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140,788 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
Hey,
I'm a bit in two minds about this poem.
On one hand it is very good but on the other I feel as if it doesn't quite come together as well as it could.
I don't know for me I just feel as if it could be a lot more better and smoother.
There were bits I loved and bits I didn't.
For example I love
This stanza is so beautiful.
I think that you just need to work on getting a stable flow, it is great in some places and not in others.
Something I do with a poem is go back and read it after a couple of days and reread it so you see it from more of a readers perspective.
There are some interesting bits in this which are also very good.
Well done and keep it up!
Nargles xx
This is actually really good! I like it, has purpose. Well done!:D
Very nice poetry. I like the title and while I was reading your poem I kept wondering why the title is Live! Live, I must! That's when I got to the last four paragraphs and it all started to sink in. I believe that it's a great idea to use the last line as the title. And it's not just one line, this single line describes the entire poem. That's not so easy to achieve and yet here you are, doing it so easily.
-The trees frowns at you,
I think it should be frown.
And the most amusing part was when the owl is hooting, telling the fog to leave. Even the trees are showing their dislike. I liked the different rhyming words you used. they were fun to read. My favorite paragraph was the fourth one. The voice is telling the fog to be strong and endure whatever comes forth it but never give in or die. That was awesome. You're really a great poet. You kept with the flow of the poem. Do keep it up!