Unorthodox Thieves (Chap.9): Suspicions an- Ah Crap, More People?

mmhm

I'd really like to write a chapter in one person's POV at some point. Maybe I'll do that for each characters' background special chapters later.

Sudden noises. Sudden noises everywhere. I need to fix that plot device, too.

It's readable now, guys! But mainly because I was too lazy to fully change the ending into the one I wanted. Sorry :P

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“Wila, look!” Reyna cried out.

Wila flinched and whipped around to see where Reyna was pointing at. Much to her chagrin, there was nothing but a dead bush and the same dry, hard ground as anywhere else. “Look at what?”

“Ah.” Reyna cocked her head, blinking, before shaking her head. “Never mind. I mistook that for a person.”

“It’s a bush,” Wila flatly said, glaring at her. For good measure, she walked over to the withered plant and kicked it, scattering a bit of loose dirt. She pointed at it, and then she pointed to herself. “How the heck do you see this thing as person?”

“Hey, peripheral vision isn’t always accurate!” Reyna put her hands up in surrender, dropping the wooden bat she was carrying in the process. It fell onto her foot, making the woman hastily kick it off, wincing.

“Then don’t alarm me of every little thing,” Wila said, more than a bit irritated. “This is like the… fifth time?”

“It can save your life, you know!” Reyna folded her arms, lifting her chin. She spoke as if she was talking to a young, confused child. “Surviving here is hard, annoying work!”

Wila decided to leave it at that and trudged on through the rather confusing mix of dry, light brown soil and healthy clumps of grass. “That’s what happens when two terrains combine,” she muttered.

“Hey, Reyna, do you want go into the plain a little more?” Wila called, deciding that there was nothing to be found on the border. She looked over her shoulder, preparing herself for another one of Reyna’s nonsense remarks, but froze.

Reyna wasn’t looking around like she was before; she was staring straight at Wila, looking deep in thought. That was quite a strange (and even a bit scary) look on the cheerful woman, considering that Reyna should never be thinking about anything through, from what Wila could tell from the admittedly limited amount of time Wila had spent with her.

“Erm… Reyna?” Wila warily said, snapping her fingers. The sound was muted through her sleeve but still definitely loud enough for the other person to hear.

“Hm?” Reyna stayed like that for another couple seconds, before finally moving towards Wila. She stepped in close and firmly gripped Wila’s upper arm, squeezing lightly.

Wila tensed, jerking her arm out of Reyna’s grip and stepping backwards. “W-what the heck?”

“Why’d you stiffen up?” Reyna curiously asked, although her tone had a determined edge akin to a strict doctor talking to a reckless patient.

“Um, you come up to me and randomly touch me,” Wila shakily began, frowning, “What else am I supposed to do?”

“No,” Reyna stated, shaking her head and folding her arms, “My dad was a soldier, and when he got back and was still a little injured, he’d tense and wince just like that whenever I hugged him in the wrong place. I can tell the difference by now. There’s no need to hide it; how’d you get hurt?”

Wila’s face darkened. “No,” she firmly said without the nervousness nor confusion that had been present before, “I’m not hurt.”

“Yes you-“ Reyna argued, but was cut off by Wila before she could finish.

No, I’m not. Now forget about it, alright?” Then, Wila gave an obviously forced smile. “You understand the need for secrets, don’t you?”

Unlike what the others may have done, Reyna didn’t pry any further, instead deciding to give Wila her privacy. “Alright.”

“Okay, then, so let me repeat. Want to go further into the plains? I’m not seeing anything here, and the voice was from the plains, after all.” Wila shifted into the mannerisms of what she was before- bored, and a little annoyed.

Reyna nodded, her face unreadable, and picked up her bat. She frowned- although it was more a gesture of self-chiding than external dislike- before smiling. “Of course!”

The mood between the two was now strained, but the two’s false yet well-done nonchalant attitudes kept it from completely breaking apart. The same awkward silence that pops up quite often in the arena struck again, leaving them with nothing but the sounds of a bird’s faint chirps and footsteps in the grass.

Swinging the large branch in a loosely controlled circle, Reyna switched into a position of carrying the bat with both hands since she was getting tired. While doing so, her ears detected a sound.  Not a lone voice, but one that closely resembled the noise at a crowded mall. It came in the direction of the forest where she had found Wila and Lucius- which was also a perfect cover for a large amount of people. A rare feeling of dread overcame her and it showed in her sudden grimace and tightened grip on her bat. “Wila…”

"What?" Wila asked, turning to her. She, apparently, had not heard the noise; understandable, considering how far the forest was.

Reyna tapped her ear with one hand. "I hear people," she explained, nodding towards the trees, "lots of 'em."

Wila's posture shifted immediately, although it was barely noticeable and if not for Reyna's sharp eye, it would've seemed like nothing had changed: her feet shuffled into a position more suited to break out in a run, and her hand flew up to lightly touch her upper left arm. "I see."

Reyna was rather grateful for the simple and understanding response, because it saved them a lot of time. "So... wanna go or not? I mean, charging in is fun and all, but Claud would kill me if I got myself killed on my own by trying to talk to hostiles. Huh, I wonder how that works."

"Are you kidding me? You have to take some risks." Wila gave a short laugh."Surviving here is hard, annoying work, you know?"

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Ventomology
Review

YAY! I can finally catch up!

Anyways, first, I have a small nitpick for you to consider.

The mood between the two was now as strained as puree
I know where this simile is coming from, but I'm not sure it makes sense. Besides, puree tends to have a lot of pulp left in it, and you would strain it in order to get rid of the pulp. (Or at least that's what I remember from the time I made raspberry sauce...)

Note: I think I might have given you this tip earlier, but I'm going to give it again. You may want to cut down on the number of adverbs you're using. Words like 'immediately,' you don't need to worry about, since those are difficult to reword, but 'lightly' shows up a couple times in this chapter, and often the verbs that it's paired with are strong enough on their own.

Funsies!

1. The ending sentence is great! I love tasteful (or teasing, in Wila's case) repetition.

2. I'm so glad you devoted a chapter to the girls. Not only does it help with the storytelling, but it also throws into disarray any theories your reader might have had about who in the group could turn traitor. Getting us readers close to a traitor character would also be an interesting ploy...

3. The description of the sound from the forest is lovely. The simile brings back the whole this-is-modern feel, and provides an excellent reference point so that the reader can relate.

Great job! Onto chapter 10!
-Buggie

... Yeah, the puree part is weird ;u; I'm going to go ahead and delete it.

Hey, EnderFlash!

Yes, this chapter is allowed to be read now!! I apologize in advance for any typos, I currently can't see out of my left eye very well.

#000000 "> The Review!


#004000 ">Plot

Spoiler
#004000 "> Another good chapter, my friend! I loved the bickering between the two girls, I half expected a cat fight to break out. (I totally wouldn't put that past Reyna.) Wila just gets more and more suspicious and untrustworthy, doesn't she? The only note I really have is are you sure you really want Wila and Reyna to go into the forest. I understand how it cause all sorts of plot drama; heck a character could get killed. But you'd also be introducing at least 2 more people by the sound of things. You've already got 5 strong main characters, do you really want to add more? I'd say it's fine for them to go into the forest if the new people aren't going to be becoming allies. You don't want to have an overabundance of characters; it leads to confusion at times, and most likely an original character being forgotten about. Some people can pull off 7 or so characters though, so if you really want to give it a shot I say go for it!


#FF0000 ">Characters

Spoiler
#FF0000 "> Everyone continues to be developed well, so I'm not going to dwell on this for long; just gonna say Keep Up The Good Work!


#800080 ">Other

Spoiler
#800080 "> I love your chapter titles...


#000080 ">Typos/Grammar/Odd Sentences

Spoiler
#000080 "> I don't think I noticed any!!


Overall, another good chapter!

~Myth

I'm late, but thank you for the review!

I'm glad you like the chapter titles ^.^ I like to make weird ones.

No problem! I really love reviewing things! Your work is always really fun to read as well. :)

Haha. They always make me laugh, :) I may have to steal your brain so I can start giving my chapters titles.



The first thing I do when I have a good quote is always to put a goat in it. uwu
— Liminality