Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
And Chapter 13...and apparently Part 2 of the story?
First Impression: Well now that is some great secret spy stuff right there. And I love the fact that you kept the humor out of this one to make sure the seriousness of the scene came through.
Anyway let's break this down,
The room was a low-ceilinged metal chamber, about the size of the room he'd helped construct at the foot of Aurora's ladder. It's lights were piercing white when they were turned on, but the lack of windows plunged them into near darkness when they weren't. The only source of illumination was the 'on' light of a security camera, and its reflection in the mirror that almost completely covered one wall.
Good description there. Does a good job of helping us get our bearings in the scene that comes after this one.
Dexi said that in cop shows that was always a window, and that people must have been watching them sleep. That was almost more uncomfortable than the floor. To be fair to Neuromax, they had given each of them a small bed of straw, but none of them could bear to sleep in something clearly made for a pet dog, unless they were on outdoor shift at the zoo.
Well Carothers is definitely deserving of several punches to the face for the crimes that he has his far commited.
Sue Haldane wasn't the friendliest of faces either, if Chip was honest. And it didn't help that they barely saw MacLean.
To be honest besides moving the animals here we still don't quite have a way to say that Sue is bad. I honestly didn't get a bad vibe from her so far.
Chip’s eyes sprang open, and he whipped his head around in all directions to see what it was. Could he really have been sleeping so lightly that a stray breeze from a crack in the window frame had woken him. He blinked as rapidly as he could, desperately trying to get his eyes used to the dark.
So later he sees he wasn't really sleeping but then this comment suggests that he was in fact sleeping somewhat.
The voice was so quiet all he could really tell about it was that it was female. And he would have known it wasn’t Crothers anyway because Crothers couldn’t even compute that they had names of their own.
*growls and cracks knuckles*
“I’m so sorry. I’d have brought a torch but I think there’s CCTV in here and I’m not meant to be here for more than a few seconds to check on you,” MacLean said, her voice cracking a little. But somehow, as nervous as she sounded, her mouth was distorted in a horrible, arrogant smirk. “Just stay calm, ignore my face, and listen to my words.”
I'm assuming the CCTV's have night vision if they can see Sue's face. And I hope Chip is doing some tactical face turning of his own to avoid getting caught talking to Sue.
Chip shrugged. “It’s alright. Nothing lasting. The scans are pretty painful though. And I don’t think any of us are enjoying the visions.”
Oh dear...are they giving them some kind of hallucinogen.
“Cameras,” MacLean explained. As she went through the steps of the plan, pangs of love shot through Chip’s chest, even as her snarl wound ever tighter on her features. It hadn’t even occurred to him that his friends would find a way to help. It should have, he knew. Of course they would get him out of there.
So I'm assuming we've jumped forward like a week in time at least unless Patrick is secretly working for MI6 or something.
Chip raised an eyebrow, though he knew she couldn’t see it. “I don’t know what I was doing before you came in, but it was not sleep.”
Please get some sleep Chip. You're going to need it.
And that's it.
Overall: Well good little secret mission sorta scene. Again that relationship that these animals have is reinforced very well. And MacLean appears to be on the correct side...for now. Anyway let's see what happens next.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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