Fingers running up my thigh
like runners on the track;
you were gunna win the race,
while I was on my back.
Your lips would say I love you
when you kissed my hairline,
but your hands grabbed me tighter
saying I’ll make you mine.
Inside, I was your princess,
your perfect, only one.
Outside, I was just legs up –
another prize you won.
Now I see the broken smile,
the truth I can’t erase.
It’s hard to forget the past
when guilt is on my face.
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140,206 Literary Works • 673,042 Reviews
Okay, So I'm Like a HUGE romantic.
and I have to say, your poem was very good.
When people write poetry about love, (especially guys),
they don't like to write about the fact that, they all usually leave you.
but this poem explained that side exceptionally well.
I loved it!
It was deep, and i doubt any of the audience will forget it.
you go girl!♥
p.s. your signature is awesome, too.
Hi. I love it, love it! The writing is excellent. The imagery, you go girl! I mean every single line just drew me in, I almost hit my head on my monitor. The emotions are deep and honest and I don't know if angry and disappointed at the same time, wow. This is the first time I give anyone one of these so congrats,
Hey Clau,
I really enjoyed this. I like how the form contrasts with what you're saying, and it also gives it a sort of throw-away feel, which is great.
The ending is really effective, but something is bothering me about "broken smile" and "truth is on your face"...I think I could just take or leave these lines, when I'd want to be startled or at least surprised by them.
I really loved the second stanza and "Outside, I was just legs up".
I'd change "running" because running like runners? You're better than that!
Great to have you back! Hope this helps,
Jas
Yay Zanne! You have done something I never thought possible, wrote a rhyming love poem, and have it work. Not only did it work, I really liked it.
I think maybe if you say "I will" instead of "I'll" it might make it flow better.It's great though! Awesome job!
~Hope
Hello, Suzanne!
I'm not that great at poetry, so I can't really help you with this, but I do want to say I really like it! It's really deep for a short poem. I like the simile in the first stanza. I'm not sure why, I just really like that simile haha. Any who...great job!! Keep up the good work!
~~Lee-Anna
Okay, so I am like, no good giving tips on poetry, but I have to say, that this is full of emotion. Your comparisons are good, and you really give us imagery! Great job!
Wow,thats really powerful I loved it.