El Paso Fino
Oh, I'm at my window
Yearning for anyone or anywhere
My kitchen curtained by the moon's glow,
Laced by memories, that once reclined there
There's a lullaby upon the Guadalupe Mountains,
And the Pecos wishes it lorded over Judgement Day
Wanderlust is for passing, my passages I have accounted,
So promise me you won't be lead astray
***
Like an old Polaroid, of some sweet and faded daydream,
I remember when Daddy and Momma, brought me to the farm,
Daddy said; "This foal son, we're entrusting to your keeping."
"Life's a rough ride." Said Momma; "But a Paso Fino can walk upon any harm."
The young cowboys ride Quarterhorses and Mustangs,
And the old cowboys like their Morgans and Painted Pintos
As for me, I'll saddle the velvet of which Momma sang
Both atop and through to El Paso Fino
***
The name I gave was Vida, because to live life is our goal
To ride old Vida, was to slide on butterscotch
His coat both dull and shiny, like soot powdered polished coal,
And the poise of his stride, like hickory-barreled scotch
Chin speckled gray, nose Roman and curved,
His worrisome eyes glancing, their stare keen and steeled
And the wind in his mane, has sayings disturbed,
But even when we're apart, his beating heart I always feel
***
Well El Paso, are prayers with you are mingled,
Beyond which smell the yucca flowers I intended to pick for thee
Your streets are walked El Paso, and Vida and my years perhaps singled,
And I hope when I look back at your lights, my true love I will see
The whites in the snowfields have their willful leave,
But my true love's smile will burn away the night
There'll be winds in the mane that paw, strain, and heave,
But Vida's Paso Fino footfalls are as soft as my true love's delight
***
Where on and through El Paso Fino,
And I promise we'll see you soon
Whether we have to ride as far as Bakersfield or Reno,
Or I have to enterprise my sails into the light of the moon
***
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
This is a super cute poem! It has all the feels - happiness, challenge, and nostalgia. I think this poem is less about the horse the character is given, and more about LIFE. It's sometimes bumpy, sometimes smooth, sometimes shiny, sometimes dull - but it always helps to have a dear friend along the way. Even when that friend is no longer with you, it can still bring you happiness to look back at those shining little lights. Definitely a sweet little poem.
If I was to suggest any changes, I would say: try to make as many of the lines truly rhyme as possible. You have some good rhythm going in some places, but I really felt that got broken up sometimes by the last words not rhyming.
Great work overall!!
Hello! This is a random weirdo here to give you a quick review.
This is probably one of my favorite parts, and I love how the main character's personality shines through in just one line. As I interpret it, they're free-spirited and want adventure, and maybe someone to come along as well.
In the second stanza, you describe other horses and the people that ride them before returning to your own horse. I find that so powerful, and heartwarming in a way. And in the next, you describe Vida in a way that's easy to visualize.
Only thing confusing to me was a few lines that the reviewer below me already addressed, so I won't repeat what they said.
All in all, I really enjoyed this poem! I hope to read more by you in the future.
Hi there,
Here to review!
So overall this poem's message seemed to be a love poem to an el paso fino horse named Vida that the speaker adores beyond any other horse. The poem recounts how the speaker and the horse met - introduced by their father, and then how the horse brought them through many landscapes.
I like that you had a few "play on words" with the spanish aspects - like "El Paso Fino" which can mean the fine step -> and you referred to the path / step of the horse a few different times, and how the name Vida also became symbolic.
Overall I haven't read very many horse adoration poems, but you captured a little reflection of the majesticness of horses, and seem to know a lot of language around them, so I think it was successful.
Side note - I see you mention Reno - > have you ever seen the wild horse herds outside of Reno? I did once when I was younger, and it was absolutely magical!
A few other thoughts...
There were some parts that I had a little difficulty following along with what was being said. You've got some really inventive and interesting descriptions in here, I'd just make sure to kind of picture every sentence and every image as it's described in the poem to make sure that it links up how you intend it. I'll point out a few spots that were a little hard to follow for me.
this mixed metaphor is very hard to get my head around. The kitchen is curtained by the moon's light, that curtain of light is "laced by memories" and the memories once reclined in the kitchen, and then there's also a lullaby on the mountains? The image of memory reclining in a kitchen and then in a personified way lacing together a curtain of moon light -- is just a bit much to picture - I think you'd be better off focusing in on one or two metaphors there, or rephrasing some of that to be just descriptive rather than figurative language.
- here I was a little lost on what "the Pecos" were and how Judgement Day related to the rest of the piece.
^ "Sliding on butterscotch" for me didn't quite fit the mood of the rest of your descriptions which were much more majestic.
^ this mixed metaphor doesn't quite work I don't think. "The wind is his mane has sayings that are disturbed" is a bit hard to make sense of how those two phrases relate to each other.
I like that you brought back the moonlight at the end - I think enterprise a bit of a heavy word for this - maybe sounding a bit too intimidating.
Grammar/Spelling
Not too many little grammar issues - just caught these two:
^ I think here "said" should be lowercase, and a comma after "ride" perhaps.
The first "are" should probably be "our".
Overall, I think the poem comes across positively and definitely portrays love for this specific type of horses. Thanks for sharing!
alliyah