumbles into the white sand shore

As Venus in regal stride disembarks

With red cheeked Aurora upon the sand.

With jubilant greeting the sisters meet,

Embracing where the sand and woodland meet.

They meld like tributes to a great river:

Forming as one beauty beyond words—

The sublime beauty: great Aphrodite.


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6 Reviews


Points: 27
Reviews: 6

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Wed Aug 12, 2020 10:11 am
YuNgWrItEr says...



This is a great poem! Loved reading it! Choice of vocabulary is fabulous and I could really paint a picture in my mind!




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138 Reviews


Points: 181
Reviews: 138

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Wed Aug 12, 2020 7:42 am
Vil wrote a review...



Hey, IamI! I'm Vilnius, here to review your poem!

I really love the thought and detail that you've put into all of this. You've shown me your portrait rather than told me, as authors and poets are often told in schools, universities, writing groups, etc.

"Proclaiming the day is glowing Venus:
Risen from the sea, trumpeting of dawn,
Immodestly clothed in strands of water,
Pearl skinned form brashly bared to morning air."

These lines really sum up the point you're trying to get across-- newborn Aphrodite (or, in Roman form, Venus (sometimes referred to as Venerum))-- is a beautiful creature born of the sea foam, perfect in beauty, prepared to carpe diem, seize the day.

I plan to dive in and read some more of your poems soon! If I don't comment or leave a review within te next few days, give me a nice poke and I'll hop to it!

Have a nie [*insert time of day here*]!!!




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18 Reviews


Points: 175
Reviews: 18

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Tue Aug 11, 2020 12:15 pm
BIHXY wrote a review...



This is a very beautiful poem, I am in love with greek mythology and i love how you managed to craft it into a poem. Well, aside from the greek mythology fans , i honestly feel that you can write about it and still leave room for the non fans to feel it. This was a poem that required prior knowledge of the mythology concepts and as a writer it is your role to make the public feel your work. It was very good but i think you can do with a little more demystifying. otherwise very very good presentation , very good symbolism and generally excellent writing




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85 Reviews


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Reviews: 85

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Mon Aug 10, 2020 7:03 pm
MoonIris wrote a review...



Hi, IamI
I’m here with a review. I like your poem I think it represents well Aphrodite/Venus. I am a huge fan of Greek and Roman mythology. Now about your poem.
There are phew grammar mistakes:
”There roams Nyx”
I believe it should be roaming as there is a plural: Nyx, cloak, and hair.
”And reconnect upon the bare eastearn vista”
The only mistake here is eastern. It should be written without the second a.
”With red checked Aurora”
It should be red-cheecked.
As for the actual poem I really liked it. My favorite part was the last stanza. It made me think it could be from an original myth. I also appreciate the fact that you used both Greek and Roman names of the beauty goddess. I licked how your poem her moment of berth from the sea.
Overall it’s a great poem that a mythology fan like me really liked,
MoonIris




IamI says...


This isn%u2019t a rendering of an actual myth, I just used goddesses to represent different types of beauty; Nyx is the Greek goddess of night, Aroura is (if I remember correctly) the Roman goddess of dawn.

Thanks for your review.




[as a roleplayer is feeling sad about torturing her characters] RavenLord: "You're a writer, dear. Embrace it."
— RavenLord