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Kinetic Crusade Chapter 4 Electric Drums

by Hikarufire64


When we arrived at the foot of the mountain, I watched small electrical discharges course along the rocks of the mountain and began to feel a little nervous about climbing it.

“What's wrong?” Marl asked.

“Nothing it's just, the sight of those stray discharges just zapping everywhere...” said as I rubbed my arm nervously, she suddenly grabbed my hand and pulled me along up the mountain with her.

“Don't worry about it; these zaps of static don't even hurt!” I gulped and looked away from the static on the ground as I walked behind Marl and looked at her ponytail instead. As we climbed up the mountain I suddenly heard a loud roar and a Rabbit-like man was sent flying out of the cave, landing in front of the entrance.

“Oh my god, DAD!” Marl shouted as she ran to him

“Dad?” I said confused. “Wait that's your dad!”

“Yeah, he told me he was going somewhere and I guess this is where he went.”

When we reached the top, there stood Marl's father. A white furred rabbit with grey spots here and there and wore black and purple assassin clothing with a long dark purple scarf and sheaths that held sharp daggers and knives and a katana strapped to his back. He was dusting himself off and already getting back on his feet. When he looked up at me and Marl his eyes towards shot to me, He gave me a gaze that practically shot a drilling arrow into my soul. His eyes trailed down my form but stopped, I looked to where his eyes had stopped and realized he was looking at our still joined hands and slowly let go.

“Marl I thought I told you to stay in town,” he said sternly. “Why are you up here and with a boy?” He yelled in a furious tone.

“Dad I'm not a little girl anymore, I'm old enough to take care of myself and besides we came here to get the Medallion!” Marl took a step in front of me to stay between her cutthroat dad and me.

“This is Hikaru, he had the same dream I did, and he came to town looking for the Medallions like I was.” His face began to become calmer the more she explained my being here.

“So that's the story huh?” He said as he crossed his arms and looked into the mountain entrance.

“Well in that case, I might as well help you two inside.”

“Thank you sir,” I said as I bowed in respect. “It would make getting the medallion a whole lot easier.” He turns to me with a dark look in his eyes and grips me up by the collar.

“Don't think I'm letting you off easy, I've got my eye on you so don't think you can start kissing ass so you can get off my list, you understand?” I swallow my courage and responded with a quiet.

“Yes sir.” Before I’m dropped to the ground.

Similar to the outside of the cave and true to its name, Static electricity was shooting from stalactites to stalactites as we passed by. I felt a sudden zap of electricity hit the top of my head, when I looked up I saw a radiant droplet of water hit the ground and dispersed into sparks on the ground.

“Even the water here is electrified!” I said as I rubbed my head where the water hit.

“Well that's Static Mountain for you!” Marl said with a smile.

“If you don't like electricity you can still leave, the entrance is back there.” Her father suggested pointing back to the way we came in.

“Well I'm not going to let something we use everyday stop me!” I walked up beside Marl who smiled at me; her father on the other hand made a low and clenched his fist. Suddenly his ears perked up and began to twist and turn; we both stopped when we noticed he stopped walking and pressed our backs together with our weapons drawn.

“Looks like we have some intruders’ boys!” a loud voice echoed out.

“Yeah look what the Easter bunny brought for us!” Another voices shouted which was followed by laughter.

“Oh crap, what fresh hell is this!” I said.

“Fools, who want this medallion, give up now and we'll make your deaths quick and painless!” Two weasel like monsters with electrified hair and two black long claws walked out from the darkness.

“It’s the Raiju, and the same ones that threw me out before!” Marl's father pulled twin assassin knives from the sheaths at his waist and stood in front of Marl.

“Look who's back, the so called assassin of Boruto we threw out before, we told you before to stay out but this time we'll have a delicious brunch with your daughter and her boyfriend as the main course.”

As the word “Boyfriend” echoed through the cave in silence, Marl’s Father’s ears began to twitch, and within seconds the Raiju’s entire head was rolling on the ground with a katana gleaming in the light. “You furry bastard!” the other one cried, he charged at the rabbit with fast speed but Marl whacked him on the head with her Bo staff and I followed up with strike to its side from my Iron Shinai and Marl's father hurled a large ninja star which sliced through his throat but nearly missed my head.

“Hey that almost hit me!” His expression of seriousness did not change at all; he walked on through the cave and pulled Marl along with him. We reached the exit of the cave that led outside, but before we could take a step closer, three small balls of electricity floated out and in a flash, there stood four Raiju’s front of us blocking the entrance.

“We told you to leave this cave, but instead you kill two of us in search of something that isn't here!”

“Quit lying we know it's here, that's the town's Medallion and it doesn't belong to you!” protested Marl. He smiled devilishly and then whistled, another group of came out from behind us and started to march out the cave.

“Well I guess they'll have to go take care of that so-called town.” I quickly realized the Raiju’s plan and turned to Marl's father.

“They're going to wreck the town so they can claim the medallion for themselves, you have to go and stop them!”His face turned to that of surprise and looks at me as if I was crazy.

“Are you kidding me, I'm not leaving my daughter here with you and those electric rats!” Marl turned around to her father and stomped her foot on the ground.

“Dad, go and stop them if you don't the people of the town could get hurt! Do it for Me, Do it for Mom!” He froze and stood in silence and then looked at me.

“I'll protect her, I cross my heart.” I said as I placed a hand to where my heart is.

“Alright, I'll go but you two better make it out alive!” He ran out after the group of Raijus and looked back at us one more time before running out of the mountain.

“You should've let him stay; you know you won't make it out Alive!” He pounced at us and struck me with his powerful claw sent me into a wall, Marl struck him in the gut with her Bo staff and knocked him out of the air, another Raiju tripped her with its long nail and prepared to dive on her with his sharp claws. I jumped to my feet, jumped at it, and rammed my elbow into its chin mid-air. Marl used her Bo staff to get back on her feet, and when another one tried to attack, she jumped up to evade its claw swipe. She jabbed its eye out with her Bo staff then cracked the top of its head and smashed it to the ground.

“You little rat bastard get out of my sight!” It lashed out at me with claw strikes and I quickly parried each one, I saw an opening as it began to slow down and swung as hard as I could and struck it in the Jaw and letting its teeth fly.

“Who's next?” I announced with a confidence in my voice.

“ME!” A body knocked me to the ground and began to claw at my backpack.

“Don’t worry Hikaru I got him!” Marl cried out. I heard a crack and the Raiju’s face landed next to mine, I quickly jumped to my feet and kicked the Raiju’s face away.

“Ok, where's the last one?” I ask. “I think it ran out through the exit, come on!”

We raced outside after the missing Raiju through the cave exit, I stopped to look down at what I was running on and my heart dropped, what we were running on was a big grey storm cloud with electric power coursing in and out sight.

“Hey you, don't lay a finger on that Medallion!” I looked up and Marl was shouting at the Raiju that ran out on the cave.

“The Master shall know what to do with you intruders!” It reached out grabbed the Medallion, which was embedded in a small cloud wall, and a bright flash of light had us all covering our eyes. When we lowered, our arms a there stood the guardian of the Lighting Medallion. A red chubby Oni like creature with two horns and yellow eyes, it had a headband tied around its forehead and wore a blue tribal skirt and six small drums floated behind it, it yawned at the Raiju as if awoken from a nap.

“Who woke me up?” I stepped back and pointed to the Raiju who was trying to pull the Medallion out of its socket.

“Stupid old Dog, Get zapped on!” it beat a single drum and electrified the Raiju, which dispersed into small yellow balls of light, and then looked at us.

“So what are you two here for?”

“We're here to get the Medallion you guard, and we need it ASAP!” demanded Marl. It began to snicker a little then chuckled and burst into full on laughter.

“You actually think I'm gonna hand you the Medallion just because you asked, you gotta be joking Hahahaha!” Marl slammed her Bo staff down which interrupted the laughter.

“This isn't a joke, if we don't get that Medallion something terrible will happen!” Its face got anger but it changed to an expression like it realized something.

“Oh you're those guys Boreas told me about, alright let's play!” The Guardian pulled two drums sticks from the clouds and clashed them together; it began beating its six drums and with each drum beat a strike of lightning struck the ground and closing in on us.

We rolled to the side just as the lightning finally struck the spots we were standing in. I ran at the Guardian while jumping, dodging and rolling out of the way of each electric strike, and I tried to strike its open stomach, sadly my Iron Shinai bounced off like I hitting a rubber ball with a stick. It just chuckled with each strike to the gut and then swatted me away with its drumstick.

“I'm not like that old bag of fur Boreas kid; I don't have time to toy around!” Marl ran past me with her Bo staff on her shoulder, she stabbed it in the ground as she ran and launched herself at the guardian’s face to deliver a swift kick in the eyes.

“And you should keep an Eye on your opponents!” It growled as it held its eye in pain and dived at us on its storm cloud while swinging its drumstick. We ducked as he swept past us and as he came back around, we charged directly at him, I held both my hands up above my head and Marl jumped on them and used them as a step to jump onto the guardian’s drumstick. She leaped off them and smashed her Bo staff into its face and knocking it off the cloud.

“Enough of this,” it said groggily. “It’s time for you two to see the Flat side of things!” It jumped high into the air and bounced down onto its belly, it bounced again and before we had time to react, and hit the ground hard enough that it sent us flying apart.

“Hikaru, get ready!” Marl yelled.

“Ready for what?” I replied. She ran towards me with her Bo staff facing up.

“Let’s pop this lardtard!” I nodded in response and as the Guardian came falling back down I grabbed hold of the Bo staff just as the Guardian came into range. “People like you really need to Hop Off!” We thrusted the Bo Staff straight into its Belly and out its back. I looked into its face and its eyes went blank white. He exploded into rainbow colored static currents that coursed into and through clouds that.

A Bright light suddenly swallowed me up; I open my eyes and realize that we were high in the sky but still standing on the clouds from Static Mountain. I looked around and saw Marl staring up at the Red Oni guardian, who was now sitting upon a cloud with Boreas standing next to him. He had an embarrassed expression on his face while he rubbed his stomach, but soon that look changed to a cheerful happy expression and he began to laugh with glee. A sudden white flash of light swallowed me up and I opened my eyes and found I was lying on the cloud, which was now floating back down the mountain and to Boruto Town below, I got up and looked over at Marl who was just coming to.

“Raijin huh...” she murmured to herself, she noticed I was looking at her and she turned around to hide her face. “We'd better get up before this cloud reaches town, or my dad might think something else happened...” I jumped to my feet in a hurry and grabbed her to help her up on her feet. The cloud comes to a stop in front of the Town gate and I jumped off first and then grabbed Marl’s hand and helped her off, as soon as Marl's foot leaves the cloud it floats back up to the top of Static Mountain.

“Oh wait where did the Medallion go?” I start to search through my pockets for the Lightning Medallion and realize it is nowhere to be found. Marl tapped my shoulder and touched her hand to a mysterious pink hair scrunchy with the Lightning medallion attached to it.

“Where the hell were you two at!” a loud voice called to us. I turned around to see It was Marl's father who had battle damaged assassin gear.

“Dad look we got the Medallion!” Marl said as she turned her head and pointed to the medallion attached to her new scrunchy.

“That's nice, now we can go back home, let's go!” He attempted to grab her hand but she moved it out of the way. “What are you doing you can go home now, you helped him get his Medallion so we can go back home.” Marl looked at her feet and then back at her Father.

“Dad, I have to go...” He looked at her with sadness in his eyes but he gazed at me with anger.

“What the hell did you put in her head?” He started to walk towards me but Marl stepped in the way. “Dad Hikaru didn't put a thing in my head; I know I have to go with him why do you think I had that dream?” He stopped in his tracks and closed his eyes; his face covered with the pain of letting Marl leave was killing him.

“Fine... if you must go, you must go but let me have a word with Hikaru for a minute...please.” I gulped as Marl nodded and left me alone with her Father as she went to the town gate. He placed his hands on my shoulders instead of my throat and spoke in a more calm voice.

“Please I want you to protect my daughter; she's the only thing I have left so you better protect her with your life!” I saluted him while staring into eyes.

“I promise to protect her and make sure she comes home safe and sound!” he swiped his nose with his thumb and smiled at me.

“You better soldier, now go!” he pushed me forward and I turned and waved him goodbye before I run to the Gate where Marl awaited.

“You ready Hikaru?” Marl said with a smile. I nodded and look to the road ahead.

“Here we go, to the next Medallion!”


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94 Reviews


Points: 3571
Reviews: 94

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Thu Dec 29, 2016 9:26 pm
deleted868 wrote a review...



Hey there! I'm here to get this chapter out of the Green Room on this lovely Review Day! To start off, this has a nice length, but it may be long enough to make readers apprehensive about reading this, so I recommend that you either cut a few parts of this chapter, or you divide it into two parts. Let's see: your characters are okay. I can't really determine how old they're supposed to be though; they seem like they're teenagers, but some of their dialogue seems too forced and kind of typical. The one part I'm confused is why Marl's dad was so mad when he met back up with them, but he had left before, so shouldn't he have known somewhat about where their whereabouts would be? Maybe I'm just reading this wrong.

I like the action in this, but some of it seems weirdly worded. I recommend that you look over the fighting, especially the dialogue, since some of it seems really forced and rather stiff, unlike how one might actually speak in that type of situation. Maybe try to add more personality and emotion in the conversations, such as when Marl's father is speaking, since I can't really defect any true emotions he's feeling in that moment. Even though he's telling, his words aren't reflecting what it seems he should be feeling.

All in all, this chapter is okay. The action is decent, and there's not too much dialogue in this, but there are definitely some areas you can improve in to make this chapter better. Good job so far! I hope this helped!




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Sat Dec 17, 2016 9:54 am
yizhongt wrote a review...



Hey there, yizhongt here to leave a review.

Let me start by saying that you have an exciting and interesting story here. The descriptions you give of the surroundings and the characters are well written, giving the audience a clear picture of everything. Spelling wise, I see that you don't have a problem. In terms of the flow of the story, I think the story flows well. It is neither too fast, or too slow.

There is, however, a formatting error with your story. All your character's dialogue is in one paragraph, all lumped up together. One paragraph can have two or even three characters talking to one another. Now this can get very confusing for the reader, trying to distinguish between who is actually speaking. I had to reread a number of paragraphs to catch each separate voice. I suggest that you break up the dialogue. Every time someone new speaks, you start a new paragraph. Don't put two or three people speaking into one paragraph. Break it up.

All in all, I think this is a good story. You just need to fix that formatting issue and it is all good to go. Keep up the work, and keep writing!





Forever is composed of nows.
— Emily Dickenson