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Kinetic Crusade Prologue Harmona History

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Years ago, when the world was but a simple place to live, Many races such as Humans, Reptiles, Beasts, Avians, and Dragons and many other races and species lived and thrived together in Peacefully in the country called Harmona.

One day the Human race one of the races living in Harmona discovered a sacred power called Kinesis and shared the knowledge of this power with the other races. 

This power was found to be hidden within all the races of Harmona. This newfound power brought order and diversity to the land and the four elemental kingdoms were born.

The Corona Kingdom had PyroKinesis the power of fire, and was mostly a battle-focused kingdom and dominated two of the kingdoms except the Crystal Kingdom, which held its own just as well, aside from fighting they were common war generals and tacticians that used their PyroKinesis exceedingly well.

The Crystal Kingdom had CryoKinesis the power of Ice; they were a highly intelligent kingdom that used their CryoKinesis mainly for military and mechanical purposes. 

Most of their machines were created using the power of ice and the resources around them and with the other powers of the other kingdoms, made many essential machinery that they used to survive.

The Static Kingdom had Electrokinesis the power of Electricity, this was a kingdom that some would say worked behind the scenes and wore a facade when caught. 

They were a Kingdom that had little known about them aside from their pacts and roles, this kingdom was known for their beautiful practices of dancing and entertainment for their more interesting power of electricity, though this quick and powerful Kinesis led to the darker yet unknown side of the Kingdom that went a mystery in addition. 

The Aero Kingdom had Telekinesis the power of Wind. This odd kingdom cared little about who ruled over whom but rather cared about the very continent they lived on. 

The kingdom kept to themselves and worried only for the condition of the land and defended the very nature that resided in Harmona, this mostly peaceful kingdom could turn vicious at the blink of an eye and would go down fighting for the protection of a flower. 

Their power of razor sharp winds may not have been deadly but could put a war at halt and send them away in pain, and with their knowledge of the very land they resided upon they could easily ambush any approaching attacks.

Years later two new races were discovered the Halo and Horn race.

These two races were a manifestation of both the good and the evil within the hearts of the species on Harmona they lived beyond the other races, and later built kingdoms to fit in with the others. 

The kingdom of Illumia was home to the Halo race and the kingdom of Dimia was the home to the Horn race even though peace had lasted so long in the country, it was to not last any longer as a sudden disagreement between the Illumia and Dimia broke out into a savage war.

The four kingdoms within the country unaware that the war was about to take place or how it would even affect them until they were all informed that the war's battlefield would be Harmona itself. 

Despite the four Kingdom's attempts at preventing the war all attempts failed and the war began, The War destroyed half of Harmona killing many in the process and was on the verge of decimating the entire continent and as the country was about to fall into the almighty hands of Death; a by standing Specter of the war. 

Four warriors rose from each of the kingdoms to end this vicious war dead in its tracks. The four warriors used the sacred medallions, which held the very power source their Kinesis powers, which was held by each kingdom to seal the Dimia race and the Halo race to stop the current war and prevent another from arising and bringing what little peace back to the land.

The warriors of Harmona proceeded to rebuild the land to the best of their abilities and went their separate ways and life went on to progress normally through the land.

In honor of the two races that lost, and because half of the country was demolished anyways, the races of Harmona split the land into two regions, the Heaven Region that was the land unaffected by the war and the Hell Region the destroyed half. 

The kingdoms were sadly forced to spread out and make use of what they could in the two regions, the Pyro and Electro races traveled to the Hell region and the Cryo and Aero races stayed within the Heaven region and life in the country went on as time went on. 

Races began to intertwine with others and soon the war and the kingdoms of the past were only told in stories and history books, and evolution took its course and the use of the country's power dwindled down to only selected and lucky few. 

All seemed to stay as peaceful as it could, until...

Comments & reviews · 2
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deleted868
Review

Hello there! I'm here to get your story out of the Green Room on this lovely Review Day, woo! So let's start! Since this is a prologue, this review will probably be a little shorter than normal, sorry XD! So this is an okay start I think; like JosephGeorge said below, this seems like a pretty typical fantasy novel, which is perfectly fine if you can try to throw in a few unique things into the plot. I'm hoping that you'll take this prologue into the next few chapters and establish a more unique plot with twists and turns since as of right now, it's similar to some fantasy books. The first thing that pops out to me is that you have some random capitalization errors throughout this prologue. I'm not a huge fan of authors capitalizing lots of words to emphasize them, since I personally feel that certain words already have emphasis put on them, and that capitalizing them seems unnecessary, but it's up to you. I just don't really see the point of capitalizing not just the races but also the kingdoms as well.

Alright so let's look at the overall plot you had created here. I don't really think you need to list the different races, at least in the prologue, as that's something you can weave into the story later on and keep your readers interested in what type of creatures you'll be including in this story. I feel that by including some of the species it can cause the reader to feel turned off since they'll just compare this story with other fantasy stories they've read before, which is unfair. You want to try to be able to lure the reader in and make them interested into what will happen later on in your story. In addition, I feel that the descriptions of the different kingdoms are rather flat. Most of the time, I don't really care about reading about the kingdoms at face value; to me, it's more interesting to learn how the general population feels about certain things, such as just the characters reflecting in their lives, instead of an overview on it.

All in all, this is an okay start, but there are definitely a few things that you could work on to improve this a lot. There's some promise in this, but I'd recommend that you change the format, maybe insert this as a tale being spoken by someone? Just try to change things or mix things up and see where you end up! I hope this helped some and good luck with your story!

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JosephGeorge
Review

Hey Hikarufire64,

Being that this is a "prologue," I won't focus any on writing style or nature, but just on the concepts behind your book and the ideas presented in it.

First Impressions: Seems like a classic fantasy with a few personal twists thrown in, but nothing too fancy or new.

Positives: Your concept on this whole element bending turned into a kinetic magic is interesting, and while it's definitely not new, it's unique enough to be intriguing.

Negatives:

any races such as Humans, Reptiles, Beasts, Avians, and Dragons and many other races


If you're going to create this new, fantasy world, then you have to be careful about using all of the "cliche" creatures like dragons and such. And bringing Humans into it will be a big turn off point for some, because it will feel like a knock-off of Lord of the Rings. Ultimately, the best is to do your own thing entirely, or to restrict yourself to a strict, High Fantasy style that is unique only in the story line and characters.

Four warriors rose from each of the kingdoms to end this vicious war dead in its tracks. The four warriors used the sacred medallions, which held the very power source their Kinesis powers, which was held by each kingdom to seal the Dimia race and the Halo race to stop the current war and prevent another from arising and bringing what little peace back to the land.


This part doesn't fit in the negative or the positive section, so don't mind that. The part that I thought about this is that there may be an issue with letting single characters become the most powerful characters, especially if that power is tied to an object.

Way overused. It's easy, but not so clean. There will be a lot of rough edges you have to smooth out in order to make it work, but if you can help it to be realistic, then you should have no problem.

Overall: Sounds like it will be a good young adult fiction.

I give it:
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Joseph Henry George

Wow thank you for this review, this is gonna help me with parts of the story that are tied to this history prologue, and thanks for the 3 stars too!

Sure thing Hikaru! If there's anything that you'd like me to help with, just PM me and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.



Love is so short, forgetting is so long.
— Pablo Neruda