This was so interesting. If you do other pieces like this, I would strongly suggest putting them in the poetry category rather than "other" because for some reason people don't often review things put in "other" (probably because they are just scared).
Grammar/Wording
I came across quite a few grammar mistakes, so would strongly suggest running it through a spell checker or taking the time to read twice before posting.
There were quite a few spelling mistakes, that I'm sure you could easily pick out so I won't bother to pick them all out for you. Some were
Stanza 1
"Bagsing"?
Stanza 2
"blackand" should be 2 words
Stanza 4
"balled" should be "bald"
Stanza 5
"thoughused" should be 2 words
Stanza 7
Some of your words ran together again.
Stanza 9
"culch" --> should be "clutch"
Your word choice was humorous and fit with the theme. The descriptions of this fellow passenger made him seem mysterious, mythical, but also completely human. The blend of ordinary and extraordinary descriptions (like the goblin tribe and the jacket) really pulled this poem together and made it a very enjoyable and clear read.
Formatting
I liked that your formatting was pretty consistent ie. capitalizing every first letter, and keeping quick short lines. You could move stuff around/add lines to make every stanza have a similar (or the same) amount of lines, but it is not really necessary. It just makes things look neater.
The first stanza's line breaks are a bit odd. Why is "the city" in a line all by itself?
This line is a bit long and could be broken in two "Snoring, he’s hunched over his protruding beer belly".
Content
I really enjoyed the idea behind this poem, quite original and humorous. Although I think that the intended meaning behind the poem was somewhat of a comment on our culture and what qualifies as ordinary, also as to how other humans behave and the concept of "people watching". The vision seemed pretty clear - you stuck with theme and went all in, never straying from that main idea, which is good.
Overall I enjoyed reading the poem, and look forward to reading more of your work. Great job and good luck editing and writing!
~alliyah
Points: 133174
Reviews: 1154
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