This is Weirdo, here for a review. Please know that nothing in this review is meant to offend you or your story. This is just my opinion, you and other readers and reviewers could disagree. That being said, let us get into this review. I will try not to repeat anything that has already been said by ryanmakenna.
What I Liked
How Shanaya is more than a pretty face. Most times, pretty girls are shown as dumb, but I am glad Shanaya isn't.
Grammar/Typos/Word check/Spell check
(The bold is what has to be corrected)
I quickly glanced at the watch. 4:30 pm. I realized for a moment that it took almost 2 and a half hour to complete those assignments. Wait ! It was 4:30 and I had just half an hour left to meet her, if I decided to.
*Wait!
"Eh--- George ...and Hunny ! What are your plans next?"
*Hunny!
Hunny interrupted George, "So we are going to the sports club near George's house to play Pool, Seenu would you join us?"
*So,
I glanced at my watched again. 4:45. I replied, " No actually I have many things to do before going home, I have to go to the bank and also there is some other work. Ah--- you may both go and enjoy !"
*watch
I was anxious and for the first time I felt my heart racing. It was a strange feeling. But I kept calm though I was flooded with infinite questions and thoughts.
*time,
At the stroke of 5 there was nobody to be seen around. And I saw Shanaya walking towards me. I was going to stretch my hand to her for a handshake, but before I could make any move she straightaway leaned in my arms and gave me a hug.
*5,
Oh my God ! She knows my name ! How the heck did she know my name...
*God!
*name!
"Oh come on ! There are many handsome boys there in the college. Why me out of the so many?"
*on!
My six packs--- to hell with her precise observation !
*observation!
"Fine, I will meet you tomorrow again !"
*again!
Next day in the morning I could not concentrate in my studies. So I went for a walk. I thought it would refresh my mind. But instead, it lead to another meeting with Shanaya.
*on
I took in a deep breath and my breathing stopped for a moment. I was shocked about her wish to become a hacker.
*by
I became a little tensed, thinking I was sitting with such a dangerous woman... My legs shivered. I was staring at her, like a wide eyed owl.
*wide-eyed
"Seenu, I was joking !"
*joking!
After a bit more of a chit chat, we went to our respective homes. I came to know she resided with her parents in the colony situated just next to mine. I told her more about myself and also about my caring and loving mom and dad who lived in a small town. After spending my childhood in the village and completing my high school there, I got scholarship and was selected for this college here in this big city.
*a scholarship
At bed time, however, I could not help but think of Shanaya. She was the most gorgeous girl in the college. So many boys were mad in her love. And she chose me as her friend.
*bedtime
"She is trying to distract you, so that she could increase her chances of winning the trophy! Hunny, try to explain him...", George said in a high pitch.
*explain it to
"Stop it !"
*it!
"But those few days made us special friends, Shanaya... And you are speaking of breaking of this strong bond of friendship?", I looked in her eyes as I was saying.
Shanaya remained silent and was gazing in my eyes too.
*into (in both cases)
That day I did not attend the last 2 lectures, and went straight into the parking area. I unlocked my DC car and drove away. I nust wanted to leave and get home. I bought the car from all the money that I won in olympiads, soccer matches and scholarships since childhood. My car was my greatest achievement in life. I loved it and I treated it like a gorgeous lady.
*just
Story
Other than what ryanmakenna said, another thing I felt that could be changed is how perfect the characters are.
"Yes. Not every handsome boy plays soccer. Not every handsome boy is as studious as you. And not every handsome boy is as sweet as you. Not every handsome boy has six packs like you".
Seenu is shown as a perfect person. Sure, every girl thinks her crush is perfect, but from what I have read so far, Seenu is flawless-dedicated towards his goals in studies, into sports, girls falling over him, not having an attitude about it all. In case of characters, at times it is the flaws that make them better. I would like to see his flaws in following chapters.
Overall
It is good and has a lot of potential. Good luck writing
-Prachi
Points: 1334
Reviews: 67
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