This is Weirdo, here for a review. Please know that nothing in this review is meant to offend you or your story. This is just my opinion, you and other readers and reviewers could disagree. That being said, let us get into this review. I will try not to repeat anything that I said in the reviews of previous chapters, or what Bloodlord has said.
What I liked
You have improved comparatively, that is amazing. Good work.
Grammar/Typos/Word check/Spell check
(the bold is what has to be corrected)
I went to Shanaya's house and from there, we headed towards airport.
*the airport
We reached Goa after the travel and checked in to the pre-booked hotel. The hotel room that we booked was spacious and had 4 other rooms connected to each other, so we had our own separate rooms. It was a 7 day trip and we were supposed to leave in the morning of the 8th day. Shanaya and I cracked jokes and laughed together. Then we freshened up and relaxed.
*on
Our tourist guide explained about the overall programme and according to the plans, we headed towards the Calangaute beach.
*
After about half an hour of surfing we laughed with joy. Her parents were watching us from far. They we're smiling and were happy to see their daughter grinning with joy.
*surfing,
*were
At about 6, we reached Anjuna Beach. There we did no water activity, but enjoyed the sun set instead.
*sunset
At hotel, we had dinner and we went to the balcony that was common to my room and Shanaya's. We stood there, gazing the moon and the star studded night. I felt I was getting emotionally connected to her.
*the hotel
*star-studded
Shanaya took me to shopping that day. We bought many little pieces of bamboo art, little show pieces of shell work and other such works. Uncle and aunt did not accompany us. They stayed back at hotel and rested.
there are two ways to do this- either 'to shop' or '
*the hotel
We visited Sri Ananta Temple and other such temples and listened to the tourist guide who was telling us the stories of God.
*tour
What Else?
Everything important I said in previous reviews-
Spoiler! :
All of this applies here.
Now, some critiques only for this chapter,
The way you have described Day 2-Day 6 makes the story boring. (As I said earlier, no offence) You describe Day 1 in a lot of detail, but not so much for the rest. It seems like Seenu is feeling bored, and that is not possible to happen when you are on a vacation with the person you love. I know that writing a lot of detail for this part would be unnecessary, considering how something of major significance did not happen, but the details you have given just don't sound nice.
Try writing it more like this, (Don't use the exact words I've used. Feel free to change everything, with just keeping the idea as it is. This is a very rough way of me describing it)
After our arrival, we (whatever the characters did, example-checked in the hotel, etc). In the next 6 days, we visited(a few places you think were very important, not all the places they visited) and other places. We (this is where you can add romantic feelings). I could never forget (the most romantic moment. According to me, I think it would be to watch the sunset, alone with Shanaya. But it could be anything you think would be most romantic. Describe this moment in detail. Like here, for sunset, don't say after visiting (a certain place), we watched the sunset alone. But say it more like this-
I could never forget the moment when the sun disappeared over the horizon, and Shanaya looked into my eyes, as I looked into hers... say whatever you like. Change my words entirely, this is just an example.)
Overall
This was a good chapter. Hope this helps you. If you have questions, ask me. I'm not very experienced at writing yet, but I would try my best to answer them.
Good luck writing
-Prachi
Points: 1334
Reviews: 67
Donate