Oh great wispy spires on high
Tell me to unlearn love.
I had a love of learning,
You took that love away.
{
Speak of revolutions?
The only revolutions are a sine
And I sign my life away.
{
You Can’t control my questions,
So you make them fit your answers
And my question goes unanswered.
{
Have you no recollection
Of past dissatisfaction,
Or has your education
Dusted memories away?
{
Tell me knowledge frees me?
With every passing unit
I am further chained.
{
Indebted to my teachers,
Who have taught me
All I haven’t learned.
{
Fill my head with thoughts,
So I have no time to think.
Postponement of employment,
And we end up unemployed.
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140,735 Literary Works • 673,684 Reviews
Hello!
I like how you explore your theme and message in this poem.
What I gather from lines like "I am further chained" is that it criticises how universities are dogmatic and do not encourage critical thinking despite advertising themselves as such ("Tell me knowledge frees me?"). The contrast between the advertisement and reality is well-discussed here, and I like how you bring in the financial aspect. I interpreted "indebted to my teachers" as having a double meaning, commenting on the high cost of education, as well as the expectation of society for you to be grateful to teachers that essentially teach you nothing of worth. I like how you've given multiple perspectives to the concept instead of focusing on just one idea.
Another thing I enjoyed was the wordplay. Describing yourself as having to "unlearn" a "love of learning" is interesting and the touch of irony there really made me think.
You also have instances of strong imagery that makes your poem memorable. I liked "revolutions are a sine", which could technically count as wordplay on 'revolution', but simultaneously conjures the image of something that goes back and forth, but ultimately returns to its original position. I also like how you sparsely mix original imagery with well-known expressions like "sign my life away", as it lends a sense of familiarity without making the words sound trite.
One question I have is why you're using curly brackets to divide the stanzas. I found it distracted me a little bit while reading, but perhaps there's a symbolic reason for it? If there is, by all means, keep it in.
On the negative side, I noticed there were a few instances of weaker expressions that break the engagement. The line in the 3rd stanza "And my question goes unanswered" feels a bit redundant, which is jarring as the poem as a whole is so strongly worded and pithy. The first two lines of the last stanza also bothered me a bit. "Fill my head with thoughts" relates to space, but the next line suddenly references time, which to me at least doesn't seem to fit. Maybe you could try writing something like:
"Fill my head with thoughts,
So I have no space to think."
Overall, this was a fascinating read and I think you did a great job. I hope this review helps!
Thank you for your review. Im pleased you picked up on some of the things I was trying at, particulary the use of double meanings.
I hadn%u2019t thought about imagery in terms of space and time, but that makes sense. Yea the brackets were me being lazy with yws formatting, I%u2019ve been off the site for a year and forgot how to sepperate stanzars with code
Thanks again for your review, happy review day!
Hi there @FeatherPen I am here to do a review on your poem first things first.
what I like
You Can’t control my questions, now I like this for I think this all the time.
What I am not shore about
Oh great wispy spires on high, I am not really shore what you mean by this.
Speak of revolutions? I think you need to eksplan this a bit better.
The only revolutions are a sine, what is this saposto mean, I don't no what you mean by revolutions eney way.
And I sign my life away. why would you sine you life away it is a bit cofosing if you ask me.
And my question goes unanswered. needs a bit of work.
Or has your education, what is an education I don't really no what that means,
Postponement of employment, I do not really get what you saying here.
Suggestions
1for: And my question goes unanswered. you still have not answered my question at all. so that is all that I can say so keep up on the good work. HAPPY REVIEW DAY, REVIEW FORM TEAM STINGRAYS.
@EagleFly out to seek and kill