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Kinetic Crusade Chapter 7 Gemini Jungle

by Hikarufire64


An hour after Rick had stolen my line, we had realized that getting down this rocky slope from hell was not going to be easy because the multiple sharp rocks littered the slope that lead down to the jungle.

“How can we get down to that jungle without being turned into nature’s human cabob?” Marl asked as the three of us paced around in a circle.

“We could cut the Rocks down to stubs with our Kinesis as we make our way down!” Rick said as he pumped his fist into the air.

I shook my head and tapped his shoulder. “But there are so many that we would’ve used up all our Kinesis energy before we make it half way down.” Rick lowered his hands and his face changed to that of disappointment.

“Oh, well what can we do?” He asked as we went back to pacing around.

As I paced around, I felt a sudden brain freeze, quickly placed my hand to my forehead, and concentrated the Freezing sensation through my legs and down to my feet.

“I think my body is still trying to adjust to having CryoKinesis,” I said as I shook my head a little. “I keep getting these brain freezes.” I took a step forward and suddenly began to slide forward and fell face first into the hard ground.

“Hikaru are you ok?” Marl asked as she ran to my side with Rick running to the other.

“I’m fine, but what the hell did I slip on?” I looked back towards my feet to see the bottom of my shoes frozen solid. I rolled over and sat up; I reached my hand down and felt the frosty soles of my shoes. An Idea popped within my head that had solved our problem.

“I GOT IT!” I yelled as I shot my arms out in excitement but knocking Rick and Marl away in the process.

“So what’s the plan Sherlock?” Marl asked jokingly while rubbing her forehead head. I carefully got up and slowly slid to the edge of the slope and came to a stop.

I put my hand to my forehead and focused on freezing the soles of my shoes to the ground and sure enough, the Ice spread to the ground and connected with the other and forming a giant long Ice board with a strip of hard ice going over my feet.

“Hop on, but it might be a bumpy ride!” I broke one of my feet free from the ice just as Rick and Marl got on, I kicked forward and sent us down the rocky slope. We started gaining speed and the farther we slid down the more I realized this rock-covered slope was longer than I thought.

“Incoming!” I heard Rick shouted, I quickly threw my hands forward as I saw the jagged rock.

“Frozen Guard!” The frosty shield appeared just in time to shatter the rock to pieces, I dispersed the shield in relief.

“Hikaru Look out!” Marl yelled. My head shot up just as the board hit a rocky edge and shattered into bits and pieces and sent us flying through the air.

“Somebody do something!” Marl screamed as we began to fall toward the sea of jungle trees. My mind began to tick faster and faster before an idea rang in my head.

“Rick, clear those trees!” Rick nodded and surrounded himself in multiple breezes of wind before cross chopping the air.

“Aero Slash!” a Larger X blade of wind shot towards the ground and exploded into blades of gushing wind that cut away the incoming trees.

“Ok it’s my turn! Frost Fire!” I summoned multiple blue fireballs and started to hurl them at the ground below and freezing it into a smooth icy surface. I threw one last large frost fire at a large tree we were falling near and froze the side of it into a curved slide. “Frozen Guard!” I turned the rest of the fireballs into a shield of ice and flipped it so the curved in back was facing us. “We’re gonna have to slide down on the shield!” I shouted. We dived towards the shield and pulled ourselves inside; I leaned to the right and slowly moved the shield towards the ice slope before the landing. We slid down the tree just as fast as we were falling and kept sliding forward, the shield quickly turned into a spinning tea cup ride as it began spinning us around faster and faster, and spinning into other trees and bouncing off others.

“I think I’m gonna blow chunks!” Rick yelled in an ill voice.

“Eww not on me,” Marl yelled. “Hikaru try to stop this thing!”

“I’m trying to think of something!” I hollered back. As we were spinning I was just able to make out a blurry spinning fountain statue was heading in our. I closed my eyes and slammed my hand into the middle of the shield and dispersing it into blue flaming shards. We’re launched from the disappearing shield and right into the fountain water. As we stood up from the water with water soaked clothes, crowds of white porcelain creatures rushed from the straw and clay houses that littered the village and toward the water fountain.

“UGH, my hair and clothes got wet and so did my bag!” Marl whined as she began to twist her hair and skirt dry of the fountain water.

She picked up her wide side bag and dumped it onto the ground out of the fountain. Rick got up and hopped down while quickly getting on all fours and shaking himself violently like a dog and spraying the white creatures in the process. I tried to lift myself out of the pool when I noticed I could not move, I looked down and realized I had frozen the area of the fountain I had landed in and was frozen to it by a somewhat thick layer of ice. I struggled a bit to pulled myself out but it finally cracked and I broke free and jumped out with shards of ice following behind.

“Finally someone was smart enough to put ice cubes in the water fountain, I told you all I wasn’t crazy when I said there are cubes of ice!” I gruff old voice called from the sea of porcelain creatures, the crowd parted as an older one with an oversized white beard and a stick walked up to the fountain with a glass cup of water in his hand.

“Oh visitors!” the elder said sounding quite surprised, “I haven’t had one of you since the last one left with a tummy ache and a bad case of Diabetes after that time the water in the fountain turned into this weird tasting lemonade.” The elder said while grooming his beard with his finger.

One of the creatures poked his head out of the crowd and tapped the elders shoulder. “Umm... elder that wasn’t lemonade...” the whispering crowd went silent for a second as the elder’s face turned to that of worry and then disgust. “Uhh... well I guess I’ll have to get myself checked out.” He suddenly hit the ground with his stick and looked up at us.

“Children what are you names?” I raised my hand to answer his question.

“My name is Hikaru, and the girl to my right is Marl, the boy to my left is Rick. We’re on a quest gather the four medallions and save Harmona.” As I explained our story to the elder, the crowd around him began to tilt their heads as if confused.

“Well it seems you kids have been through a lot, come on I’ll let you rest at my place.” The elder began to walk through the crowd as he made a signal for us to follow him; we all jumped down from the fountain to follow him when I realized how small the villagers really were. Most had come up to our waists and below but some were big and up to our chests, and few were small and came up to the ankle. We walked through the crowd of porcelain white creatures with a different kind of gemstones in each pair of eyes, which stared us down as we followed their village elder.

When we made it to a rather large looking hut, we entered and walked down a long hall made of hardened clay with torches attached to the wall. We came to the end of the hall where a large chair made of sticks and a stone was in the center of the room. “So what brings you all here today?” the elder asked.

“We came here to ask about the location of an ancient Medallion that we need to stop a once sealed race called the Horns.” I answered.

“Oh so you’re the ones that are searching,” he said surprised. “The village fortune teller informed me of your arrival so ill help you, but not before you help us.” He said with a sparkle in his eye, Rick raised his hands in front of him a bit and sighed.

“I knew it, if your gonna take anyone,” He said looking at Marl and I. “Take Hikaru as a sacrifice, me and Marl with trek the journey together,” He looked at Marl and winked. “Alone.” Marl, without moving any other part of her body, drove her elbow straight into his chest. Rick stood half steadily while holding his chest.

“Oh god... my rib cage, I think she punctured my lung and fractured a bone at the same time!” Rick began to slowly fall to his knees as Marl crossed her arms with the same annoyed face she had on when she hit Rick.

“What’s the Deal?” I asked as I glanced at Rick who was on his side at this point, the elder looked down and then back at us.

“We need you to kill a monster that has been attacking and killing people in this village for years, we’ve tried everything but nothing works and we need to end this thing soon or there won’t be any more of us.” He said tearfully. I shook my head and set my Iron Shinai on my shoulder.

“Don’t worry Sir, we’ll kill that monster!” I said as I saluted.

“Where is this thing anyways?” Marl asked.

“It’s in a cave west of here, but I can’t let you all go without some help.” He slammed the butt of his staff into the ground twice and another porcelain white creature stepped out from behind his chair.

“Take my nephew, Kipper.” The creature opened its mouth and gave a big wide toothy smile.

“Hi I’m Kipper the Gemini, and I will be your guide to the cave of the defiantly not a deadly toxic child soul eating slug!” We stood still as a chill ran up my spine and possibly Marl and Rick’s at the same time.

“Oh he’s just joking, He was always a jokester!” The elder said hesitantly. “Well you all should hurry back after you kill that thing, laters!”

He slammed his staff again and two-armored Gemini poked and prodded us outside with pointed bamboo spears including the elder’s nephew. I looked behind me and saw them rolling Rick out on his side while he was still holding his chest.

“So what do we do now?” asked Marl. I turned to say something but Kipper suddenly jumped out from between us.

“We go shank a slug till it stops moving, let’s go people!” He gestured for us to follow him out the west side of the village.

“I guess we’re going to shank a slug.” I said jokingly, Marl snickered a little and walked after Kipper. I start to walk but a hand grabbed my foot before I could take another step. I looked down to see Rick still holding his chest in pain.

“I... Need... Medic.” I reached down, grabbed him by his arm, and started to drag him along.

“Come one Rick, let’s go before you start you start seeing the light.” As I am dragging him, he reached one of his hands out toward the sky.

“I think I’m seeing the light right now!” I put his hand down and continued to drag him.

“That’s the Sun Rick.”He paused and scratched his head “Oh...”


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802 Reviews


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Reviews: 802

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Sun Jan 29, 2017 8:57 pm
Dracula wrote a review...



Hey there, Hikarufire64, and happy almost-end-of Review Day! :D

“We could cut the Rocks down to stubs with our Kinesis as we make our way down!” Rick said as he pumped his fist into the air.
I like Rick's character. He seems like the comic-relief in your story, very light-hearted and confident in himself.

“So what’s the plan Sherlock?” Marl asked jokingly while rubbing her forehead head.
You say 'head' twice here.

“Aero Slash!” a Larger X blade of wind shot towards the ground and exploded into blades of gushing wind that cut away the incoming trees.
There was a lot of action here and you did a good job keeping the pace fast.

“I haven’t had one of you since the last one left with a tummy ache and a bad case of Diabetes after that time the water in the fountain turned into this weird tasting lemonade.” The elder said while grooming his beard with his finger.
You should research Diabetes and use something else, because you've wrongly represented the illness here which would definitely offend some readers.

Children what are you names?” I raised my hand to answer his question.
You need to separate these two. Since the elderly isn't raising his hand, it shouldn't be in the same paragraph as his speech.

That’s the Sun Rick.”He paused and scratched his head “Oh...”
Oh! That 'oh' was a top-notch way to finish up. Okay, I loved your characters. They are each very unique, and your pace was good now. Just watch your paragraphing, like I pointed out above, and be sure to research real-life things before you put them into your story.

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Sat Jan 14, 2017 3:49 pm
Carlito wrote a review...



Hello again! :D Since I've missed a chunk of plot now (which is totally fine) I'm going to look at this chapter in isolation as part of the greater whole rather than commenting on overarching plot/character arcs.

Overall, you did a nice job of creating suspense and drama in the chapter with the preliminary problem of not knowing how they're going to get down the slope and ending with this new challenge of fighting another monster. I appreciate that you're not making their quest for the medallions easy and that you have a lot of elements to the plot happening. (I appreciate that even more at this present moment because I'm reading a very one-note, frankly boring book right now :p). But anyway.

The comments I've made in previous chapters about more inner monologue, more emotional resonance, etc. apply here as well :) Tough stuff to do, and I'm not going to spend much time harping on it. In one of my reviews I linked to a few articles in the knowledge base here on YWS. Not everyone knows about the knowledge base, so I would encourage you to poke around and see if anything in there is helpful to you. I linked you to the writing tutorials page because that's what I use most, but there is also a page for poetry, grammar/research, yws, and miscellaneous. :)

The action scene when they were working on coming down the slope was fun to read. It kind of reminded me of something, but I can't quite put my finger on it. Anime? Pokemon? It's been too long since I was into either :p

One of my bigger qualms with this chapter was when they met the creatures and tell them about their mission and the creatures are like "fine we'll help you but kill this giant monster for us" and Hikaru and his gang are like "fine. done." I mean, it's cool that they're so eager and confident they'll be able to help and that the monster will be no big deal. But if I were in that position, I would want a lot more information before I signed up for that mission. How big is this monster? Where does it live? How/when/where does it attack? What are its defenses? How have people tried to kill it before? Where did they go wrong? How will my weapons and defenses fare against the monster? What's my chance of not dying? Etc. And what about the rest of the team? Do any of them have any fears or worries about taking on this challenge? Do they all agree it's a good idea? Shouldn't there be a bit of discussion between them before they agree to take on the challenge? Is there any other way to get this medallion?

I think you write dialogue pretty well. It feels natural, so use that to your advantage and use dialogue to help drive the plot forward and show the thought processes and feelings of your characters. (Are you getting sick of me talking about thoughts and feelings yet? :p) I want to see the decision making process more. Get in deep!

Another thing I think you could bring out more is the sense of setting. I don't read a ton of fantasy, but when I do I want to be teleported to the world and feel like I'm there experiencing it alongside the characters. I want details about what the place looks like, sounds like, smells like, feels like, etc. Especially in these mission sorts of books where the protagonists are going to many different places and the setting is changing all the time, it's important to give your reader a strong feel of where we are. And you created this awesome world, so show it to us! :) Peruse the knowledge base a little because there are a ton of great articles in there about description.

This review is a bit shorter than the others, so let me know if you would like feedback about anything I haven't already mentioned, or if you need any clarification/questions answered. You've got an interesting concept here and I like all of the little plot threads you have going on, so I really hope you keep working on this story! Feel free to come back for more reviews if you want! :D




Hikarufire64 says...


Thanks again! And im not annoyed by you pointing about the emotion part cuz that lets me know that most of these other chapters need a bit more emotion just like the others, so the more reviews i get from you the more kinks(kanks?) I can iron out so thanks again.



Carlito says...


No problem!! Glad you found it helpful :)




i like that the title of dr jekyll and mr hyde makes a clear stance that the embodiment of one’s own evil doesn’t get a claim to the doctorate
— waywardxwallflower