Ch. 2
“And you know what? Rais killed them!” Aine ended her story with triumph, fully aware of all the attention she was getting. Her audience, made up of two servants, the daughter of one of the maids, three squires, Zoltan and Randolf, was looking at her wide-eyed. “He saved me,” she added.
All eyes turned to Rais, who was standing three steps behind lady Ainathy, just as stony-faced as always. He did not comment on the fact that all it took to earn Aine’s respect was to kill a man.
“Can you teach me how to do that?” asked one of the boys with absolute admiration.
Aine narrowed her eyes. “Hold on! He’s my Shield, and if he ever teaches anyone to do anything, it is going to be me.”
“Will you?” asked a squire hopefully. Zoltan and Randolf, this morning stationed at Aine’s door, looked at him with anticipation.
“No.”
Aine blinked, her frown deepening. Swiftly, she clutched the Shield by the arm and took him off to one side.
“Yes you will,” she hissed at him, her eyes darkening, as always when she was angry.
“No,” he said, fighting off amusement.
“No,” she mimicked, making a face. “Randolf and Zoltan are much nicer than you are!”
“I am not her to be nice, lady Aine.”
“Lady Ainathy!”
And so the newly earned respect evaporated, though Rais did not know where. Aine stomped off, ignoring the fallen aces and quizzical looks of her former audience. He followed her.
“Are you going to stalk me everywhere I go, Shield?” The purposefulness of her steps slightly lessened as they passed the same hallway for the third time.
Rais did not answer, and Aine stuck her tongue out at him.
“I liked you so much better when you were dangling under my balcony,” she said, and, once she reached her bedroom, closed the door in the man’s face.
---
Part one 
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
I like it how Aine keeps on calling Rais a stalker. Very amusing. The story is very good. I'm enjoying reading it and am looking forwards to more.
~ Shadowsun
Thanks WD, again
Lol, Errin is turning out to b a pretty stiff guy, yes? Hmm, still contemplating if that is good
No, but I have plans for him...
Thanks again!
-Elein
I think that stony-faced should be stone-faced, but that's up to you.
Hmm, you use eyes twice here, and it sounds a bit repetitive. I suggest saying 'asked one of the boys in absolute admiration' and omitting the 'eyes' part in the first paragraph.
I think quizzed should be quizzical
Again, I'm going to pester you a little about description. I'd like to see more description of Aine's actions in regards to certain emotions and her body language.
My poor Rais!
Character Impressions
Aine: she is very childish, but at the same time, definitely has a mind of her own. She knows about the Yerrida, but is rather oblivious to the danger they put her in. She trusts her brother, but hates being guarded by the Shields, even though I think she truly does appreciate Rais.
Rais: He rocks. A very reserved character who knows what he's doing and does care about Aine even though he doesn't always act like it. I think that perhaps he might be somehow related to the Yerrida, but I can't be sure.
Errin: Aine's brother, apparently. He seems rather... dispassionate if you ask me. Doesn't really show a lot of emotions towards anything at this point and has many sleepless nights.
That's all for now. Very good so far, Elein! I'm enjoying this immensely! Keep writing and PM me if you need anything.