A/N: I posted this work was written a LONG time ago. I have written much better works since then, which your time would be better spent on. Please don't review this work- I appreciate you wanting to help out but I have moved onto better things! But I'm leaving this work up because I don't want the reviews to die with it. -Holysocks Sept. 2016
***
As I took down the glow-in-the-dark stickers from my ceiling. I found myself near tears. This wasn't about having to grow up. It wasn't that my room needed to be repainted. The sad truth was we were leaving. The stars, hearts, planets, and whales had to come down. There was no way of salvaging them either. They were stickers, so once they came off, that was it.
I begrudgingly used my knife to peel them off, and I watched my bed room's sky fall into the garbage. Maybe it shouldn't have been that emotional. But it was. Seriously, this was what made me start thinking about revenge, out of everything they'd done? I wouldn't take revenge on them, it's against my beliefs. But it kept going through my head anyway.
Then a beautiful thought struck me. There's a few very tiny stars. There's four of them, and that's not enough for them to get worked up about. So I left them. And as I did so, I thought of the next time I'd come here. I thought about what those little glow-in-the-dark stars will tell me in years from now. My sparkling spies just seemed to hit the spot. Somehow, with them here, I won't have really left.
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140,216 Literary Works • 673,044 Reviews
Hey Holysocks,it gives m enormous pleasure to read your story.I had been browsing through your stories but being a comparatively less compassionate in reading when compared to writing,I chose to start with the shortest first.It is my first review and it gives me enormous joy to comment on such a wonderfully written story.
Hey Holysocks,it gives m enormous pleasure to read your story.I had been browsing through your stories but being a comparatively less compassionate in reading when compared to writing,I chose to start with the shortest first.It is my first review and it gives me enormous joy to comment on such a wonderfully written story.
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it! Keep up the awesome reviewing! C:
hey,socks....it's the third one...haha..
Well, this is exactly the thing that I seek and to find it written by you is only making my "socking"phobia get more serious.....seriousocks.....
Hmmm....deeeeep....so deeep that I leave the words and fly away somewhere filled with emotions coming from different directions ....and I am being guided there by the words themselves....
The theme is simple...yet the simplicity brings out something extraordinary...simplicity is the most gorgeous...you prove it, dude..
I have looooved it....I want more like this..as I am taking a stroll, I hope to find more like this one..
Hey, there! Here to review.
I thought the story was beautiful written. I could see what was happening very clearly and you did a very good job of showing instead of telling. I liked how she left the stars up, because it almost felt like rebellion in a small way. Her way of revenge and disagreeing with leaving without actually voicing it. It was sweet in a way. I liked how it helped her feel like it would still be her room, and if I was in that situation, I would feel like that too! I really like liked it. Good job!
-Lefty
That's cool.
I'm glad you enjoyed it, thanks!
Hello! KatyaElefant here for another review! Happy Almost the end of Review Day!
NITPICKS:
Never ever ever start a sentence with but or and. This is a violation of all my beliefs. DO. NOT. DO. IT. EVA. You don't do it because but and and are used to connect sentences and not join them! Just don't do it!
My favorite lines in this story was "I thought about what those little glow-in-the-dark stars will tell me in years from now. My sparkling spies just seemed to hit the spot. Somehow, with them here, I won't have really left." That was just the climax in this story. Good job!
I love your story! At first, I thought why not it be a poem but then I realized that it is perfect as a short story. You are great with your organization. You have good spelling. Your grammar is okay but you need to work on constructing your sentences. I love the overall theme. It's so "ninja like". If that were in my house, my mom would be like OH NO YOU DIDN'T. She notices everything. I really like this and I always wished for some glow in the dark stars in my room but I never get them...
Thanks!
I know... I hate starting sentences with 'but' and 'and', but everyone does it, and I thought after awhile that it was fine. I don't know what to think, because on one hand someone's telling me to end my sentences sooner, and on the other, I have people saying that I can't start sentences with 'but' and 'and', and
I'm like DUDE make up your mind! xP
Anyway, sorry if this comment doesn't make much sense... I'm half awake right now.
Don't do drugs just because everyone else does them. XD (drugs being and or buts at the beginning of a sentence)
*face palms* Thanks!
I had to say that. I'm a cliche loving person.
Hello Holysocks!
That's how I felt when I left! I had five glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling of my bedroom, and when we left I couldn't sleep because the pattern of stars wasn't the same. I couldn't stare up at them. I put up some other stars in the same pattern, but they weren't the same. I got used to it though, barely.
~Kelpies
I know! It's terrible! But I'm glad about the move... it's just so different.
Hello, Holy.
Kanome here with a review for you.
This is a sad story... I know how it feels to move from somewhere that has sentimental value in someone's heart.
Anyways, on to the nitpicks..
Yes, this part is unclear. I mean, I understood what you meant, but I want your other readers to understand what you mean as well. A good rewrite wouldn't hurt too much.
The very beginning seemed messed up. There was suppose to be a comma there... the first sentence was a sentence fragment, so merging the two sentences together would make a lot more sense. In my opinion.
This sentence too. Merging these sentences together would make the story a lot more sense and simple to read for your readers, and even future readers.
All in all, this is a great story. Keep up the great work. I can't wait to read more of your writings. c:
Thanks Kanome!
hi! i think this is probably just something you wrote to vent about moving, right? i know that feeling. but besides that, i think this is really clear and good for just a quick short, even though if you were going to expand on this you might want to expand more on where you're going, where you're leaving, why... otherwise, i really like the emotion behind this, and especially the symbolism behind the stars, which i think are a really special touch in like, the whole scheme of things. ^__^
Aw, thanks! You're right, it is basically just me needing an outlet for frustration, and sadness in the process of moving.
Hello there, just a quick review on your short story
I personally loved the beginning of the story. It is quite simple world you had created here. No need to describe more on setting but I think is was in a bedroom right? And the question of growing up there, I really liked it too.
Leaving what? Can you tell more about it?
This part also a bit confusing to me. It is like a dramatic point in your story but I don't have any idea how is was started in a sudden feeling of revenge here. Write more detail on it could help the reader understand more and better.
Overall, really interesting short story you have here. The ideas are good and it has a potential to be written in more specific and make it longer as it is not enough to convey the message to readers.
I found this website that might help us to write a simple short story.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/1 ... 47152.html
Keep it up!
Thanks! Yeah, I know I was very unclear about everything. I am moving... and I felt the need to vent about it yesterday. Thank you anyway!
hello
review.
positive points
1. The first line of this written work.
2. The connection between the character and the stars.
3. words are well written
Improvement points
1. The plot so the reader better understands
2. Describe more of the setting
3. talk more about the main character.
Overall this is a great plot and an interesting read.
~cassie
Thanks for the review!
Hello.
My review.
Good Points
1. First person narrative makes the events seem more personal
2. It reads like a fairytale and is quite interesting to make sense of
3. You have good variation in sentence style, structure, use of punctuation etc.
Improvement Points
1. I think most stories are better with dialogue, even if it is a recount
2. The character here is too obscure to identify. They need clarifying
3. I don't understand the purpose of this work, it describes an event as opposed to telling a story.
You have categorised this work as:
Dramatic, realistic. But realistic to what? It's definitely dramatic.
I don't understand what this is about to be perfectly honest. XD It's written well, I just don't get the meaning of the words.
Regardless of me being silly, keep writing.
~R
Thanks for the review!