There’re two rabbits in the garden, We’ve named them Patch and Petals. They have eaten all the veggies But only nibbled on the nettles.
We chased them round the yard, With a rabbit trap and net. Now we’ve trampled on the seedlings And we haven’t caught them yet.
Eventually we cornered one Between the roses and some hay. We put it in a cardboard box And it shivered there all day.
Then we caught the other one And they made a happy pair. We borrowed a make-shift cage Which became their sawdust lair.
We let them out to hop around But they nibbled at a cable And when we tried to catch them, They hid beneath the table. They are very cute to cuddle, When Patch sits on your shoulder And Petals nibbles from your hand, But when they were a little older…
We found they were a girl and boy And so must live in separate cages. We assembled all the plywood But building it took ages!
They are grown up bunnies now And the rabbits now reside At the bottom of the garden, In apartments, side by side.
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140,722 Literary Works • 673,680 Reviews
Really very well done!!
Sorry if my review has a few odd terms and rambles... 
Thanks waddlers It was great! So don't worry. sorry I still haven't got around to yours Life has just got really busy (positively so) I'll explain the news when I have a moment and once I've reviewed back.
Heya FeatherPen! I CANNOT BELIEVE that I'm FINALLY reviewing something of yours!!!
) It also uses plosive alliteration, which could be used for a couple of purposes; the sound of nibbling rabbits or the impression of the narrator being tired. Or they could just be rabbit names 
However, its proper rhyme this time, not consonance.
Poor rabbit; lonely, cold and literally living in a cardboard box 8C
Proper rhyme again; good job! 
Okeedokee; when I read this the first time around, there are two things that i immediately recognise: Rhyme and that it's a narrative poem (tells a story). Both of these things, for me, are extremely important for a poem.
The rhyme flows well when I read it and creates the bouncy atmosphere that matches the silly shenanigans that are happening. Another things that got me right off the bat was punctuation; it's nicely punctuated and orderly - I personally don't really like the poems that use no punctuation ( then the teacher is like "they did this so that..." and really sometimes it just makes everything so much more confusing xc)
Now to analyse it line by line:
We start off with simple, explicit line. Used just to set out/ state what the poem will focus on - which would be foreshadowing in a story, but I'm not sure if that's valid to say here.
The next line reveals that this poem is first person, and sets it up for the type of poem it is; an event or something that happened to you (I'm guessing in real life if I know you as well as I think I do
Again, we have another explicit line, fitting in with the story-like style of the poem.
The rhyme is established when we reach this line, and because written-ly it doesn't actually rhyme its actually consonance. For some reason, I always think poems with consonance should be performance poems!
Ya know, I'm gonna stop saying they are explicit sentences; a lot of the lines are statements which support narrative poems. If I keep writiting that, I will surely explode! XD
The first line of the second stanza is very special; its the only line with six syllables! At least when I say it. Don't worry, though, I don't think it's effected any rhythm. Other than that and the rhyming, there's not much to say on that stanza language-devices wise! But I ADORE the humorous sense of despair! Can relate
Again, we have the proper rhyme, making me decide maybe it's better as a written piece. Tbh, I think it would be fab as both!
This next stanza brightens the mood of the poem (It was never dark, but a bit nasty for the lonely rabbit XD Poor thing!) maybe the happier days for the rabbits! Sweet memories
The fifth stanza has a small plosive alliteration on the "t", which again could make the reader make the noise of chewing the cable, which can sometimes create imagery when read. Again, the rhyme is proper!
The tense is a bit muddled on this sixth stanza, but im not sure how much that matters on poetry. Plain alliteration on the "c" which makes a sweet, coaxing sound for me when used in those lines. The last line of this stanza is the only one that doesn't QUITE fit in... I thought about changes, but the tense it's written in makes it hard for me to give you a better alternative. USE OF ELISPSES!!! Another device! Also, back to consonance!
The PENULTIMATE (A lot better than "seventh") stanza is a bit more down, and really portrays a story structure. Going about a normal life, bit of a struggle but is going fairly well, then OH DEAR! But we'll fix it and...
FINAL PARAGRAPH: This whole stanza feels packed full of imagery! Thank to the use of a metaphor on the bottom line, I think. I REALLY like it. The story structure is ended well with
you revealing how it is now everything is sorted out; a happy ending!
Hey dear! Firstly I love the names of your rabbits. So cute . And a lovely short story. Though its raw and unrhymed but I like it. The way you have written it givimg message that we should keep them separate as a girll and a boy shows our living statud in a society whether it's for rabbit and becaude they are not human. Ovetall nice story . Keep writing.blessings!
Hey FeatherPen,
I really think you have good work on rhyming and your structure to this poem abcb is really nicely done. I think your rhyming is very good for this poem.
The one thing that kept catching me up with these stanzas was that the un-rhymed lines being first because I'd expect something familiar after reading the rhyme, but it wasn't there. I am not sure what you could do to fix it, maybe make your scheme abcb cded? If you looped it together a little like that it might work to connect the rhymes better, but it also might just end up getting really complicated really fast so it's up to you if you want to take that on.
The places where I felt halted the most were all near the end like with "cages" and "ages" and "cable" and "table" but I think that's because I really wasn't sure how that was going to do as a rhyme. You did a really good job with the story of this poem and the body of what is going on.
You have a couple pet peeves of mine going on in this poem, well, one, really. I don't like the use of ellipsis in poetry because if you look through a lot of published poetry, you don't see it. The reason you don't see it is because they usually use - or , to get the affect that the ellipsis seems to have for the younger generation. It works out better too because an ellipsis has two potential meanings, a pause, which is new, or an erasing of language that should be there, and suggesting that something was removed in a poem is sort of like saying that red clashes with green and pointing out everywhere it does that. It just is what it is.
The only other thing I'd suggest you take a look at is how you have each line capitalized. It works for this poem because of the type of poem it is, but in a future poem, having line capitalization might not be the best idea. Here's a quick run down of capitalization in poetry Capitalization in Poetry that might help or you might already know it. I don't know.
Anyway, in summary, I think you did a really good job with this poem. You might want to take a look at the syllables per line or meter in the poem to make sure it's similar throughout so it's easier to get from stanza to stanza and stay within the stanzas, but that's about all I have to offer. Good job!
Aley