OMYGOSHHHHHH. I'm sorry, I don't mean to get all immature about it but this poem is awesome. If I wrote something like this, it would take me years and years. I'm seriously trying to think of a way to critique this but I'm dumbfounded...don't ever delete this.
the suicidal curvature in the darkness of solitaire and realize
it's not what the mirror reflects that's important
only why it reflects the way it does.
:gets chill bumps:
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Canary word: Present
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140,565 Literary Works • 673,441 Reviews
you're too good. it's not even fair. it makes me sick, how good you are. SICK, brad!
again it seems Brad you have the ability to shine with your vocabulary of fantastical words and ideas. simply put -- WOOHOO...hmm maybe with just a tad less energy...I really enjoyed reading this piece.
There were a few things that caught my attention.
- I really like this line and feel it should stay in, but the word 'cleanliness' like all ness words seems to mess up the flow of the poem. I can't think of how to change it but I thought I'd give you a heads up.
- this transition seemed a little off. nothing really to worry about, as it's perfectally meaningful, beauteous language.
-the first few times I read this is was really hard to grasp what you were saying because they way it was written, but when I read it alone (those two lines) it was easier to get through my head. Maybe it would flow better some other way. Meh.
Well to top that off. Great poem, I really, really enjoyed reading it.
cheers CL
'dip our hands into the H2O molecules and sift through them for cleanliness'
This messed with my groove. Change it or get rid of it.
That was the only part of it...the last stanza was awesome, strangely enough.
Wow it's been ages since I've posted here...
I was a little questionable at first glance when I saw the (short) length of poem, but once I started reading, I couldn't take my eyes off of it. Very unique style, Brad, I really liked this.
The idea and the imagery was unquestionable. It really left a sense of how abstract thoughts can be connected to concrete examples.
Thanks, I really enjoyed this.