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The Prophecy Revealed Chapter 4.4

by Honora


Author's note: It's been a while so I'll give you guys a brief recap. Basically, Cowan was called for a meeting with the King and Isaac tells him not to shut Evrial out of his life. Now, he is with her, telling her why he's been out of sorts. Which is because the way Rachel was killed is exactly how his younger brother, Xavier was killed. Hope you enjoy!

Finally, she answered him, "I understand. You could have just told me that though. It is amazing to think that only yesterday, our lives were so simple. Although we did not think it then, I believe it was a lot simpler then now. All we were worried about was keeping us hidden and doing what we had to do. Now there is a murderer in the castle and everything I thought I knew is wrong.”

"I don't understand...everything you knew is wrong?” He pulled away from her a little, to see her face. To his dismay, her expression didn’t reveal anything.

She looked up into his eyes and started to explain, “I went to the King today, after our dispute,” she sighed and tears threatened to come forth again, “I should start from the beginning before telling you about that. Cowan, I haven’t exactly been honest with you and I would understand if you need a while to think about this.”

“I’ll be fine, Evrial. We have already promised each other that nothing will come between us.” He smiled at her, trying to be reassuring even though his heart ached to know what she had to tell him.

She returned his smile half-heartedly before continuing, “This is a bit difficult for me to say. I have kept this part of me hidden for so long that saying it aloud feels unnatural. Please, I beg of you not to be angry. I am a creature of shapes. I have two shapes. That of a Vorg and the other of a hawk.”

She winced as the words left her mouth and he tried his best not to react badly. He stood up, not able to stay sitting and started pacing the room. His love interest wasn’t human…she was a creature. He had kissed a creature. So many emotions clouded his mind that he couldn’t decipher how he felt about the news.

Evrial looked into his eyes and he could tell she was searching for some response. He knew it wasn't fair to stay silent but he needed to think before he spoke. He couldn’t tell yet if he was angry, scared or just plain shocked.

"We both neglected our promise of no secrets so I can’t begrudge you for that. I don’t know what to think…you’re a Vorg? W-what exactly is that?” He tried not to sound harsh but it didn’t quite escape his voice.

She sighed deeply before responding, "Cowan, you must understand the reason I couldn't tell you. It was such a risk; especially with you being the second in command! I knew you wouldn't betray me but I never told you because I am a coward. I knew you wouldn’t turn me in but I was scared that you wouldn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore. A Vorg is basically a saber tooth except a lot bigger and a lot stronger."

"I do understand. It’s just a hard thing to process that you aren’t even human. Are you Hainian?” He knew his history. He knew that King Isaac banished the race to Lithian when he got rid of magic but never before had he met one. Well, that he knew of before now.

“Yes, I learned that today. When I went to King Isaac, he knew about me. He didn’t hang me like I expected him to. He smiled at me and explained my heritage. I am so awfully confused. I went to him to talk about Rachel’s murderer and he ended up telling me so many things about myself that I didn’t even know.”

“Wait…Rachel’s murderer? What do you mean?” The news unsettled him and he didn’t want to know how she would know anything about it.

She sighed again and looked at him with a sassy look in her eyes, “If you would have listened to me this morning, you would already know this. The thing that killed her isn’t human. It was another creature of shapes. Although not one like me. This race goes by the name Crassus and they are sick, brutal beasts that take pleasure in torturing[RM1] .”

“Well, that would certainly explain things. Does Isaac agree with you?”

She nodded her head and said, “Yes. He has heard of them before and I guess he suspected as much himself.”

“Hmmm…”

She took a deep breath before saying, "I know. It was a big thing for me to learn. I don't even know myself as well as I thought either. I knew that the Crassus existed but to think that one was in the castle. I would never have thought. I know that this changes things but please don't let this ruin what we have.” Her voice cracked as she spoke and she stood up to face him. Her face held such emotion that he couldn't bear it anymore. No matter how angry he was at her, he could never give her away. He wrapped her in his arms again and they just stood there silently.

"I guess I should tell you this," he whispered into her hair, "We don't have to be secret. The King knows and he seemed perfectly alright with it. I guess now that we know your past, we know that you are 'worthy' of me. Actually, he told me I didn’t deserve you.”

She chuckled and said, “It’s about time you realized that.”

He scoffed playfully, pretending to be offended.

“Well if I don’t deserve you, we better put an end to this. I wouldn’t want to drag you down in your social life.” He pulled away from her and crossed his arms, eyebrows raised.

“You’re right. You will bring my status well below average. I suppose you must leave now.”

Damn it. She wasn’t supposed to play along. She was supposed to fawn over him and make him feel better about himself. Why he expected that, he didn’t know. He should realize by now that she would take any chance she could to flaunt her wittiness.

She smiled as if reading his mind and said, “Go along! Shoo!”

He glared at her and tackled her in a hug. She squealed and laughed as he placed a kiss on her lips. He wasn’t going let her win. When he let go, she was laughing so hard she had tears in her eyes. He missed that smile. It had only been a day since he'd seen it but it seemed like an age.

Finally able to breathe, she smiled at him and wrapped her arms around him in a more dignified manner. There she stayed, with her black hair flowing down her back; her eyes with a spark back in them. This is what he loved her for.

[RM1]Edited


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1162 Reviews


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Sun Jun 02, 2019 10:12 pm
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Carlito wrote a review...



Hello hello! Let's get this out of the green room! :D

I apologize I haven't read the earlier installments but the summary you provided at the top does help with giving me a little bit of context.

The main thing I noticed when I read through this chapter is that it's pretty much all dialogue. Now don't get me wrong, dialogue is useful and I think you've written some good dialogue (it's not talking heads and you've balanced the dialogue tags and actions with the dialogue), but I'm left wanting a little bit more oomph.

This is a pretty emotional scene in that the love interest is revealing this big secret that has the ability to change the course of their relationship or jeopardize her safety. I want to feel more of the emotional oomph that comes along with that.

I think one thing you could try is interjecting some of the main characters thoughts and feelings as this conversation is going. Why does it matter so much to him? What does this mean to him? What are the potential consequences of staying in the relationship or leaving the relationship? How does he feel? What does he want to do about it? I want to see more of his thought processes as he works through this news and what he's going to do about it now that he knows.

One other thing to watch out for, is beware the info dump during dialogue. It can be tempting to put information about the world or how things work or what's going on in a part of the conversation, but it can end up reading like a regular old info dump. What you have to be really careful of, is if a character is explaining something that the other character would/should know because they're part of the world. It feels unrealistic then for them to talk about it in conversation. And in this case it's hard, because without the context of the other chapters I don't really know what everyone knows in the world, so this may be something you can disregard, but the dialogue started to feel a little heavy and info-dumpy.

Overall though, I like this big conflict jeopardizing their relationship and I think your writing as a whole is pretty good! Let me know if you have any questions or if you'd like feedback about something I didn't mention! :D




Honora says...


Thank you for the awesome review! I like hearing back from everybody and being able to see the mistakes I make! It always helps a lot!
I will take your review with me when I edit! :D



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Fri May 03, 2019 3:35 am
Toboldlygo wrote a review...



Hey there! Toboldlygo here with a review. Let's start working on getting this piece out the Green Room, shall we?

Well, first of all, thank you for putting a chapter summary at the top. It was very helpful for catching up with the story, so I appreciate it!

Before the actual review part of the review, you seem to have some kind of link in the middle of your story. I think it's just some kind of formatting issue, but it's a little odd to have there, and it doesn't seem to lead anywhere. It's right here: "This race goes by the name Crassus and they are sick, brutal beasts that take pleasure in torturing[RM1] ." It's not a huge thing but it's mildly annoying to see and accidentally click.

In this paragraph here: "She sighed deeply before responding, 'Cowan, you must understand the reason I couldn't tell you. It was such a risk; especially with you being the second in command! I knew you wouldn't betray me but I never told you because I am a coward. I knew you wouldn’t turn me in but I was scared that you wouldn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore. A Vorg is basically a saber tooth except a lot bigger and a lot stronger,'" I would recommend breaking it up a little bit by her talking about why she couldn't tell him and what on earth is a Vorg. It seems rather abrupt to change topics like that. I think most people, speaking, would put the Vorg explanation before the rest of it, but you could also accomplish this by somehow breaking up the chapter or having him ask after she explains it or something else. It's not a major thing but it's just a thought.

Regarding the actual chapter, it's very good! Your characters are personal and likeable, and they relate to each other very well! I think there's great potential for the growth of this story, and there's so much you can do with it as you go through the chapters. I hope you keep working on it, and don't let the lack of reviews discourage you; it takes too long sometimes for people to review chapter books because it's harder to know what's going on without reading 30+ chapters, but just keep going!

Happy Writing!

Toboldlygo




Honora says...


Thank you for the review!
I%u2019m not sure what that link is but I will check it out and get it%u2019s out of there! :)
Thanks again!



Toboldlygo says...


Will there be more chapters soon?



Honora says...


I could work on it a bit for you. I haven%u2019t been in the writing mood lately but I will try get something out. Glad you asked tho! :D




cron
You must never give into despair. Allow yourself to slip down that road, and you surrender to your lowest instincts. In the darkest times, hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of inner strength.
— Uncle Iroh