Young Writers Society

Oh, Finderman, hi.

I enjoyed the poems I read from you before so I thought I might stop by to see another, and this is what greeted me. A personal, sad exploration of a really tough moment. I think poetry is a natural instinct for these kinds of situations, because it can hold emotion and narrative in a small, intertwined space. It's almost easier to write than a journal entry and can contain much more emotional firepower.

I love the simple way this poem begins, because it feels so much like a fairy tale that I don't expect it to actually turn into a true story. Laying in a field of flowers seems ideal, but I don't expect it to be real, so when the poem continues and gets more and more grounded in actual events, I have an emotional shift, and that's a great response to have to a poem, at least for me. That's what I want -- I want to feel something.

That said, I think that the back half of this poem could use as much attention as the first half got. Toward the end it feels more like prose sentences just cut up into lines rather than ideas crafted into poetry. And because the event is so emotional, it won't take a lot of dressing up, but just some attention and poetic sensibility.

There was one moment were I was confused, and that was at this phrase:

as four years blossomed with white lilies

while we waited for February.

Hey Finderman, it's Queenie here for a review. First of all, this was amazing. I loved all of the emotion and the storyline was also well done. I loved the structure of the poem, it really worked well the whole feeling of it. Now for the critiques, I know this was probably a mistake, so I'm just going to point it out for you. In the line "you can't be scared of everything forever silly' there should be two quotation marks instead of one after silly. Also, in this part," There,
You finally threw her out of my life
Like you always wanted to
From the start.
You always saw her as waste,
So you gladly took out the trash.
Too bad you had to do it
In a dust pan." who is you referring to? I don't think that that was very clear, so I suggest that you clarify that part. Other than those two things, I think that this was a very well written and effective piece of poetry. I look forward to reading more of your works. Keep writing!

Hi,
This is a great piece. I really like it and don't have much to say. I like the way you did the lines, some out, some regular (forgot that word, right margin?). You really put your heart into it, that made it good. Keep doing that and you will have a lot of great poems and stories.
Keep it up,
--Kimmy

Hey there! Shey here for a review!

This is honestly one of the best pieces I've ever read. I can say so with certainty. The formatting was perfect, the narrator seemed realistic. But that isn't even why I like this so much.

I like it cause of the message and how it's delivered. You have a really deep and powerful message, and it didn't seemed forced when you delivered it. It also didn't seem like you were trying to make the reader feel sad, but rather the sadness came naturally. That's amazing.

I didn't comment on much, because in my eyes this is perfect. Please keep up the great work in the future!

-Shey

I love the emotional in this piece. I can feel what you feel when I read it. And it makes me feel as though I'm not the only one who uses writing as a way to understand your feelings better. They're complicated and hard to decipher sometimes. Thanks for sharing.

I'm sorry for asking... but is this a true story?