Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,603 Literary Works • 672,615 Reviews
Please press Like if you like it! Thanks!
Hello there, I'm here as requested.
Sorry for the wait, I'm just busy these days. So here we go with the review.
First off, the flow was good, even though I though the punctuation was a little bit weird. You say it was intended, so I'll just ignore it.
The imagery was also good, with the use of specific words and the phrasing. The only thing that I did not like was the second verse. It was tiny compared to the others, and didn't quite have that much substance to it, again in comparison to the other three.
That said, I really liked the poem, and I think you did a good job overall.
Keep writing!
-Other One
Descriptive words that went through my mind as I read (in no particular order):
Fleeting, quick, simple, piercing, sharp, creative, innovative, imaginative, original, inspired, bright, sensitive, artistic, elegant, urgent, contemporary, light, soft, penetrating, perceptive, charming, passionate, delicate, endearing, smart, restrained, thoughtful, observant, melancholy, insightful, reflective, extraordinary, philosophical, melodious natural, powerful, potent, strong, beautiful, glorious, graceful, sweet, sensitive, engaging, and lovely.
I thought this was genius. I've never seen a poem about a hummingbird before. I enjoyed it very much.
Great piece. Write more!
H.
Your topic was nice sth that has the oppurtunity to live forever- Poetry as it should be is what I say. good work and btw, thanx a lot for your review to Music and memory- hope my, well- I know it's not as helpful as ur review- but I TRIED
Hey DevanEWilliams,
This was a really good poem, I really enjoyed the simplicity of it all. But even though 'Hummingbird'
was the poem's title, I think there needs to be a little more clarity in what this poem is actually about.
Some of your descriptions left me puzzled and you need to be clear and more up-front in what you're
actually trying to say. These lines in particluar...
Not entirely sure what the 'frantic beats that defy gravity' actually are?
Not sure why you've included gems...
But, I must say, your use of language was fantastic. You were creatively descriptive and it was
fresh and lively, and captured the energy of a hummingbird very nicely. Awesome stuff.
Miyakko.
I enjoy the detail that you go into, and the comparison between the bird and gems is wonderful, more so because it is an oxymoron, such a thing is impossible, but even so, here we see it. Lovely
If not, keep it exactly as it is, I don't know this humming-bird after all, he/she may well be the pet of Satan himself! Haha.
My favourite line is :
that provide life
to sword-mouth, snake-tongue.
Both the imagery and language is effective here, but perhaps consider this: You are presenting a wonderful image of the humming-bird, however liken it's mouth and tongue to things that are quite lethal and nasty, is that the effect you want to make? If not maybe create a metaphor that suits the image better
Over all, very enjoyable.