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Young Writers Society



Lust : Chapter 6 : The culprit...

by Eros


Chapter 6 : The culprit...

The next morning at 5, I went for a walk in the park. The park was empty. I saw Shanaya there, sitting all alone with tearful eyes. 

I walked towards her and touched her shoulder,

"Shanaya what are those tears about ?", I asked her worriedly.

She turned her head away from me. Her eyes were red and puffy. It was difficult for me to look at her weeping face which added a pale tinge on her face that I have always seen beautiful.

"Shanaya, why are you crying?", I demanded.

"Just go away, you bloody flirt !"

I was shocked at her words. 

"Don't accuse me like that, Shanaya !", I yelled at her. 

"I have evidence, Mr. Seenu." She stated in a strong voice. 

"What evidence? What flirt?"

"What evidence?! ", She repeated my sentence with anger and handed an envelope to me.

I opened the envelope and there were some photographs inside. I saw them, one by one, with wide eyes. It was breathtaking and shocking. There were the photographs of Sunaina and me sitting close. I stood there as if I was freezed by a witch's magic stick. I observed the photographs with narrowed eyes and I noticed that the big bag was cropped. The background of the classroom was edited and changed to the background of a park. 

There was the picture of Sunaina's legs touching mine. There was the picture of me hugging Sunaina. 

Hey that wasn't a hug ! She deliberately bumped into me ! Tears started to roll down my eyes.

I was stunned. I tried to explain Shanaya it was a lie. I tried to explain that Sunaina was trying to cheat !

"Cheater are YOU, Seenu !", And she tried to leave. Tears were now making me blind. I caught her wrist and pleaded her to stay back and believe me.

But it was futile. 

"Leave me, Seenu. You were more than a friend for me and you decieved me." 

I did not leave her wrist and instead tightened my grip. She used all her strength to free her hand that was now locked in the firm fist. Now I felt she was like a butterfly struggling to get free from the hunter's net. I loosened the grip and she went away. 

I cried tears of lament.

I went home and thought about the whole incident that happened between me and Sunaina. 

One question was bothering me, Why did George and Hunny allow her to sit with me?

I felt decieved. The pain of breaking the friendship with Shanaya tortured my heart, sometimes by wringing tears out of my heart, and sometimes by tormenting my soul by making me feel absolutely lonely in the city. I felt a stabbing pain in my heart.

I calmed myseld down. I was persistently getting the thought,

Hunny and George are involved in clicking those pictures and editing them---editing ... No ! Hunny and George are more into mechanical and they would not afford to spend so much of time editing those pictures in a computer...

I heard a voice ...

"Why didn't you scream or shout at Sunaina when you detested it so much from your heart?"... It was the voice of my conscience.

"Because I----- I didn't want to seem...RUDE...Yes!! Hunny and George also might have allowed her to sit because they didn't want to start an unnecessary quarrel and gain unwanted attention...!" 

This thought strengthened my belief in my friends. I called Hunny and George and asked them to reach my home.

They came. I showed them those pictures. They observed the pictures and said they must be clicked by a mobile phone's camera. The resolution of the pictures clearly explained the fact.

We together devised a plan in order to catch the true culprit.

In the college, Sunaina again sat besides me. I kept calm. George and Hunny were keeping a watch on every student present in the class.

I spent another day with Sunaina, and the same set of incidents followed ...the bag, the legs, the bumping, and as we expected, the pictures were being clicked. 

On the basis of the feeling of joy and wicked fun on the face, we caught hold of Guru who was the culprit. 

Guru was a little taller and darker in complexion than me but our physique was similar. 

I grasped his neck with arms from behind and pulled him closer to me. I was shaking with anger. There were beads of sweat over Guru's forehead. He whispered to me,

"Seenu bro, I don't want any scene in front of the fellow classmates. Please let's go somewhere else."

I nodded and dragged Guru with me. George observed my anger and stopped Hunny from following me and Guru.

"Hunny, wait ! The meter of Seenu's anger is showing full. Let him go alone. Seenu can control himself better when he is alone than when he is surrounded by us", said George.

"Okay..." Hunny agreed.

I took Guru to the hillock behind the college. Guru looked strong from outside, six packs and abs like mine, muscular arms... But was weak from inside unlike me. He was a coward from inside. On asking the story behind those pictures and the motives and characters behind that mean deed, he spoke,

"Sunaina loves you, Seenu. She wants to repel Shanaya from you. She is mean and is no less than a gangster. If you don't know, I would like to warn you that she keeps a gun stuck in the belt over her waist."

"Guru, you worked for Sunaina. Now it is time for you to change your side and fight for me."

I walked closer to him and without letting him predict my moves, I grabbed his neck and tightened the grip. It was tight enough to make Guru choke.

"Will you?", I asked him. He agreed and I left him coughing on the hillock. 


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User avatar
67 Reviews


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Sun Jul 01, 2018 4:54 pm
TheWeirdoFromBeyond wrote a review...



This is Weirdo, here for a review. Please know that nothing in this review is meant to offend you or your story. This is just my opinion, you and other readers and reviewers could disagree. That being said, let us get into this review. I will try not to repeat anything that has already been said by Bloodlord, or what I said in the reviews of previous chapters.

What I liked
How Seenu gets angry with Guru. This was a whole different side of him, and it made him seem like more than just a sweet guy who is smart. I sad earlier that Seenu did not strike me as the sort of person who would use swear words, now, he does.

Grammar/Typos/Word check/Spell check
(the bold is what has to be corrected)

"Shanaya what are those tears about ?", I asked her worriedly.

*Shanaya,

I opened the envelope and there were some photographs inside. I saw them, one by one, with wide eyes. It was breathtaking and shocking. There were the photographs of Sunaina and me sitting close. I stood there as if I was freezed by a witch's magic stick. I observed the photographs with narrowed eyes and I noticed that the big bag was cropped. The background of the classroom was edited and changed to the background of a park.

*frozen

Hey that wasn't a hug ! She deliberately bumped into me ! Tears started to roll down my eyes.

*hey,
*hug!
*me!
Also, this sentence was only said in his mind, I think he should have given a better statement in his defence, even though Shanaya would not believe whatever he was saying.

"Leave me, Seenu. You were more than a friend for me and you decieved me."

*to
*deceived

I felt decieved. The pain of breaking the friendship with Shanaya tortured my heart, sometimes by wringing tears out of my heart, and sometimes by tormenting my soul by making me feel absolutely lonely in the city. I felt a stabbing pain in my heart.

*deceived

I calmed myseld down. I was persistently getting the thought,

*myself

Hunny and George are involved in clicking those pictures and editing them---editing ... No ! Hunny and George are more into mechanical and they would not afford to spend so much of time editing those pictures in a computer...

*on

In the college, Sunaina again sat besides me. I kept calm. George and Hunny were keeping a watch on every student present in the class.

*beside

"Hunny, wait ! The meter of Seenu's anger is showing full. Let him go alone. Seenu can control himself better when he is alone than when he is surrounded by us", said George.

*wait!

What else?
Everything important I said in previous reviews-
Spoiler! :
Character development of George and Hunny.
Shanaya and Seenu being flawless.
More backstory needed.

All of this applies here. Also, Shanaya has no backstory either. She would have friends before she met Seenu, and why don't thay appear now? Did she have no friends at all, or did she get distant from them after she met Seenu. I think you should mention that.

Overall
It was amazing. It was good to see a different side of Seenu. Hope this review helps.

Good luck writing.
-Prachi :D




Eros says...


Thank You so much !!






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Sun Jul 01, 2018 1:49 pm
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Bloodlord wrote a review...



Another exciting chapter! I can’t wait to see how the conflict between Seenu, Susaina, and Shanaya resolves.

I think you could amp up Seenu’s anger a little bit more when he catches and talks to Guru. When they find the culprit, I think the sentence “On the basis of the feeling of joy and wicked fun on the face, we caught hold of Guru who was the culprit” is kind of a mouthful. Is there maybe a simpler way you can describe how they caught Guru because of his facial expression?

The exchange between Guru and Seenu would be more convincing with more dialogue. Instead of writing, “On asking the story behind those pictures and the motives and characters behind that mean deed”, you could instead have Seenu ask Guru directly. This would make it more real, and it would also eliminate the slightly unnatural wording.

It is interesting that Seenu wants Guru to be on his side now, even after Guru betrayed and angered him so much. Maybe you could explain why Seenu might find Guru useful, since it would seem more likely that Seenu would just get mad at him and not want to see him ever again.

Thanks for sharing – look forward to reading more!




Eros says...


Thank you so much for the review !!




Knowing too much of your future is never a good thing.
— Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief