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Young Writers Society



The Sorceror's Descendant - Chapter 2 - The first encounter

by Fan


Chapter 2 – The first encounter

Seth sat on his chair, absently gazing out of the window at the fresh green grass and solid concrete of the school grounds below while Eleanor moved onto the third page of her English notes. She had disappeared just after they had passed through the school gates and Seth hadn’t seen her until the start of classes. She had been sitting behind the two-person desk next to the window at the back of the class. When she had seen Seth she had held out a card with his name on it and pointed at the window seat.

Currently they were meant to be making notes on Macbeth for an essay, but Seth had other things on his mind. He looked at his pitiful half a page then at Eleanor’s three pages detailed notes. She looked up and their gazes held for a moment before Seth returned to gazing out of the window and Eleanor to writing notes.

“Why are you doing that?” whispered someone.

Seth looked right, but Eleanor was still busy working. He then searched the white, dull classroom but no one gave any indication of having said anything.

“It’s me.” This time it was definitely Eleanor, though she still looked like as if she was intently working. “So what are you doing?”

“What do you mean?” asked Seth. Unfortunately, he wasn’t as discreet as Eleanor and was rewarded by a bark from Mr Kane, the English teacher. Eleanor waited until the bald, thick-necked man had returned his attention to his book before answering.

“You’ve been staring out of the window for fifteen minutes.”

“So?”

“Are you thinking about that man with the sword?”

Seth was taken aback by her words. How could she have seen him?

“My grandmother is a clairvoyant. She thinks I inherited something off her so this proves it, right?” said Eleanor as if she had read his mind.

A movement outside caught Seth’s attention. He peered through the window and he thought he saw a man holding a sword in the distance.

A sudden crashing noise sounded next to him and Seth jerked his head right to see Eleanor lying on the floor on her back with her chair underneath her. She stood back up with a grimace of pain and massaged the back of her head, the attention of the entire class upon her. As she drew her hand away, a small amount of blood glistened in her hand.

“Unlucky Miss Harbour, on your first day as well,” said Mr Kane. “Mr Harrington, would you take Miss Harbour to the school nurse please. I suppose that teaches the rest of you not to lean on your chairs.”

Seth took a glance outside; the man was gone. It had probably been his imagination. He waited as Eleanor righted her chair and led her out of the classroom.

“Does it hurt?” he asked her as they made their around a bend. Seth randomly noticed that every display board they passed was blank in anticipation for the new year. All of them but one which was covered in all sorts of odd things. There were feathers of varying colours, pieces of paper that were blank or had strange symbols scribbled in, fake gems, and other oddments. What were they doing there?

“A little,” replied Eleanor behind him, snapping him out of his train of thought.

After a few minutes, they finally reached the nurse’s office. Eleanor paused as she turned the door handle.

“Thank you,” she said.

“No problem,” replied Seth. He watched her enter then turned around. And stopped dead. Only a few hundred meters directly in front of him were not one, but two of the mysterious sword wielders. Both wore the long leather coats with their hood up. They both had their backs to him but he somehow felt that they knew where he was.

Fear rose up instantly as they both began to slowly turn around. He tried to run but his body was frozen in place. Seth tried to be optimistic that he was still breathing but it did little to raise his spirits. The bigger swordsmen on the right slowly drew a jet-black blade. The slow scraping of the blade being drawn sounded ominously in his ears, like a deathly melody. There was a faint click as the sword was freed completely. The swordsmen straightened his arm and pointed the sword directly at Seth.

You can’t hide from us, we will get you,” sounded a deep voice, masculine in his mind. It was spoken in some alien language but somehow Seth understood it.

Seth blinked and felt a cold tingle on his neck. The black-coated figure that had drawn his sword had disappeared, but he knew that in the space he had blinked, the person had somehow gotten behind him. A glance downwards to see a jet-black blade held across his neck confirmed his theory.

Seth didn’t panic. In dire situations such as this, Seth always kept a clear head and thought carefully. It was a valuable asset that had gotten him out of many difficult situations.

Maybe stalling for time might work, he thought.

“What do you want with me?” he asked the man behind him.

“I don’t know, Kyvor told us to take whoever your friend Eleanor attached to first,” said the deep voice. “Which is very unlucky for you, normal.”

Who’s Kyvor, and what does Eleanor have to do with this? Seth thought. And did he call me Norman or normal?

There seemed to be more to Eleanor than met the eye. Now that he thought about it, she did always seem to do something that distracted him from the black coated people. With all these strange happenings, he couldn’t dismiss it as mere coincidence.

Suddenly, he weight of the sword lifted from Seth’s neck. A second later, he heard the door open behind him.

“Seth?” said Eleanor behind him. “Why are you still here?”

“I decided to wait, cut some time off English,” lied Seth.

“When’s break?” asked Eleanor. “The bleedings stopped and the cut’s been cleaned, but my head won’t stop throbbing.”

“In two minutes,” replied Seth. He was going to have to be wary around her as well. Some strange events were happening involving those swordsmen, Eleanor and who knows what else; and he was being caught up in the middle of it. He made sure that he was behind her as they made their way back.


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614 Reviews


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Thu Aug 02, 2007 4:17 pm
Swires says...



I imagine the story is a slow starter. When the adventure and main sequence begin, like many novels it will pick up. Its simply a matter of just going with it and returning to the start afterwards. Look at the story as a whole then edit the start accordingly.




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161 Reviews


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Thu Aug 02, 2007 3:53 pm
Fan says...



I don't mind the negative review. After all, there's no point asking for critques if you can't handle bad feedback. It's part of the learning curve.

I could probably attribute the dragging out slightly due to the fact that I'm making this 150+ page story, and plan on only posting the first few chapters here to get feedback to write the future cahpters better. Any tips on how to make the story drag less woudl be very welcome. After all, improvement, improvement, improvement!




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614 Reviews


Points: 1106
Reviews: 614

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Thu Aug 02, 2007 3:40 pm
Swires wrote a review...



This story on the whole seems painfully dragged out. I loved the pace you started in the prologue and was really looking forward to reading chapters one and two. However after finishing them both I feel bitterly dissapointd.

We have some average kid characters which I couldn't really care less about with only a miniscule amount of the plot being introduced into this rather normal, boring real world settings.

I would have liked to see this story develop at a faster pace with a lot of excitment going on. The reality is at the moment it is really draggy and saggy. Your characters seem to be onlookers at the moment to the real story. I hope they can actually be involved in the story in the next chapter and some real conflicted is created.

I always hate giving negative reviews. Your style is pretty good and you have the potential to write this story well. Please dont drag this preliminary "mystery" part of the story any more.





Of those who say nothing, few are silent.
— Thomas Neill