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Ace Cake

by FeatherPen


Let them eat cake

We're going to eat cake

Going to eat cake till the day is over

.

I'd rather have cake

I'd rather have cake

Than anything else

you can offer

.

I never wanted biscuits and

I've never wanted tea

Don't you give me coffie

There is nothing wrong with me

.

I'm happy if it's chocolate and

I'm happy if it's plain

You'll know if tastes good

Because nothing will remain

.

I rather like it purple and

I cinda like it aced

Give me any size of slice

As long as it tastes nice

.

I'd rather have cake

I'd rather have cake

Than anything else

you can offer


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95 Reviews


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Sun Nov 20, 2016 9:21 pm
BeTheChange wrote a review...



There were some typos. That's the first complaint I have. Also the only complaint, lol. Because this was good! I can see it as part of a children's book. I almost never read light or humorous poetry, so this was a nice break, too! One other thing: I sort of understand why this is categorized as satire, but romance? I feel like there are better categories to put it in...




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413 Reviews


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Fri Sep 23, 2016 12:26 am
Cailey wrote a review...



Hey! Cailey here for a review.
I should definitely be doing homework right now, but procrastination by editing is probably okay?

Anyway, looks like GreatKing was able to catch the typos for you, which is great. Definitely wanna read through stuff a view times to make sure you catch things like that, since it definitely takes the reader out a bit.

That being said, there's lots of great stuff about this piece. First of all, I just love the playful tone that you were able to get here. I'm not sure if you wrote this as a poem or a song, but I definitely ended up singing this in my head as I read. Which is great, even if it isn't written as a song. It is so hard to create such an awesome rhythm in a poem, and you absolutely caught the rhythm here. It flowed so well. There were a couple of places where I lost the flow, but when I read through again I realized I had just read the line wrong. So yeah, awesome flow throughout. It is so easy and fun to read.

That being said, I think it would be awesome if you could work on adding some darker undertones under the fun exterior. I'm assuming you purposely started out with the infamous rumor of Marie Antoinette's quote about let the people eat cake. (I love Marie Antoinette for reasons I really can't explain and don't believe she said that.) But if she did, or even just with the quote in general, it's a pretty awful and ignorant thing to say. So to me this seems like a playful poem but also a deeper sort of uprising song rebelling against the ignorant wealthy. In which case if you just added some foreboding words and words with a more negative connotation you could probably really add a whole new level to this.

But I am in danger of rambling now. Obviously you can leave my review untouched and you don't need to change a thing, but maybe something to play with or something to look at in the future. Anyway, keep writing, smile at the sun, have a wonderful day or night or time.




FeatherPen says...


Thankyou Cailey for your review.
I'm really pleased you thought it sounded like a song. I originally wrote it as one but changed it to a poem format for yws. Great suggestion about adding undertones. It is actually a covertly asexual (ace) poem and cake has become as inside joke within the community. It's great that any one can read something and pick up a differant meaning and I'm pleased the intended one wasen't blatantly obvious as that was what I wanted. Thanks for your awsome, not rambly review and I hope you homework was/is not tedious.



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Thu Sep 22, 2016 8:10 pm
Elijah wrote a review...



King here


This is so sweet! Such a sweet cake story. The rhymes are also very catchy and I caught myself singing this. Cake, cake and cakeeee.


Were going to eat cake


I think you mean we are.


I cinda like it aced


'cinda' needs to be 'kinda'


Give me any size if slice


'if'needs to be 'of'



Anyways, I do not know what else to say. It is a very adorable story which I can not find to stop actually singing, very good job and keep on writing positive childish stuff like this. I instantly thought that a small kid is singing it.




FeatherPen says...


Thankyou for your review, no matter how many times I read over I never manage to catch all the mistakes. Pleased that you could sing it as I originally wrote it as a song.




Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
— George Eliot