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Young Writers Society


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The Prophecy Revealed Chapter 4.1

by Honora


Author's note: Hey guys! Thank you for reading! I just though that I would give you  aheads up...this chapter is when everything starts getting iteresting. I hope anyways...ENJOY! :D

Previously: After Evrial is reunited with Tanessa, Dalex goes to inform her of the awful event concerning Rachel.

Chapter 4

The light knock on Evrial's door brought her away from the window and across the cold room. She opened the door, fully expecting Mr. Cander to be there with information on the bells. Not for the first time, she was surprised as Dalex stood in front of her. She met his stunning blue eyes and was immediately filled with dread. He did not bring good news, of that she was sure.

He carefully kept his gaze low as he spoke, "You no doubt are wondering the reason of this visit. Uh, Rachel...” he broke off and met her eyes, "She's dead.” Once he spoke those two words, she could feel her air supply cut off. Dead? How? She gasped quietly to fill her lungs but realized that the only way to stop the tears, was to cough. So many emotions flooded her heart. Surprise, sadness, anger. She could feel his awkwardness intensify as she coughed.

Finally free of the horrible cough, she asked, "How?"

She feared the answer and although she needed to know, she didn't want him to tell her. She didn't want to come to terms with this. Rachel was obviously healthy and young which meant either she was killed in an accident or just killed. She quickly dismissed the latter option, whether from reason or just pure denial, she couldn’t tell.

Evrial wasn't at all prepared for Dalex’s answer, "She was killed. I-" he sighed and gestured helplessly, "I don't have any details for you but I figured you would want to know about it before it was released to the public.” She nodded in thanks. Don’t cry…don’t cry…don’t cry… She hadn’t realized just how hard it was to stay composed when faced with a crisis such as this. Not sure if she would manage it, she turned away from him.

"Was it quick? Did you see the body?" She didn't know why she asked but the question escaped her. She cursed her curiosity of such things and waited for his dreaded answer.

She heard him sigh deeply, "Yes, I was there a moment after she was found and unfortunately, it didn't look like it was quick."

Her body trembled slightly but she willed her voice to stay calm, "Thank you, Dalex. I realize you didn't have to tell me and I thank you for being so thoughtful," she turned around and politely dismissed him, "Do come again and we will speak of things of a more pleasant topic.”

He bowed his good bye before showing himself to the door. Once he left, she scolded herself aloud for being so inconsiderate towards him. Surely he felt a loss even though, to her knowledge, they had no acquaintance. Seeing a body with no life…it could crush someone.

Once she was sure he was gone, she collapsed on her bed and squeezed her pillow as tightly as she could. Although she barely knew Rachel, tears flowed freely down her cheeks. She could barely breathe as tears turned into uncontrollable sobs. She was dead.

Anyone who had the pleasure of knowing the girl was touched with her unforgettable joy in everything she did. She would be sadly missed in the kitchen where she made everyone's day a little brighter. Where she even managed to put a smile on Havana's face. That was a rare quality and Evrial was very sad to see it go. It shouldn't have happened to such a lively young woman and she couldn't possibly think of anyone who didn't love her. Yet someone obviously did not love her as much as everyone thought.

Putting her tears aside, Evrial began to think. It had to be someone who was let inside of the castle; no one gets in or out without the knowledge of the guards and King Isaac made it virtually impossible for anyone to sneak in. Every entrance has two guards posted at them; even the one near the kitchen that was only used to dump the extra food into the trough outside. She figured Cowan would have extra guards now and others to check up on them often. He was probably checking every entrance at this very moment now that there was a killer running about. A brutal one by the way Dalex had spoken about her body. He didn't say anything to describe it but his voice betrayed the awful image locked in his mind.

Evrial was put on edge as she came to the fact that the killer must still be inside the castle. She realized it was a good thing because Cowan would have a better advantage of catching him. She could take care of herself, no problem, but Cowan didn’t know that. He would probably go on a frenzy to keep her safe.

But why Rachel? She just couldn't understand it. Maybe she angered whoever it was somehow...or found something out that the killer wanted to keep to himself?

She wanted to see the body and hated herself for not pressing Dalex on its whereabouts. She knew she could help but that would reveal things she would rather be left alone. Nevertheless, she left her room in search of her friend's body. She paused for a moment and sniffed the air, looking for the smell of death. A strong scent met her nose and she turned to the left, walking cautiously down the long hallway. She made a few more turns, the smell continuously growing stronger until it was almost unbearable. She knew she was going in the right direction.

Soon enough, she heard the guard’s footsteps not far ahead. Her only hope was that Cowan wasn't there as she rounded the corner. The sight before her made her stomach lurch. She fought the urge to plug her sensitive nose from the unbelievable stench of blood. The body was already gone but she could sense what nobody else could…magic.

However Rachel was killed, it wasn't done by man, of that she was sure. A creature known for its brutality was living among them. A creature who no one thought was real. One that had been passed off as a myth. A legend.

The Crassus were not the kind to cross. The stories didn't just tell of their sick ways of killing but the enjoyment they possessed when taking another’s life. Although the stories were a horror, she remembered that the Crassus only killed when having a reason, however petty. Evrial knew they weren't the myths King Isaac passed them off to be but she never encountered one before. Knowing that there was one among them sent a shiver up her spine.

A strong hand grabbed hold of her arm, jerking her out of her thoughts. She shrieked as she was thrown around the corner and against the wall. She felt the air escape her lungs and gasped to replenish them.

Cowan's voice was chilling as it hissed in her ear, "What are you doing here?"

"I just-I just needed to see for myself if it was true.” She stuttered, still shocked that he handled her in such a way. Her shock quickly turned to anger.

"This is no place for you Evrial! No place. You cannot be here," he jerked her arm in the opposite way of the horrible scene around the corner, "go back to your room. There is nothing here for you to do to help me.” His voice was heavy with anger. There was something else too but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. Whatever it was, it only made her anger grow like an uncontrolled fire. Calm down, she told herself, you will regret it if you don’t.

“Cowan, I can help you. Please…no, don’t you walk away from me!” She jumped to catch him and whipped him around a bit less delicately than she intended to. She could see his face turn from shock to a further degree of anger. This wasn’t going to be pretty.

“I will walk away from you if it pleases me to do so! I am working and I don’t have time for this! Go back to your rooms where you’ll be safe, like a woman should be!”

She breathed in deeply, taking the full effect of his insult. Any other day, she would have swooned at his concern but not today. Today he was being an arrogant ass who couldn’t see past her helpless façade if it hit him in the face. If he would just put facts together, he would realize that she wasn’t as useless as every other woman. But no, he wasn’t in any mood to see that a woman could help him when he was stuck.

“Fine.” She didn’t shout. No…he knew that her silent anger was even worse than if she was shouting at him. She could see it on his face but she didn’t care. She turned around and walked away angrily, leaving him watch her. She could feel his eyes on her like they were burning holes into her back but she didn’t turn to look at him. She was in no mood to give him any source of apology. She would not give in. No, she was going right to the top.

Evrial stood before the great doors leading to King Isaac himself. She took a deep, nervous breath. This was a major risk for her. This would determine for her whether she should live or die. It all depended on a man who hated magic; something that she came here to discuss with him. Her hands trembled slightly as she walked into his office.

"Let me guess, she was a friend of yours and how dare I let this happen. Is that what you have to say? If so, leave.” The cold approach of the King sent a chill down her spine and made her want to leave. She would love to pretend that was the reason she came. Unfortunately, she came to discuss a matter far more important than that.

"No, your Majesty. That is not the reason I have come to you. I understand that what I have to say is much more important and much more despised than that.” She lowered her head and dared not meet his gaze. Although she could not see him, she could hear and feel him turn towards her. She could tell that she had peaked his interest and yet she did not want to continue. Too late to go back now...too late. 


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155 Reviews


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Reviews: 155

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Mon May 06, 2019 9:40 pm
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Toboldlygo wrote a review...



Hey there! Toboldlygo here for a review of this chapter! (I really need to sit down and read it all in order; I think I've read half of it by now and all out of order haha)

First of all, before I say anything else, wow! That was so much suspense. I think I said elsewhere in this book (either an earlier or later chapter, who can tell anymore) that for it to be action/adventure, I would like to see more action or at least suspense leading up to a major climax. I feel like this chapter really delivered that, so well done! The last paragraph was particularly suspenseful. I almost feel like it should have had a cliffhanger warning put on it (though by now you've written more so it doesn't matter as much). If you had stopped writing the story here, I probably would have pm-ed you and begged you to finish it. You should be proud of this chapter!

I think this chapter is an excellent work for many reasons. The paragraphs are nice and detailed. I know some people get mad about it, but personally I like paragraphs to be more than just a couple lines. Paragraphs should have a clear beginning, middle, and end, and just putting a couple sentences together doesn't really do that. They're well written and you have so much detail here! I love detail because it makes the story come alive, transitioning it from a school assignment-esque work to a true art of the imagination. It's really amazing how real you make this story become!

A couple things I wanted to point out. You give little to know explanation of what a crassus is. That's okay, as long as you plan to reveal it later, but it's confusing to the reader to have one mentioned with no understanding of who/what is a crassus. It also is unclear exactly what Cowan's issue is with her being in the room. I know he apologizes later (he should do much more than that, in my opinion), but what exactly is his issue? Reading this chapter only, I'm not even sure what he sees in that gorilla. Because having him apologize and her just accept it is a red flag for abuse, I also would be worried about her accepting his apology, particularly if he has no good reason for his actions. I think this is a very concerning aspect of their relationship that needs much more development and also more than the reconciliation that I've seen in later chapters. Also, both Cowan and Evrial have a rather misogynistic worldview if they both think women are useless. Is this a common mentality in their world? Seeing that expressed more would make it more understandable to see in the entirety of the story.

This piece is really very well done! I think it may be the best I've read in this story, so very good job!

Happy Writing!

Toboldlygo




Honora says...


Hey! Thanks for the review! I%u2019m glad you liked it!
Why Cowan freaked at her is explained in a further chapter. It had to do with his past and his little brother so he was testy and not himself kind of thing. I hope that cleared things up! (I will probably go back to make sure it was clarified)
:D



Toboldlygo says...


Yeah, I found time and read them all in order haha. I do think it helped some later on, although I am now watching this relationship with interest to see how healthy it seems moving on. I do think, though, even after reading it all the way through, that that scene could use some more time. But it's also good as it is. :)



Honora says...


Ok thank you for reading it from the beginning! I will work on that scene when I edit! :D



Toboldlygo says...


It was great! I'd already read about half of them out of order so when I had the time I figured I'd better just sit down and read it all the way through haha



Honora says...


That works :D



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Sat Mar 23, 2019 10:16 pm
LadyBug wrote a review...



My current thoughts are: Wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Seriously, this is good! Why didn't you write just one more paragraph instead of leaving us here?
I love this <3.
Let's get to improving now, ;).

THOUGHTS ON THINGS YOU CAN IMPROVE:
Your paragraphs are a bit longer than average. Maybe leave out unneeded details??
Maybe slow down and think. This is good but i get vibes that you binge wrote it (wrote it in a short period of time). Am I right?
Trust me from experience: Don't ever rush perfection. Maybe go through and read it aloud, the plot seems to either drag on or go too fast. Those are my personal thoughts but you might not see it.
You rocked the details, but some of it could be more easily explained.

LIKED:
I felt their emotion. IDK how you did it but I felt connections and their pain. Share tips please!
The details you sprinkled in subtly added so much flavor and made me feel like I was a character. Not just watching.
I had to take deep breaths at some points! You are really good at getting readers' attention....
The characters were all so real. I could see them being real people.
The plot idea. It's creative and to be honest I'm a little jealous.

So, my overall thoughts are a bit mixed. I think it was great but I wish you'd slow it down in some spots and take the time to describe the situation. Imagine having everything frozen on a certain paragraph and you have to describe very important details. Their expressions, the outfits, the setting, the smells, the thoughts. Etcetra. You're pretty good at doing that, though.
I hope you keep writing it. Please?!! I think this was very interesting and I'm almost shaking from the excitement.
Keep up with the coolness and I hope this wasn't too harsh and it made sense.
_-Professor Jade Lotus (XD)-_




Honora says...


Thank you Professor! Everything you said has a valid point and I will definitely keep it in consideration when writing my future works. I%u2019m glad you connect with the characters because that is what I love when I am reading so...YAY!!!




sometimes i don't consider myself a poet but then i remember that i literally write poetry
— chikara