You once saw the brilliant cerulean skies and white, billowing clouds
Forever and endless, stretched before you
Like a vast, blank canvas
Waiting for a masterpiece to show itself
But then, for reasons unknown, you closed your eyes to this astounding beauty
And then all you could see
Was a wretched, sanguine landscape
With a crimson sun, ash-filled skies
And rivers forever flowing with scarlet.
And you could hear them
Whispering, pleading
For you to join this world of darkness.
Flee now! You must hurry
Before you become a slave
And are trapped forever
In the stained, bloodied world
Where even the trees shed tears of shame
And the shadows reign with unspeakable evil.
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139,441 Literary Works • 672,564 Reviews
Wonderful imagery here. Absolutely wonderful. I wish I were as great as you with imagery - really. I agree with Vball - it takes me into another world, which is fantastic. You painted a marvellous masterpiece here. Keep on writing, my hat is off to you!
EDIT - probably my favourite piece on this site so far.
This is a great and very creative and insightful poem.
It takes me into another world that is fascinating, yet terrible.
It is a dramatic change from a sky full of clouds and a blank canvas to a terrible world that is trying to coax you in.
I really enjoyed reading this piece and applaude you for your creativity!
Great job.
This is good! I love how you went into such depth on the landscape bits, they're really beautiful. I'd look at your form a little bit, I feel like for a poem like this maybe you could create stanzas, and work on the line length? That's just my opinion though, so don't take it too seriously! This is beautiful stuff!
I like this a lot! Very good imagery and setting.
One thing I would change: Capitalize every line of the poem, even if it's the middle of a sentence.
That is all. Beautiful piece.
Keep it up!
--H.