Focus

Hi! This is a great poem! I found it very relatable, and I really like how it's both light-hearted and carries a deep message at the same time.

The only problem I had with this poem was the length and rhyming of the lines. Typically, to make a poem smoother to read, I would recommend keeping each line about the same length (in syllables), and there were definitely a few points in this poem where I would recommend either adding or taking away words to make it fit a little better.

Also, the first two lines really threw me off. In the line "Hocus Pocus, everyone focus", I immediately thought the rhyme scheme was on the second and fourth beats of the lines (sorry, I'm a music major, I think in rhythms). However, when I got to "Higgildy piggildy, it's not so easy", there was no rhyming within the line or in the rest of the stanza. Then the next two lines make it seem like you're trying to rhyme the ends of lines, etc. etc.

My main comment would be to try and settle on a rhyme scheme to use throughout the entire poem. Maybe that means moving lines around, maybe that means changing certain words to fit, I don't know, but, in my opinion, choosing a specific rhyming scheme and sticking with it would make your poem a lot smoother and easier to read.

Overall, I definitely liked your poem! The description of "Hocus Pocus, everyone focus" really caught my attention, and there were definitely parts that I laughed at, so awesome job! I can't wait to see what you come up with next!

Hey Horisun! Just a short review incoming ~

I'm always a fan of humorous poems especially when they say something a little deeper from a close-reading. Here my interpretation is that this can be read as a lighthearted lament that the narrator has about their ability to focus and how draining it can be, but it can also get at the bigger issue of starting to show the impact of that lack of focus on them.

I like how you started the poem as almost a nursery rhyme but got a little more serious as the poem kept going - I also like the concrete details like the computer tabs and the dishes - that makes the poem come alive and gives the reader something to attach to.

I'd keep the punctuation / capitalization exactly as is since it is consistent and makes sense.

One suggestion - I already like how you off-set the final stanza to show them sort of taking a removed moment to try again - what if you slowed that stanza down by putting an extra space in between each of the lines in the last stanza? Might be a cool formatting affect to show the content slowing down.

Your rhyming is fine throughout - your use of near rhyme in a few places gave the poem maybe a more modern feel and still sounded good.

One other suggestion - I think it should be "homework is" or "homework's" because right now without the apostrophe you are talking about homework(s) plural.

I'd also capitalize "Piggidy" or lowercase "pocus" to keep things consistent up there.

Overall a light little piece with some good concrete imagery but shows the real impact of a lack of focus. Nicely edited and nicely written.

alliyah

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Hello...I don't normally review poetry but Checklist Challenge, so here I am. This one really caught my attention with that title and it is quite catchy too, so I though this would be a good one to review here. Sorry If I can't really go into anything too technical since I'm not that familiar with poetry but I'll try to give my impressions here.

So instantly this is quite funny on the surface. The imagery definitely makes you life and there's a strong bit of humor running through the full piece without even really showing any signs of trying too hard. Its all quite natural and hilarious. But the moment you think about this piece for a second longer, there's just instantly so much relatability and I love that. Its an interesting bit of rollercoaster because the first time you read through it, you're laughing, the second time you're randomly exclaiming, that is so me, and then the third time you're no longer laughing as you reflect on the sort of stress this is hinting at you take solace in that last stanza before you do exactly that and proceed to write the review.

Overall. I love this. It is such a simple looking poem on the surface and it can give you a good laugh, but the moment you take some time to peer in a little deeper, it feels like so much more and its a powerful message.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

Heya Horisun! Incoming review!

I felt this in my soul. At minimum I have 4 tabs open, switching throughout all of them, procrastinating on my homework when all I have to do is draw a picture. And I literally just forgot I was writing a review because I went to watch a stream....Anyway, let's get on with the review!

I'll start with critique. Your formatting of the stanzas is not uniform. I understand how it would fit with the theme of the poem, but it doesn't come across too well. It looks kind of messy and unsatisfying. I would suggest using the automatic formatting and having one stanza be left, one in the middle, and one on the right to make it feel more random without the dissatisfying look.

I also don't know exactly what kind of a style you're going for. The second stanza just doesn't feel in tune with the others as well as the end stanza. They don't feel a silly or nursery rhyme-like.

But that's all for critique, let me praise your work!

Hocus Pocus, everyone focus
Higgildy piggildy, it's not so easy

Class is so easy, but my grades are a mess
Passing is tricky when I'm far from the best