Young Writers Society

this deserved a like

this deserved more likes to be honest

Hi there Frinderman! Niteowl here to leave a quick review.

I think it's interesting what you're trying to do here. This piece uses a normally humorous form to tell a darker story that's sort of evocative of witch burning. I'm not clear on what exactly it's supposed to be about, but from your comments to previous reviewers that seems to be intentional, so I'll leave it alone for now.

My main critique is that this has the rhyme scheme of a limerick, but not the meter. The third and fourth line are spot on, but the first, second, and fifth lines are too long. This becomes obvious when you read it out loud. I would look at making them shorter and fitting the meter of a limerick.

Also, when I looked up "mire", it refers to something swampy or muddy, which doesn't really fit with the fire imagery you're trying to convey.

Overall, this is a cool concept. Keep writing!

Hey there Anon here,
I really enjoyed your little poem you got here just a few things I have to let you know. While I liked it I don't know if "the young Rose of Fire" is someone who we're supposed to know? Also, some wording throughout like "They had then" and "Only to have mourned" seem really awkward to me. I would've probably used different phrasing/tense but other than that as I said before, great poem and I really enjoyed it. Keep up the great work!

Hey Frinderman!
I love your short little poem. To be honest, due to its lengthy I have little to say as well. ITSY of all, is the Rose of Fire someone who the reader should know? Because I have no idea who she is. If not, I guess it's all fine then. What I get from this is that she was raised for a specific fate- why then would she be mourned? I really want to know the whys behind this while little story. (I know it's supposed to be that length, but see if you can squeeze in something!)

The only other point I have is about the third and fourth lines. I think you can make the rhyme a little tighter if you work at it! Think of different ways to phrase these things, rearrange them, or look up synonyms.

Overall, I quite like it! Your use of scalding, pyre, and scorched help to convey the image of fire, which is good. I love fire words.

-Falco