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Same as aedomir alli could see was 'i' post ot agian and i might actually read it.

Same as aedomir alli could see was 'i' post ot agian and i might actually read it.

Intriguing story! The way that you managed to type the letter 'i' so incredibly!

Please put it up again, so I may read and review it. I don't know why you changed it...

I think I will look in your portfolio.

Ummm....
I was going to critique this, seeing as I owe you two reviews, but all it says is 'i'...

Oh well. I'll find something else in your portfolio.

Cheers,
Camille

Fantasyartist wrote:The three of them stood in the center of the cave, ready for action, but nothing came at them. Seth felt his heart race. More would come soon, [s]and he[/s] knew it.
“She’s in trouble, we have to help her!” said the blond girl to his right. She was bleeding heavily from a head wound, but [s]she[/s] still held her sword defiantly.
“No, she told us not to do that, whatever the situation. We are to eliminate any reinforcements,” replied the brown haired boy to Seth’s left. He was wounded the worst. There was an unpleasant gash on his left arm, he winced each time he breathed, and he seemed to be barely conscious.

That section was very telly. You sort of threw out the wounds, when the description of them wud have been enough. Rather than saying he was wounded with worst, just stick with the massive blood loss, his reaction to the pain he feels. That gived the reader the image and idea you are conveying in a more gripping way.

“But she’s been gone for ages. It can’t be good!” Seth shouted. [s]He too was wounded.[/s] The blood streaming down his face left a bitter taste in his mouth and his right leg was agony whenever he put pressure on it[s].[/s], [s]B[/s]but they had to carry on.
“Fine, but we’ll do this with thought,” said the brown haired boy. He looked at the girl and said,
“Do you have a plan?”
“Yes,” the girl replied, "We'll duplicate ourselves and pretend to rush in without thought. While he's held up by our duplicates we'll be sneaking aroung him in a pincer movement with other duplicates. But we'll let these ones get caught so he won't suspect we're on his other side."
“Ok, then,” said Seth, “Lets go.” But before they had taken three paces, six men appeared from the tunnel behind them. Seth swore.
“We have to deal with them first,” said the brown haired boy. By that time the new arrivals had noticed them. They all looked alike[s].[/s], [s]They all looked[/s] like they could kill without mercy or remorse and their rough clothes and weapons intensified this look. That green part really didn't flow very well. The words dont support each other for some reason and it makes it awkward.
“Kill them!” shouted one of them and all six charged.

The girl drew glowing runes in the air in front of her with her forefinger and said,
“Cyclone.” The air around them began to move and [s]it got[/s][color=redget[/color] stronger. A horizontal cyclone of air [s]then[/s] shot out form the girl’s palm. Two of the oncoming men were caught in it and shouted out as they were tossed away by the raging wind into a wall. Their forms sagged and did not get up. The running men stopped, awed by the cyclone. All but one.There was a sudden glint of steel and a knife struck the girl in the shoulder. She cried out in pain and the cyclone died as she lowered her arm, then fell onto her knees.
“Guys, I think it’s poisoned,” she managed to say through her obvious pain. A few seconds later she collapsed, giving Seth more reason to swear.
“Kasper, you’re the worst wounded, look after Neve,” Seth said to the boy. He nodded, picked up the girl, and moved further away so he could administer her wounds in peace.
So it’s just them and me now, thought Seth. Just like Neve he drew glowing runes in the air but he said no word. The runes melted and formed into two ghostly swords. Then five more men arrived.
“You’re being held up by these teenagers?” one of them said snidely. Seth eyes widened, because he knew that man. That man with long black hair and cruel, dark eyes was death.

The two ghostly swords glowed and sliced through the first two men that came near Seth, even though their swords were held to parry. Though there were no visible wounds, Seth knew the two men were dead. He felt his energy drain away along with the lives of those two men. The swords disappeared, as he could no longer maintain them. His heart was burning now and his breath was laboured as the exhaustion set in. Seth checked to see if Neve and Kasper were alright then drew two throwing knives in one hand and launched them at the two remaining men of the original group were a few metres ahead of him now. The new arrivals just stood cooly and watched. One of the knives missed by inches but the other found its mark. There was a dull thud and the man collapsed with the knife in his chest. Seth parried a slash and riposted. He was rewarded by the sight of the man’s face disappearing in a spray of blood. It sprayed Seth and he was left wondering how much he hated the stuff.
“Well, you have grown stronger,” said the man who was death, “But you are not strong enough still.” He made an inclination with his hand and his four bodyguards began advancing. Seth knew that they would not underestimate him, and his energy was now almost depleted.

Seth caught a new smell. What was it? It was like something burning, but there was something ominous about it. What ever it was, it reeked of fel magic. Seth also felt a new found bloodlust rise in him. What was happening? Then the horror hit him like a blacksmith’s hammer when he saw the black tendrils rising from underneath his feet. Seth rolled back his shirtsleeve and saw markings stretching across his skin. It tingled as the dark blue marks spread over it and spread to the back of his hands.
No, he thought. It was happening, just like he had been told it would. The black tendrils became thicker the darkness intensified until it was infinitely black. Seth felt his strength returning to him, but he also felt himself losing consciousness. Everything seemed more and more distant until there was only darkness. It had awoken.

This story has potential.

I agree with Mad. You need to tell whats going on with all the people.

I think you should describe the characters a bit more at the beginning. You say brown hair, blonde hair, ect. We don't really know what the characters look like.

You should describe their surroundings more also.

Other than that it was pretty good. It has a good storyline.

It's an intriguing story, but some of the writing just needs to be touched up a bit. At times sentences are too short or some elaboration is needed on certain aspects of the story.

“Yes,” the girl replied. She told them her plan.

“Cyclone.” The air around them began to move and it got stronger. A horizontal cyclone of air then shot out form the girl’s palm. Two of the oncoming men were caught in it and shouted out as they were tossed away by the raging wind into a wall. Their forms sagged and did not get up. There was a sudden glint of steel and a knife struck the girl in the shoulder. She cried out in pain and the cyclone died as she lowered her arm. She fell onto her knees.
“Guys, I think it’s poisoned,” she managed to say through her obvious pain. A few seconds later she collapsed, giving Seth more reason to swear.

The two ghostly swords glowed and sliced through the first two men that came near Seth, even though their swords were held to parry. Though there were no visible wounds, Seth knew the two men were dead. He felt his energy drain away along with the lives of those two men. The swords disappeared, as he could no longer maintain them. His heart was burning now and his breath was laboured as the exhaustion set in. Seth drew two throwing knives in one hand and threw them at the two remaining men of the original group. One missed by inches but the other found its mark. There was a dull thud and the man collapsed with the knife in his chest. Seth parried a slash and riposted. He was rewarded by the sight of the man’s face disappearing in a spray of blood. It sprayed Seth and he was left wondering how much he hated the stuff.