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The Prophecy Revealed Chapter 3.1

by Honora

Previously: Under the Prince's uncomfortable gaze, Evrial had an embarrassing fall off her horse. Now injured, Cowan takes her on his own horse. 

Chapter 3

Evrial couldn't believe that she fell. She didn't want to believe. She definitely didn't lie when she said that she would die of embarrassment. For the first time that day, she wished Cowan wasn't with her, but of course he had witnessed the whole thing. She was dying of embarrassment. She was positive she had hidden how excited she was when he offered his horse to her. She knew in that moment how much she meant to him and was ashamed for ever doubting him. He cared and loved her just as much she loved him.

She snapped back to the present as they rode through those gates again. She kept her gaze low and avoided eye contact with the puzzled guards at the top. Yes, yes, why are we back so soon? My stupidity that's why...her cheeks burned. Dalex came out of the stable with a concerned look on his face. Oh gods. She smiled at him, trying to make it as humorous as she could. Maybe it would relieve some of the heat from her red cheeks. She had forgotten that Dalex was one of the professional horse trainers as well. He was probably laughing inside.

"What happened!?" Dalex rushed to her side and helped her dismount, the concern in his dark blue eyes making her flush deepen, "Are you alright?"

She grinned at him and held up her swollen wrist, "I've been better but I'm fine. I must apologize but I have given you an extra task today. Isla twisted her leg on the way down and it should probably get rubbed."

He nodded his head and took the mare from Kristof. As she was left to stand on her own, she noticed that like her horse, she had twisted her leg. She was going to be so covered in bruises tomorrow. She could already feel them forming and her wrist was turning a yellow color. As Dalex walked by her, she said in as much of a cheerful voice as she could manage, "Well, at least I'll be exempt from the kitchen for a while.” He rolled his beautiful eyes and laughed. She smiled as she sent him shaking his head.

Cowan came up beside her and nodded his head in the direction that Dalex had just gone, "Should I be worried?" He said it so quietly but she still looked around to see if anyone had heard. Content that no one had, she shook her head while grinning ear to ear. He smiled, the imperfection of his fang teeth lending more charm to the perfect curve of his lips. My gods, he is attractive. His brown hair was cut close to his head which gave her a good look at his eyes.

Viera strode up beside them, "I hope you will be alright. I am terribly sorry that this afternoon went this way and was cut short but I hope to try again sometime.” Her voice was laced with genuine concern as she spoke and Evrial instantly felt guilty.

"I owe you the apology, I fell and had to be swept back to the castle like a damsel.” She tried to lighten Viera's mind with humor but it didn't seem to be working. She sighed and forced a smile on her face, "I'm going to head in. I need a bath.”

Viera nodded and smiled mischievously, though she couldn't tell why, "Cowan, see to it that she gets to her room. Have one of the other servants draw a bath for her, she is in no shape to do it herself.” If she was feeling better she would have declined but exhaustion hit her like a brick wall. She smiled her thanks and said a quick good-bye to the rest. Does the Princess suspect something? She was acting as if she did but didn't voice it, which made Evrial a little uneasy. She was going to tell Cowan once they were alone in the hallway and see if he knew anything about it.

As if he heard her thoughts, he took her good arm and led her to the door. His mood seemed to have lightened as they stepped into the privacy of the castle and as he closed the door behind her, he checked the hallway to make sure it was clear before kissing her. The sudden kiss startled her and she almost pulled away from his touch.

"Don't do that again, okay?" His smile danced in his eyes and in it, she completely forgot what was bothering her only minutes ago. She linked her good arm in his and they walked down the hallways to her room. He left her briefly while he went to go tell Rachel to get a bath ready for her. This is humiliating, getting so pampered. I'd say they think I’m dying. As much as it was humiliating, she didn't mind having a bath prepared for her, the meal that Mr. Cander brought to her room, or the extra attention she was receiving from Cowan.

She was settled on the edge of her bed and in mid-bite when Cowan came into her room again. Mr. Cander gave him that knowing smile of his and took his leave with a promise that he would return to check on her. Cowan glanced at her with a quizzing look on his face but bade the old man farewell. After he was sure that he was gone, he pointed at the door, "He knows?" She nodded and explained how after her mouth was free of the delicious stew.

He was silent for a moment but shrugged his shoulders and said, "Well, Viera knows too so I guess we're even," his words sent her head snapping up and her eyes looking into his for an explanation, "Oh don't get your undergarments in a knot. We're friends and that isn't something that I have kept a secret.” She didn't feel like getting into an argument so she let it pass with a nod of her head but a retort along the lines of: "It isn't exactly something that you've let be known either," ran through her mind.

She was almost done her meal by the time Rachel walked in her room, looking exhausted. Her white apron was stained red with what looked like a sauce, her dark hair usually done up was hanging around her face, which made her skin look pale and sick. She went to her bathing chamber without even a hello and started drawing her bath. A sharp pang of guilt fluttered through her stomach. She thought about Mr. Cander with the extra hassle of a meal, Dalex having to rub down her mare, Rachel with the bath and all the kitchen staff with her absence. How could I be so selfish? Here I am sitting like a princess while the others pick up the work I left behind. Even Cowan had felt that he should take care of her.

"It's ready for you.” Rachel's voice sounded tired, she looked tired. She held her body in such a way Evrial could tell that she was sore. She would have given her the bath but her selfishness told her that her own body was aching with pain. I'll return the favor one day. She thanked her and Rachel left without another word.

"Oh by the hills, I must appear so selfish," the words escaped her mouth before she could think about them, and Cowan looked at her with his brows furrowed curiously, "I fall and I am being treated like a princess while others have to suffer for my stupidity.” She ignored the sharp pain in her wrist as she let her head fall into her hands.

"It's fine. You took a bad fall and you know it. Speaking of which, I am going to get the castle healer to take a look at your wrist,” he must have seen the protest in her eyes as he stopped because he resumed just as quickly, "I know you are in more pain than you want me to believe. I'm not pampering you, I am being perfectly sensible about this. That horse landed on your arm and it is really swollen. With any luck, it isn't broken. Anyway, go take a bath, you need it.”

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420 Reviews

Points: 275
Reviews: 420

Sun May 05, 2019 6:02 pm
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Vervain wrote a review...

Hi Honora,

I haven't read the previous chapters. Thanks kindly for including a short recap of them. I'll be reviewing this chapter based solely upon what happens within it.

First, we open this chapter with a lot of emotion, but most of it is told to us (the reader) instead of shown to us by the way Evrial is acting. While we have a lot of internal narration from Evrial about how much Cowan obviously cares for her, and how she regrets doubting him, none of this is actually shown to us in how she might interact with Cowan at first.

While "show, don't tell" is a bogus rule, there is some grain of truth to it. Sometimes telling is important, but in cases like emotion, it can be extremely useful to do both. Show us Evrial acting grateful to Cowan first, then tell us what she's thinking: That perhaps she was wrong for doubting how much he cared.

There are quite a few instances of this throughout the chapter, where we're told how a character feels about something beforehand. Sometimes we're shown how they act afterwards, and sometimes we aren't, but usually showing us first is the key to getting us to sympathize with that character, or empathize with them over how they're feeling. Simply telling us Evrial is ashamed of herself, or embarrassed, isn't as effective as showing and telling.

Second, your names kind of have me thrown off. I know I've not caught up on the first two chapters so I don't know your world-building, but it's a little confusing to have Evrial as a female name, then Rachel as a female name -- Evrial looks like a Semitic name, but next to Rachel, it looks more like a male name than a female name. Dalex next to Cowan sounds like Latin next to Irish, so we have three languages mixed here -- four if you add Iberian/Romance languages for Viera, which looks more like a late Latinate name than anything else.

This isn't a huge point, just a little confusing.

Third, your grammar could use a quick polish, but so could anyone's. Keep an eye out for complex and compound sentences; I'd look up a good cheat sheet on punctuation.

I like that you give us an idea of who all your characters are. I can keep track of who's who without much worry, even though you have multiple characters of the same gender in a room at a given time. I can get a vague idea of the culture and how different people act in mildly stressful situations, or situations where they're in pain. I do like the buildup of character we have in this chapter.

Finally, I'm not entirely sure what the story is -- like I said, I haven't read the beginning -- but this chapter is giving me vibes of a historical fantasy/romance more than an action/adventure. I'm not getting a lot of adventure-y feelings from a girl falling off a horse and needing a bath. If something big is going to happen in the story, we need a prelude to it somewhere near the beginning, and we need the characters to have real stakes. Obviously Viera knowing that Cowan and Evrial are... friends?... isn't that big a danger, so what is the danger? What are our characters worried about? What do they want and need, and why can't they get it?

Overall, that's the biggest thing I'm missing from this chapter. I have 0 clue what Evrial wants, so I can't really root for her; and yes, that's partially on me for not reading the beginning, but it should be clear to me what the POV (point of view) character wants in any given scene.

Kurt Vonnegut wrote:Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.

Keep writing!

Honora says...

Thanks for the review! I do have a hard time with the telling emotion and showing it. I need to work on that! :D

Honora says...

Thanks for the review! I do have a hard time with the telling emotion and showing it. I need to work on that! :D

Honora says...

Thanks for the review! I do have a hard time with the telling emotion and showing it. I need to work on that! :D

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53 Reviews

Points: 774
Reviews: 53

Sun Mar 17, 2019 11:03 pm
JadeLotus wrote a review...

I'm sorry I didn't review sooner! I read this but forgot. Please forgive me!!

I loved the flow and the plot was mouth-watering (weird choice of words but it was awesome!).

The emotion felt so real and all the character were AWESOME! Cowan sounds adorable :)

I have just a tiny hint of criticism:

Maybe watch out for super long sentences.

I felt the paragraphs were a bit too long.

I saw a few spelling/punctuation mistakes but I won't count that against you.


Post more. Soon. Please!

Thank you :). I feel emotionally attached to this series now.

Your friend,

Honora says...

Thank you Jade! I will have to work on that but I%u2019m glad you liked it! :D

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158 Reviews

Points: 4399
Reviews: 158

Thu Mar 14, 2019 10:29 pm
FireSpyGirl says...

This is great! The plot is really, really good. The emotion is also really good. You are writing this out really well, and I am eager for more! I get the feeling Veira is going to be a good ally. Looking forward to more!
Also, thank you for reviewing my work! It means a lot.

Honora says...

Thanks you! I%u2019m glad you like it because it%u2019s been a bit nerve wracking. This is the first time anyone other than family or very close friends have read. I appreciate your input!
Also, no problem. Your work is enjoyable!

FireSpyGirl says...

I understand. If you ever want any advice or just someone to listen, I will do my best! Just PM me whenever.

Honora says...

Thanks! :D

“Christmas won’t be Christmas without any presents!”
— Little Women