Young Writers Society

Hey there Frinderman,
Myjaspercat here to leave you a review....

First of all I want to warn you that I haven't written a review for at least 4 months, so I may be a little rusty and all. That being said I'm really looking forward to reviewing this piece for you....

Cracks that replicate and seep as rapidly as they crystallize: Ok so I have a few issues with this first sentence, mainly revolving around word choice. So, the word replicate at first felt rather weird to me but after reading the full sentence it seemed to work but the word seep just doesn't do it. It feels rather odd to me, kind of misplaced. I love the image you're trying to evoke (to me it's a rather chilly sentence) but I do think that you could come up with a better word then seep or work it into the sentence a little differently.
attempts Hmmm... at melting the permafrost by the children of ignorance. I do love this image here
No pulse shall be found in a being absent of warm blood;
blood that succumbed to the deep freeze of reality. Ok again to work word choice, I'm not sure if you should use freeze, to me it seems kind of odd since you previously used the word permafrost. But then again it's more of a personal choice.
~
Chisel away in your adamant pursuit and I will stand patient,
awaiting your discovery of a core fabricated only by the prestige of ice.
Once there may have been something within this barren world, The wording of this sentence seems a little off to me
a vast warm sea of life sheltered with the grace of love and compassion. Compared to the previous sentence, this seems a little disjointed. I would suggest adding the word 'like' at the beginning or something along those lines.
Nevertheless, as breathe lingers and verglas settles, the absence of heat is certain,
walking across this frozen ocean, paying tribute to once warm memories.
Frigid and almost foreign, they now lie motionless beneath the protective ice.
~
A castle of glass,This is a pretty commonly used image--just warning you to reign over these recollections consumed by glacial freeze.
This kingdom of frost, exempt from the use of sympathy, belongs to one and one alone.
A world of peace, absent of sensation or uncertainty
It is a sanctuary of structural majesty a mere peasant mind could never fathom;
instead becoming captivated by the color of emotions, refracting through its deceitful crystals.
Invisible light to which conceive transparent colors as vibrant as they are convincing. again this may just be me, but this entire stanza seemed kind of all over the place. I loved it though, there was just something there.
~
What bittersweet irony these numb emotions and frozen regrets are,
all on display in my beautiful kingdom of preservation.
~
Ice comprehends the likeness of humanity;
Ice is a welcoming love, as protective as it is destructive.
It will move relentlessly as it consumes all within its fatal beauty,
that nothing shall escape its alluring frostbite. I feel as if you could do without this sentence
~
This place has no life,
it has no soul,
it has no spirit,
and it is absent of love.
~
I am the Prince of Ice,
and this world is mine alone to rule;
I shall wait observantly from my frozen throne,
curious for your triumph of melting this castle;
My Crystalline Heart.

This is Kaos here for a review!

So fantasy related poetry is something that almost always interests me because I'm not one who's really ever written it, and it all seems to fit or have a certain style or tone that comes along with it. The imagery is more sort of surreal with every poem, or at least, less realistic, and here's where I want you to take more advantage of this. This is a fantasy world that you're writing about, so /use/ that to your advantage. Give us sights that we /don't/ see everyday but at the same time bring us back from that with emotional weight.

With every fantasy poem I get taken away from emotion due to it focusing on other thing and that the fact that it's harder to write emotion from that standpoint, and I think that shows here. Give us a reason to care for the images and the Prince in this story, because if you don't give us one, we don't have one. Don't let the imagery fly for no reason, ask why it's there and ask, how is it contributing to the poem? Because if you know the reason, then the reader will find better reasons in their mind for that. The word choice in this poem goes quite deep and it helps set-up the tone, yes, but know when too much is too much, because in places, that's what I felt like you had.

Just because you have a lot of fancier or stronger synonyms doesn't make the poem automatically stronger, you have to pick and choose and ask yourself: Is this really helping the poem out by changing this word? Is it stronger or does it get my point across better than any other word? Sometimes, it is, but other times, simple is just better to stick to. The images in this poem are actually the strength, I found, and the narrative was the weakness to it. The narrative kind of came back and held it down, especially in the last stanza where the speaker simply introduces themselves, which is something blatant that we didn't really need and it didn't really make for a powerful ending.

Don't give it all away to the reader, instead, leave room for us to interpret what we think since that's a better outcome than you just telling us the theme of the story and what it means. Let us figure it out on our own, and if we don't get it, that's okay. The earlier stanzas do better at this but the later stanzas want to be more blunt rather than subtle about it. Give us more of the narrative of why we should care about this Prince. Again, loved the imagery you had with the ice, but expand and experiment with things.

I hope I helped and have a great day!