z

Young Writers Society



Unorthodox Thieves (Chap. 8): That One Pigeon Again

by EnderFlash


AREN’T YOU GUYS GLAD THAT I MAKE UP THESE CHAPTERS ON THE SPOT really though I want more progress but if only I would stop procrastinating so that I could write longer chapters lololol

Wow, I just realized that most chapters end with them walking somewhere. I’m going to have to change that e.e

===

“You’re pathetic,” Lucius commented, observing Claud trying and failing to pull himself up onto the tree’s lowest branch. He himself was sitting on a patch of short grass, chin in hand as he did nothing to help or advise Claud. “The branch isn’t even much higher up than you are tall.”

Claud gasped and let go of the branch, dropping onto the grass. He laid there, his palms pink and slightly scratched up from gripping the bark. “Then… why don’t you… go climb it?”

“Nah, I can’t do it,” Lucius said, “so I’m not about to make a fool of myself like you did.”

“Eh… I can do it…” Mikhail hesitantly raised his hand like a schoolboy asking a question, which, in all honesty, was what he probably had been before coming to the arena.  “If, if you want, of course.”

“Are you sure, Mikhail?” Claud raised his eyebrows, having relaxed enough by that point to talk without panting every couple seconds. He sat up, brushing slivers of bark off of his hands. “No offense, but you’re even scrawnier than me.”

Mikhail nodded. He didn’t look offended; rather, there was the smallest hint of an uncharacteristic smirk on him, although he was trying his best force his lips into a neutral position. Without another word, he came to stand underneath the lone tree Claud had been trying to scale and jumped, taking hold of the lowest branch and shaking off some dying leaves in the process. With a determined grit of his teeth and some visible strain on his muscles, or lack thereof, he pulled himself up enough to hug the branch with his chest. He then scrambled into a crouching position, making sure to keep both hands on the trunk.

Claud was shocked to the point that he didn’t react when a couple of leaves fell onto his hair. He bit his lip, not wanting to say anything that would make himself look worse, and tried to subtly discern how muscular Mikhail really was.

“He’s not buff, if that’s what you’re thinking.” Lucius popped up behind Claud, clapping him on the back and making the older man flinch. “I mean, he’s stronger than I thought, but you’re just as weak as heck. I’m actually surprised.”

Cluad coughed, stepped away from Lucius, and gave Mikhail an encouraging nod. “Go on, Mikhail. Try to get as high as you can, then tell us if there are any signs of other people in this plain. Since this is pretty much the highest tree around, there shouldn’t be too many visionary obstacles.”

Mikhail gave a smile to show that he had heard, and continued scaling the tree with admirable agility. He paused on a stable branch every once in a while to catch his breath, but was still decidedly more efficient than Claud would ever be. A tree-hug here, scrambling onto that one branch there; it wasn’t even ten minutes before the boy had reached a high enough outlook to see most of the plains.

“See anything?” Claud yelled, his hands cupped around his mouth.

From where he was, Mikhail squinted and scanned the grasses below. It was a sea of green and yellow, and other than the occasional tree, there wasn’t much to see. There was nothing out of the ordinary, on the ground, anyways. However, circling a patch of tall grass a couple feet lower than Mikhail’s current elevation was a uniquely colored pigeon. It was a light gray with dark spots, yet unmistakably a pigeon all the same. He relayed the small finding down to Lucius and Claud with a shout that was just barely hearable for them.

Lucius pondered the new information, and a lightbulb seemed to go off. “Ah!” He raised a finger. “That’s right; there was a bird like that on the beach, too, right?”

“Could it be a coincidence?” Claud pondered, frowning and processing this small yet possibly important tidbit. “These areas are closely linked, after all. But… In all my time here, I haven’t seen a pigeon in any region but the city area. Perhaps we should go check the area the pigeon is circling. Memorize where it is, Mikhail, and come down!” He shouted the last part to the boy.

Mikhail may or may not have nodded, but either way, he began to climb down. When he reached the lowest branch and moved to jump off, though, he slipped and all but collapsed onto the dirt below with a squeak. "Ow!"

Claud rushed over to the boy, helping him up and bending over so that he could inspect Mikhail for any injuries. "Are you okay? Can you walk?"

Mikhail waved Claud off, giving a sheepish chuckle. "I, I'm fine. Usually don't trip, b-but I felt a little weird today... I guess everyone makes m-mistakes."

"Well, be more careful next time!" Claud lectured, although without a frown. "If you got seriously hurt, we would've had to waste time patching you up."

“Wouldn’t happen,” Lucius responded, even though it wasn’t a question and Claud hadn’t been referring to him. “I mean, it’s not that great a fall, and after seeing that display of climbing, I doubt Mikhail’s made of glass.”

“Still,” Claud shrugged, helping Mikhail to his feet, “You have to be careful. It wouldn’t do to be limping around when someone starts to chase you. Alright, got the location, Mikhail?”

“Y-yes.” Mikhail pointed to a distant location, about to say the instructions, before thinking about it and lowering his arm. “Just… follow me.”

Claud unnecessarily rapped Lucius on the shoulder and wordlessly went after Mikhail.

Lucius frowned at Claud’s gesture, but just laced his fingers and rested his arms behind his head, complying with Mikhail's request (and definitely not Claud's silent order). Stepping through the scratchy weeds and grass, he looked down at the ground, playing a mental game of 'Don't step on any flowers'.

He had a bad feeling about this.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



Random avatar

Points: 240
Reviews: 101

Donate
Sat Sep 19, 2015 4:29 am
ParanormalMyth wrote a review...



Hey!

So I saw chapter 9 in the Green Room, and was going to review it after reading the before chapters, but then saw the bold message of "do not read." So I decided to review this chapter instead!

#000000 "> The Review!


#004000 ">Plot

Spoiler! :
#004000 "> I'm going to say a bit about each chapter most likely, but I'm not going to try and devide my thoughts by chapter because I'd probably end up getting the chapters horribly confused.
So, you've had me since chapter 1. I'm a huge sucker for dreams, no matter how "cliché" some may say they are. Lucius' dream was really interesting; you took something as simple as ding dang door and made it be an entrance into a "second chance". I'm mad as soot at myself for not being able to remember the little sisters name, but I do know it starts with a A, so I'm calling her A. A was extremely sweet. You subtly told us about Lucius, with how he reacted to A. (Was her name Arianna? Hmm...)
Ooh, a seeming colorless teleportation portal, and a person. Awesome. This whole section was well as well. I hope we get to see Chris again at some point. (I don't think I spelt his name right...)
Dang, now we're in an arena and there's a girl yelling not to kill her. My first thought was "Hunger Games" though this has proved to be nothing like the Hunger Games. I was honestly surprised that Lucius (am I spelling his name right...?) went with Wila. Half of me expected him to storm of after Chris.
Ok, now there's a creepy Serial-Killer Maniac woman named Reyna. I like this character A LOT. Heck, how you not like someone who carries around a baseball bat-look alike? Ah, nice, we get to meet her crew.
I'm not sure I like this crew. Mikhail seems really cool though. At first glance,
I didn't like Claud. He seemed like a pushover; but I now realize he is a really nice guy, he kinda is like a big teddy bear.
The spear-fishing scene was really well done, and I enjoyed the "group bonding". I really want to know more about Reyna and Claud's past.
Dang, now two people think they've seen Wila before? Interesting. I really don't trust Wila. And there's the pigeon again. What is up with that thing?! XD


#FF0000 ">Characters

Spoiler! :
#FF0000 "> Well, I kinda ended up talking about the characters in the plot section on accident... Whoops. So I'll just say that you've done good job with you're characters and that I really like them. :)


#800080 ">Other

Spoiler! :
#800080 "> I love at the end of this chapter when Lucius (I still don't think I'm spelling his name right) was playing "Dont Step On Any Flowers" ; it reminds me of things I've done as a kid that are similar.


#000080 ">Typos/Grammar/Odd Sentences

Spoiler! :
#000080 "> Umm... I didn't notice any!


Overall, this whole story is great so far. I hope you write more, and I'll be impaitently waiting for the notice on chapter 9 to go away so I can read it. :)

~Myth




EnderFlash says...


Heh! Yeah... I'll try to fix up nine that as soon as possible. RIGHT AFTER ANOTHER LEAGUE GAME-

Thank you so much ;u; I'm glad people are actually reading along and enjoying this!


Random avatar


Haha, it's fine, I understand. :)

No problem! Yeah, I may have completely ignored my family for the past hour to read all the chapters...

When you re-read your review after posting and notice so many typos. O.O (I should really stop writing reviews on a iPod..)



EnderFlash says...


Yes, that moment when you comment on a typo and you make a typo yourself e_e The shame is overbearing.



User avatar
557 Reviews


Points: 33593
Reviews: 557

Donate
Mon Sep 14, 2015 1:34 am
Ventomology wrote a review...



I am definitely not a week late. Nope, nope.

Anyways, since this was a fairly short chapter, and I'm having a hard time writing big points for this, let's just get the two little nitpicks out of the way and then move on to other stuff.

Mikhail hesitantly raised his hand like a schoolboy asking a question, which, in all honesty, is what he probably was before coming to the arena.
I know using 'was' twice would sound awkward, but verb tense comes first. Maybe you could reword it as "which, in all honesty, was probably what he had been before..." and so on.

he looked down at an angle where he could see the others' feet yet could also see the ground
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure that looking at other people's feet usually entails also looking at the ground.

Funsies!

1. Mikhail just gets more suspicious every chapter... Honestly, no matter what you do with his character development, I'm pretty sure there's no easy way to mess it up from here. Good job!

2. You have my 100% approval with the suspicious pigeons. It's so much fun to have seemingly random, everyday items become plot points, and it adds to the originality of the piece.

3. Having the boys go off on adventures makes me kind of curious about what Willa and Reyna are up to. Hopefully they'll get some interesting action.

Finally, you're doing a great job on the whole! The improvement from chapter one until now is super obvious, and I'm really proud of you. There's room for improvement, but I'll save that for the next review.

Until next time!
-Buggie




EnderFlash says...


1. Whaddya mean by no easy way to mess it up? Like, mess up his character? Because if so, thanks! If not, then what xD

2. BIRDEMIC IS COMING -no it's not-

3. Funny you say that....

Also, you're a week late? Look at my stuff! I have to catch up (once this stupid clarinet audition is over x_x)!




Find wonder in the everyday, find everyday language to articulate it.
— Maurice Manning