Hammer those rusted nails of yours
Into the fragile walls of your funeral casket.
As your arms struggle to lift its burden,
Already sore from six feet of heartache.
~
Lightning fractures spread at snail’s pace
With each blind swing towards a fabricated future.
You adjust to a metronome without any falter
As your patience off syncs with each constant tick.
~
I dig in my feet to keep the lid from closing
As you cry out in disbelief that no one will save you.
Your heart sneaks tears your mind would not allow,
To delude the blood stains dried on your cheeks.
~
A mind too stubborn to know when to stop
Holds a broken heart captive from giving a response.
I begin losing grip as I call out for your hand,
Your heart screams to leave as you raise your hammer again.
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139,345 Literary Works • 672,539 Reviews
Well, that was some bloody dark stuff to read at 11:00 pm. I loved it. It could be seen as a metaphor (though I am lost for what. Maybe the loss of one's self-identity and personality in our changing world ?) or interpreted literally, but I am sure that wasn't your original purpose. Loved it, loved it, loved it. Gave out a certain Edgar Allan Poe-esque feel, (yeah, like the previous reviewer said) very dark and ominous and brooding. Really gothic stuff, y'know. Made me think of an Evanescence song for some reason, maybe the words or maybe the way it is written.
Loved how the narrator talks about something so horrific and monstrous (burying a person alive) in a run-of-the-mill, everyday occurrence fashion. I also thought it was fantastic how you conveyed the emotions of both the characters involved in this process - the person who buries and the one who is buried.
The images one gets while reading this must be really awesome too, since everything is written in so much detail and with such...passion, if that would be the right word to use here.
Really beautiful. Looking forward to reading more of your work and I personally hope that you continue writing stuff like this, since this was really a joy to read.
Hello! LadyShadows here for a review!
Keep writing. I did like this
This was a seemingly dark and sinister poem. I like it. To me it had an Edgar Allen Poe feel to it. This seems like the truth to life as well. Life can be dark and seemingly unmerciful. However... The poem seemed a bit wordy. It could be me, but yet again this would be a warning. Less is sometimes more. You can get the point across without speaking what feels like a thousand words. I'm saying ahead of time because while writers are dreamers and artists, editors are realists and lead plain, stuffy lives (for what it seems) So putting that into words, editors will not like wordiness. Plain as that. However your metaphors were terrific. Also, depending on the person, they may tell you to clarify yourself. As dark and as likable as it was, it did seem like it needed clarification. This is all I can think of right now.