z

Young Writers Society


12+ Violence

Little Silver Sword

by Horisun


Riding Hood was very young
When her Granny was found dead
Ripped to shreds by a wolf
Her whole room stained in red

Better men are driven mad
But Little Red is bitter
Her cape drips with scarlet
And her eyes glint like silver

She swears on her very life
That there may come a day
Where every single wolf
Will sit in her display

So if they hear her coming
They better hurry, run and hide!
Close their eyes, rue the day
Riding Hoods Grandma died


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30 Reviews


Points: 155
Reviews: 30

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Wed Mar 23, 2022 2:57 pm
NewHope wrote a review...



Hi there, Horisun

Lehmanf here with a short review. I hope it finds you well.

First Impressions

I loved this poem, the rhyme worked perfectly and the mix between adult and child. I myself did something similar recently with "10 Monkeys Jumping On The Bed".

Interpration

Riding Hood was very young
When her Granny was found dead
Ripped to shreds by a wolf
Her whole room stained in red


I can only imagine, Red Riding Hood walking through the forest, talking to the wolf. Getting to the cabin and seeing the state of the place, signs of a struggle and nice Mr Wolf towering above little old dead grandma. Would have been an interesting way to see the story played out if we had only just introduced the way wolves actually eat.

Better men are driven mad
But Little Red is bitter
Her cape drips with scarlet
And her eyes glint like silver


Revenge. A dish best served cold. Just like that sharp metal in her eyes. To be fair the original was pretty grim, a lot of stories are, just take it from the perspective of the villain. Her cape drips scarlett, well, she's already the girl in the red cape.

She swears on her very life
That there may come a day
Where every single wolf
Will sit in her display


Interesting. It always is when someone makes such a big promise and in real life, I'd not believe most people. Oh no. What in the world? She's going to stuff every wolf there is because of one, why does she sound like she'd fit well in an asylum? That is a little weird I guess.

So if they hear her coming
They better hurry, run and hide!
Close their eyes, rue the day
Riding Hoods Grandma died


I really the inclusion of "hurry" in the second line because it just gives the stanza so much more dimension. Close their eyes? Do you mean when they die? Or? Rue the day. I really like that as the ending.

Overall

I really loved this poem. It was amazing. I felt like every stanza worked well, flowed really nicely and rhymed in a really nice way.

Have a fantastic day
Lehmanf




Horisun says...


Thank you for the review!



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969 Reviews


Points: 126
Reviews: 969

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Wed Feb 16, 2022 4:29 pm
vampricone6783 wrote a review...



Ooh..cool poem! I wish this were the original tale,actually.It would be so much more interesting and action-packed to read.As for the overall poem,I liked how you described her vengeance saying “Her eyes glint like silver.” I’d like to know,is Red off to kill every wolf she sees? I’m just asking.I hope you have an amazing and awesome day and night.




Horisun says...


I was imagining Red as some sort of hunter, Picture, like, Gaston but with a suitably tragic backstory, lol





Cool.



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26 Reviews


Points: 23
Reviews: 26

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Tue Feb 15, 2022 5:30 pm
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Mooilky wrote a review...



Hello, this is a review.

I love reading poems about fairy tale characters! Riding Hood is a great character to explore the theme of revenge with.

I noticed that the rhyme in this poem comes from the second the fourth lines of each stanza.
The last stanza is the only one with any punctuation (two commas and an exclamation point).

I wonder how the flow of the poem would change if the syllables were the same in the corresponding stanzas.

"Riding Hood was very young (7 syllables)
When her Granny was found dead (7 syllables)
Ripped to shreds by a wolf (6 syllables)
Her whole room stained in red" (6 syllables)

"Better men are driven mad (7 syllables)
But Little Red is bitter (7 syllables)
Her cape drips with scarlet (6 syllables)
And her eyes glint like silver" (7 syllables)

If you remove "And" from the beginning of the last line, "Her eyes glint like silver" then the line is 6 syllables and matches the previous stanza. This can make the flow of the poem more smooth.

Overall, I enjoyed this poem and hope to see more of your work soon!
Have a great day :)




Horisun says...


Thank you for the review! I actually did have it without %u201Cand%u201D originally, but I changed it during the revision because I liked how it sounded.



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60 Reviews


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Reviews: 60

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Tue Feb 15, 2022 3:19 pm
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LizzyTyler says...



That should not be funny…and yet I’m still laughing XD
Very impressive! Glad you shared it!





To succeed, you need to find something to hold on to, something to motivate you, something to inspire you.
— Tony Dorsett