This is Weirdo, here for a review. Please know that nothing in this review is meant to offend you or your story. This is just my opinion, you and other readers and reviewers could disagree. That being said, let us get into this review. I will try not to repeat anything that has already been said by Bloodlord, or what I said in the reviews of previous chapters.
What I liked
You have improved comparatively, that is amazing. Good work.
Grammar/Typos/Word check/Spell check
(the bold is what has to be corrected)
Sunaina, you are good looking ... I respect your love for me, but I am not in love with you ! Perhaps if you made a move before Shanaya, I would have developed some feelings for you... And moreover you have completely freaked me out. I am sorry I would be cheating you soon. But I have no other option to get back my Shanaya. I am sorry, Sunaina ...I am sorry...
*you!
*moreover,
Sunaina was standing under a tree. It looked as if she was desperately waiting for me. Guru was hiding in my car according to the plan. Sunaina stood restless, and kept staring at me as I walked towards her. She licked her lips and I knew her intentions were not good. She gave me a hug. She clinged[b] to me, trying to press her bosom against my chest. As she was busy trying to attract me, I wrapped my arms around her waist. She [b]clinged even more tighter. I gestured Guru to come out of the car and start the job.
*clung
*clung
*
I swiftly took out the gun which was stuck firmly in the belt she was wearing over her skirt and pointed it on her.
*at
"Sunaina, stop the drama ! Just confess everything or I will shoot you ..."
*drama!
"Sunaina this is not the way to get someone's love. Do you have any idea about how I felt because of your dirty moves?"
*Sunaina,
What Else?
Everything important I said in previous reviews-
I think you should add more of what Seenu is thinking. Like at the time of pointing a gun at Sunaina. Did he actually intend to shoot her if she did not confess, or was he just bluffing to get her to confess? How did he feel when Shanaya said 'I love you'. You told us how he felt when he said 'I love you', but not what he felt when she said it. Or even what he felt when she showed up with the CD.
Also, if Shanaya saw everything that had happened when she saw the CD, how was she not terrified of a person who had pointed a gun at someone? I mean sure, Sunaina had done something bad, but a sweet guy would never threaten someone to kill them for such a small thing. And Shanaya saw Seenu as a sweet person.
I think there should be a part where Seenu explains to Shanaya that all of it was just a bluff to get her to confess.
Overall
Good to see you grow as a writer. I will probably review the following chapters of Lust, depends on the time I have left before going to bed.
Good luck writing
-Prachi
Points: 1334
Reviews: 67
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