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Young Writers Society


12+

The Prophecy Revealed Chapter 2.1

by Honora


Chapter 2

Viera walked down the winding hallways to Mina, the seamstress, just in time to see Evrial turn the corner to go back to her room. She felt so over-dressed in her green gown as she walked in the servants' area. She sighed and pushed the thought away as she entered Mina's little shop, which was surprisingly small. There really wasn't much to it. Only mountains of cloth and material littered everywhere, needles and such in little baskets beside a table and a few chairs that cluttered the small space.

A plump woman emerged from behind one of the stacks of colorful lace, "My lady!" Mina's surprised, high pitched voice rang in her ears and it took everything in her power not to wince outwardly, "What brings you down this way?" The woman bustled in front of her and curtsied. She was dressed plainly in a light blue dress that may have looked good on a younger woman but hugged her rolls instead of her curves. Her grey hair was done up in a tight bun but strands fell loose around her stout face. Mina gazed around the shop with the princess and her face colored, "Please, excuse the mess. I was looking for something appropriate for all of these servant garments I have ahead of me.”

Viera's own face colored as she realized how rude she must have appeared to be, "Oh no need to apologize. That servant girl that was just here, do you have her size?" Mina nodded and moved towards the counter on the side of the room. She hummed for a moment as she looked through a pile of papers.

She grunted in triumph as she held up the paper, "Here it is, m'lady," she handed the small piece of parchment to Viera, "May I ask, if it isn't too personal, of course, what you're doing with it?" Viera smiled, a twinkle in her eye and shook her head lightly, "I'm sorry, princess, I didn't mean to pry. It's your business but if you will let me jot those numbers down here, you can have that.” Mina wrote them down on another piece and gave it back. Viera thanked her and left the small shop. It was time to take this into the town below and bargain with the tailor down there. Viera would have asked Mina if she hadn't been so busy with all of the other gowns of the servants even though she was sure that the woman would aid her needs before the rest. She needed this done by the time the ball came and that was in four days. It would take a bit of extra silver to get it done in time. Cowan did not know about that part yet. Not only was she going to get her the gown, but she was going to get her to the ball as well.

Viera had pushed her father's idea to get new attire for all of the servants that morning, just to get these few numbers. She wasn't doing this for Evrial, no this wasn't for her. Cowan, her friend who had always taken good care of her, did she do this for. It was the least she could do in exchange for his never faltering protection. Viera was happy that her friend had found someone but she had to admit that she was jealous that his attention wasn't directed at herself anymore. She wasn't in "love" with him anymore but definitely envied his attention. She loved his company, his complete attention and was sad to see it elsewhere.

She flinched and pulled back involuntarily as a voice that was not her own hissed inside her mind, "It is time to see for myself what exactly, has caught the attention of your friend...” It chuckled mischievously and she rushed back to her rooms, trying to hide the tears that rushed down her face.

*******

Cowan rubbed his calloused hands together nervously as he strode down the last hallway to the King's office. King Isaac had summoned him which sent his mind twisting onto every possibility as he halted at the massive oak doors and waited for the guards to present him inside. The doors were carved with various designs as decoration, which were done by a very skilled hand. He took a deep breath as the guard announced his name and he strode in, trying to look as confident in himself as possible. Whenever he had gotten into some sort of scrap, his father always told him, "Don't cower, it's a sign of weakness or guilt...” Cowan wondered if his father had any idea how hard that was in the presence of the most powerful man in the empire.

He stood before the King, who stood by a desk full of papers, and bowed low, "Your Majesty.” The King grunted in reply and a few minutes of stomach curdling silence passed. He didn't dare speak without being spoken to; his King was a just one but like any other man with position, he would take any chance he could to show his authority.

Finally, to his relief, Isaac spoke with his back still to him, "Lieutenant, it is my concern that rumors have been spread about a magic user being here in Calderon," he turned toward him, revealing his worry that couldn't be found in his voice. Cowan didn't think he was supposed to catch the look because it was gone just as quickly as it had come, "Can I trust that you will get to the bottom of it? The Captain has much to worry about and considering you are his second and will be taking his position when he retires, I am trusting you to it.” He had heard the rumors and already looked into it, so far he could see no trace of the magic user and he personally decided that there was none. Not that his opinion was ever considered, he was after all, only the second-in-command. The only time his opinion mattered was in petty orders with the guards.

He hesitated telling Isaac that he had known but replied, knowing that honesty was always best, "Yes, your majesty. I speak truthfully when I say that I’ve heard the rumors. I have been investigating the reasoning of them and haven’t found anything of worth," he met the King's green eyes. The thoughtful look that he held in them made Cowan instantly uncomfortable so he added, "But if you see it fit, I will continue searching."

Isaac's calculating gaze shifted past him, "Ah, my Queen. Did you find Viera?" Not quite knowing what to do, he risked turning his back to the King and bowed low before Queen Deanna. He couldn't help but gape at the elegant dress she wore. It was not red but rather a burnt pink, its wide skirts were encrusted with little white pearls and its bodice had flower designs that had been crafted by a skilled tailor. It looked stunning on her but he imagined what Evrial would look like in it, with her black hair contrasting the pink. He took a shuddering breath and turned back towards the King.

"No, I don't know where that girl is," Deanna rolled her young eyes in frustration, looking much like her step-daughter, "she always disappears! Especially when it comes time to taking her dancing lessons! She loves dancing at balls! I just can't understand why her lessons are any different?" She sighed and sat down beside the King in a very ladylike posture, her gown folding neatly around her long legs. Her instructor is a baffling idiot that's why!

Isaac chuckled but turned his attention back to him and said in his chilling voice, "Take care of it Lieutenant.” Taking his dismissal gratefully, he bowed and exited the room. On his way to his personal office - where the guards waited on their weekly orders - he couldn't get the look of fear in Isaac's expression out of his mind. Why did he hate magic so much? No one knew his reasons for banishing it from the country but they had all obeyed his wishes. To this day, it bewildered him to think that one man, one man alone had enough authority to banish such a useful, deadly power without objection. He shuddered as he thought about what would happen to the so-called-magic-user if he ever caught him.


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235 Reviews


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Sat Apr 13, 2019 5:00 pm
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4revgreen wrote a review...



Hey, Che here for a review!

This has been in the green room for a while and so I figured you deserved another review! I'll starts, as always, with the areas I could see need a little improving!


She sighed and pushed the thought away as she entered Mina's little shop, which was surprisingly small.

Here, you've used "little" and "small" close in the same sentence. You don't need both as it's just over describing :-)

A plump woman emerged from behind one of the stacks of colorful lace, "My lady!" Mina's surprised

I'm only pointing this out because it happens a lot, but before speech it should be a full stop (period) not a comma !

Cowan, her friend who had always taken good care of her, did she do this for

This sentence does really make sense and is a little clumsy. I would personally rephrase it as "It was her friend who had always taken good care of her, Cowan, that she did this for"

"It is time to see for myself what exactly, has caught the attention of your friend.

You don't need the comma in this sentence :-)

he couldn't get the look of fear in Isaac's expression out of his mind.
[/quote]
Personally, I would change "expression" to "face" as it reads better

I think that was all I spotted!

The description in this story was really good. I was a tad confused because I hadn't read the previous chapter but I was also pretty enthralled by it! It's not the usual genre I like to read so forgive me for not really knowing what else to say. It was steadily paced; not too fast and not too slow which allowed the reader to really enjoy the piece!

Keep writing!

Regards, Che :-)




Honora says...


Thank you for the review! I really appreciate the help! :)



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Thu Mar 07, 2019 2:51 pm
FireSpyGirl says...



I love it! I have the feeling of a love triangle...in spite of what Viera tells herself.




Honora says...


;) I guess you will have to read the rest to find out! I am glad you like it so far! It%u2019s very encouraging:D



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Sun Feb 24, 2019 11:48 pm
Teddybear wrote a review...



I haven't read anything before this chapter, so forgive my ignorance of previously established plot points, that said, I will be attempting to vaguely review this work. Yay!

Okay, so, I'm ditching my usual format for now because I'm on a crunch for time and reading the whole work three times over then going paragraph by paragraph in the review takes a long time.

And now, with no further ado, into the review.

The work, as a whole, is paced at a rather steady rate. I wouldn't say that there's a problem there, it's just an odd choice that may mean trouble for you later. Your characters were pretty solid as a whole, with just a few points of exposition-y dialogue here and there. Your descriptions were vivid, but maybe a little wordy in places, and the overall length of the chapter was pretty nice since chapters have a tenancy to be really long.

I don't have much else to say. It was good, but not the greatest. You could work on a few things, but you did really good in others. Anyway, keep writing, you're pretty good already but there's always room for improvement.

Bye bye now!




Honora says...


Ok thank you!! I will have to work on those things!!




I just want to be the side character in a book that basically steals the whole series.
— avianwings47