The Sword

by FeatherPen

Published January 30, 2016

In Poems

In the woods it waited,

Amongst the trees it stood.

Embedded in rock it lay,

Unseen because of brambles.

Remembered only in legend,

And foretold by prophecy.

The sword in stone,

Waiting for its rightful king.

Comments & reviews · 7
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ChieTheWriter
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ChieTheWriter commented Comment · Aug 26, 2018

King Arthur yes...

childofApollo777 commented Comment · Feb 21, 2016

I really like this poem because I have read many of the legends of king Arthur. I also found that you spelled the word "prophecy" incorrectly. It was very interesting and delightful to read.I think you have potential to create great things.

Thank you, I have fixed up that error

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Snazzy
Review
Snazzy wrote a review Review · Jan 31, 2016

Hello!
I actually really like the idea of your poem! I agree this could've been a little longer. You have so much going for it in these lines -

Embedded in rock it lay,
Unseen because of brambles.


And I keep thinking you're going to add a bunch of other details about it - but then it ends. ;-; Yes, I know all poems have to end SOMETIME, but it just seemed so abrupt. Kind of anti-climatic.

As for punctuation, it's really your choice as an author. Personally, I do both, and I find nothing wrong with using it. Just make sure you're consistent with whatever you do. ;) (Example: since you chose on including punctuation, there should be a period on the last line)

Anyway, if I were rating it, I'd give it a 6 or 7/10! (I rarely give out 9 and never give out 10's). As I have said, the idea is amazing, as you can include sooo much detail and imagery about the sword. I just think you can expand a little - add some more images and detail in it. ;) Keep writing!

~Snazz Pizzazz
Happy Review Day!

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KittyMew
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KittyMew commented Comment · Jan 31, 2016

Hello~ :)

Somehow, the idea of this poem is really good. It's very sound adventurous. I could feel the fantasy around the poem. Probably because I am so into fantasy. It's very good.

So great job :)

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ScarlettFire
Review
ScarlettFire wrote a review Review · Jan 31, 2016

Hi there! My name's Scarlett and I'm here to review your poem today. ^^

I really like the idea you had in mind for this. The concept is pretty good, I just feel it hasn't been written very well. There's so much more you could have done with this. The Sword in the Stone and King Arthur stuff is always cool. I feel you definitely could have expanded on this. It has potential, but as it stands right now, it's really lacking something. Poetry should have some heart and soul, some emotion. I'm not getting any of these things while reading it.

And then there's the lack of proper punctuation. Poetry doesn't need punctuation, but it does help your readers when they read it. As it stands, I'm unsure where to add pauses because of the way you've written this.

For example, the first two lines translates into this for me;

"In the woods, it waited,
Standing amongst the trees."

Because the second line is so awkward. This makes more sense to me and flows way better in my head.

I suggest you rewrite it and expand on this. It's a good start, and I would love to see some heart and soul and emotion poured into this. Make me feel something when I read it. Poetry doesn't have to rhyme or have punctuation. Punctuation helps, though. May I suggest that you read your poem out loud to see if it makes sense and flows smoothly? If it doesn't, you should reword it a bit. I hope this helps. And, of course, you're free to ignore my suggestions at your own risk. XD

Remember; keep it up and never stop writing!

~ Scarlett.

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Charm
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Charm commented Comment · Jan 30, 2016

A very short yet powerful poem, great job! It reminded me of the TV show, Merlin. I happen to love anything to do with King Arthur and such. It blows my mind how you can write such an amazing poem using only eight line, something I can never do.

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BookWolf
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BookWolf commented Comment · Jan 30, 2016

Oh wow. That was brilliant. I got chills, man. :D Nice work.



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