Young Writers Society

I love how you wrote this. You have Brilliant rhyming skills and a beautiful selection of words. The meaning of this poem really has a deep meaning that is sure to stay with the reader.

"The monster pulls me down too deep"

I take that as a metaphor for the negativity from people around you and the negativity, and cruelty that you appoint to yourself.

"Its claws grip hard around my wrist"

I take that this line represents self harm.

"It's stolen my voice and cracked my lungs"

I take this line to mean that you've become afraid to speak up and talk to people, making you anti-social, afraid of what other people will think of you and judge you.

"But if I try to pull away

Then I will surely break."

I believe that this line means that that the alternative is much worse than the current state and place you are in currently.

Overall very well written, please do write more.
-K

I think this it great. I love the personification. You need to put in the first sentence I am a fragile,brittle girl. I told you to put that so your title makes more sense. In the fourth sentence after the word pass you need to me so it is a proper sentence. Then in the next sentence you need to put "The monster pulls me down. Other than that it is great. love the flow.

I really like this poem, the concept is used very often but I liked the use of words in this one. Something I really liked was the end where you said if you pull away you will surely break

Hi DevanEWilliams,

My favourite part of this poetry was the flow: you have an eye for rhythm and it shone in this piece. Usually one of the first things I have to say on YWS is to point how much a poem does not flow and how it reads badly but you picked the right teams to write a new line and it shows.

The only line that did break the flow a little is this one:

It's shattered all remaining will

Very Good. I enjoyed it. It was very dramatic and it was pierced with darkness. I normally don't use that. lol. Anyway, the story was very good indeed. I find it to be a relatable story. I think people can relate to the girl in the story. The hurt she was feeling is very in depth. Good job!

Since this a review, I need to point out some things. You can't use 'And' or 'But' in a front of a sentence. It makes it a dependent clause. It can't be a dependent clause. I thought I let you. Well that's all. Keep writing!

Hope.

The intense imagery successfully portrays the profundity of the narrator's state of mind. It pin-points the feelings of "despair and loss" and causes the reader to experience these emotions first-hand. On a personal note, this poem resonated with what I felt upon loosing a loved one. You're truly gifted! Keep writing away!

I love this poem!!!!! The descriptions are really, and I mean really good. I mean: My body's made of glass? I would call that amazing description and that is one of the worst ones! I can really relate and I have thought all of this, just less descriptive. I can't believe how perfect you made this and please, never start writing.

It flows across the tong really well it has a very emotional feeling and good wording. Is The setting about a girl having nightmares because the part about monsters makes me think that it is a nightmare. It also makes me think about a song from the movie into the woods and the way it is written also makes me think of another poem that i wrote in school one thing you could add. would be using the word the a little bit less but besides that it is a very heartwarming and heartbreaking story if you write any more poems or stories I would like to read them.

I felt the same way a year ago. This poem is how everyone feels somewhere in their life. I think that having inspiration from what's happening right then is a good way to start a poem or book. I like how its fiction but its what's also happening in our head. I like the how the monster grabbed your wrist, why I like that is because its sounds like your parents are being mean to you and the monster is your parents.

I felt the same way a year ago. This poem is how everyone feels somewhere in their life. I think that having inspiration from what's happening right then is a good way to start a poem or book. I like how its fiction but its what's also happening in our head.

I like it it flows across the tong easily and it very emotional