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Young Writers Society



Lust : Chapter 7 : Falling again ...

by Eros


Chapter 7 : Falling again ...

Next day according to the plan I made, I sat with Sunaina in the college during lecture. 

Sunaina, you are good looking ... I respect your love for me, but I am not in love with you ! Perhaps if you made a move before Shanaya, I would have developed some feelings for you... And moreover you have completely freaked me out. I am sorry I would be cheating you soon. But I have no other option to get back my Shanaya. I am sorry, Sunaina ...I am sorry...

The thoughts were racing in my mind as I slid in a piece of paper towards her in the first lecture.

She winked at me and pouted and gestured a kiss. I gave a forceful smile. 

She read the note:

Leave the classroom just after the professor. Don't turn around and straight away reach the hillock behind the college. I will leave after a few minutes and will meet you there. All alone. 

She leaned closer towards me. I acted cool, though I felt discomfort from inside. 

She left just after the professor. I walked towards Guru and threatened him, "No tricks or I will---" I raised my hand in a position to slap him, but stopped, as I didn't want to slap him and just keep him under the fear.

Guru nodded. I left with Guru. 

"Seenu, be careful, she is dangerous", Hunny said and his eyebrows arched in worry.

"Don't worry, Hunny", I smiled.

"Please let us come with you...", Hunny kept requesting.

"No, Hunny, Sunaina is clever and witty. She will come to know about my plan. George, convince him please...", I said.

George convinced him and I left. 

At the hillock...

Sunaina was standing under a tree. It looked as if she was desperately waiting for me. Guru was hiding in my car according to the plan. Sunaina stood restless, and kept staring at me as I walked towards her. She licked her lips and I knew her intentions were not good. She gave me a hug. She clinged to me, trying to press her bosom against my chest. As she was busy trying to attract me, I wrapped my arms around her waist. She clinged even more tighter. I gestured Guru to come out of the car and start the job. 

I swiftly took out the gun which was stuck firmly in the belt she was wearing over her skirt and pointed it on her. 

"Sunaina, your game is over. Confess everything RIGHT NOW !", I screamed at her.

"S--Seenu !", She rolled her eyes and looked at me with disbelief. She started breathing heavily.

"Sunaina, stop the drama ! Just confess everything or I will shoot you ..."

She became terrified and reached for her gun and found it missing. She felt it would be better for her to confess the sin.

"Seenu, I love you."

"Move ahead, I know that already."

" I was...I was jealous of Shanaya ...so I threatened Guru with the gun and asked him to click the photographs." She bowed her head with guilt. Her eyes rolled rapidly looking at the soft brown sand.

"I am sorry, Seenu...", She started to weep. 

"Sunaina this is not the way to get someone's love. Do you have any idea about how I felt because of your dirty moves?"

"I am sorry, Seenu ..." 

"Fine." I turned around and gestured Guru to get back in the car. 

I started walking towards the car. I did not look back at that creepy girl. I drove away speedily, straight to my house. 

Later, that evening ...

There was a knock at the door. 

Before Shanaya could say anything, I took the envelope from her fair hands, in which there was the CD of the recording of all that happened on the hillock. I hugged her tightly. She wrapped her arms around me. Her blue eyes, twinkling with tears, just like her earrings twinkled over her ears.

"I am sorry, Seenu" 

"No, Shanaya, it was not your fault and nor it was mine."

She sobbed in my arms. I patted on her back, "Everything is okay, dear..." And I lifted her in my arms and carried her towards the sofa. I placed her gently over it.

She smiled and said, "I love you, Seenu..."

"I love you too", I said reflexly. I stood there like a stone, in a shock of what I just said. My eyes widened and I looked goofy.

She laughed. "Stupid, it is fine to fall for someone ..." She teased. I couldn't help smiling. Her beauty hypnotised me and I went closer to her and kissed her on her forehead.


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User avatar
67 Reviews


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Reviews: 67

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Sun Jul 01, 2018 5:26 pm
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TheWeirdoFromBeyond wrote a review...



This is Weirdo, here for a review. Please know that nothing in this review is meant to offend you or your story. This is just my opinion, you and other readers and reviewers could disagree. That being said, let us get into this review. I will try not to repeat anything that has already been said by Bloodlord, or what I said in the reviews of previous chapters.

What I liked
You have improved comparatively, that is amazing. Good work.

Grammar/Typos/Word check/Spell check
(the bold is what has to be corrected)

Sunaina, you are good looking ... I respect your love for me, but I am not in love with you ! Perhaps if you made a move before Shanaya, I would have developed some feelings for you... And moreover you have completely freaked me out. I am sorry I would be cheating you soon. But I have no other option to get back my Shanaya. I am sorry, Sunaina ...I am sorry...

*you!
*moreover,

Sunaina was standing under a tree. It looked as if she was desperately waiting for me. Guru was hiding in my car according to the plan. Sunaina stood restless, and kept staring at me as I walked towards her. She licked her lips and I knew her intentions were not good. She gave me a hug. She clinged[b] to me, trying to press her bosom against my chest. As she was busy trying to attract me, I wrapped my arms around her waist. She [b]clinged even more tighter. I gestured Guru to come out of the car and start the job.

*clung
*clung
*more

I swiftly took out the gun which was stuck firmly in the belt she was wearing over her skirt and pointed it on her.

*at

"Sunaina, stop the drama ! Just confess everything or I will shoot you ..."

*drama!

"Sunaina this is not the way to get someone's love. Do you have any idea about how I felt because of your dirty moves?"

*Sunaina,

What Else?
Everything important I said in previous reviews-
Spoiler! :
Character development of George and Hunny.
Shanaya and Seenu being flawless.
More backstory needed for all characters.

I think you should add more of what Seenu is thinking. Like at the time of pointing a gun at Sunaina. Did he actually intend to shoot her if she did not confess, or was he just bluffing to get her to confess? How did he feel when Shanaya said 'I love you'. You told us how he felt when he said 'I love you', but not what he felt when she said it. Or even what he felt when she showed up with the CD.
Also, if Shanaya saw everything that had happened when she saw the CD, how was she not terrified of a person who had pointed a gun at someone? I mean sure, Sunaina had done something bad, but a sweet guy would never threaten someone to kill them for such a small thing. And Shanaya saw Seenu as a sweet person.
I think there should be a part where Seenu explains to Shanaya that all of it was just a bluff to get her to confess.

Overall
Good to see you grow as a writer. I will probably review the following chapters of Lust, depends on the time I have left before going to bed.

Good luck writing :D
-Prachi




Eros says...


Thank you so much, Prachi!
I am getting to learn all the punctuations now... I will definitely edit the few things...

But Seenu would have shot her if she did not confess. He gets way too angry... I will edit a few things and describe this part... Thanks again!!





Glad to help :D



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Sun Jul 01, 2018 1:57 pm
Bloodlord wrote a review...



This was an exciting, satisfying resolution. The action and tension moved at just the right pace, and I don't really have much critique. The only thing I would say is that it was a little confusing for Shanaya to suddenly forgive Seenu. It might be helpful for the readers if you gave a little context as to how she found out about the deception and forgave Seenu.

Thanks for sharing!




Eros says...


Thank you so much, again !




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If it wasn't for poetry, I couldn't express myself.
— Rosendorn