teenie boppers
emo singing
guitar stringing
kids.
Haha. Love that line. Well, you told me not to read this...but here I am reading it anyway.
Yes, it is emo though--and a little "incomprehensible" as you said, but it still was decent. Definitely not anything that needs to be trashed like so many other things on here...just let it sit and come back to it some other day. It'll come to you.
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140,567 Literary Works • 673,442 Reviews
I got it. Like i said...
Very good. You got the point across, and it wasn't clunky or dumb like other poems of its kind...
Yeah, Liz, that's because Grant is Lolly's (Pogo's)...aaaah, screw it. Nevermind. But yes, that was the point.
See! I knew you could do it! :Gives Brad a giant hug:
You came back to it and look what you've got! I like this version better, of course and I feel like I can relate, but I don't know if it's for the right reasons. Still, though Brad--you've done it again...and I'm glad you didn't take out:
teenie boppers
emo singing
guitar stringing
kids.
Perhaps it'll have to go with my favorite stanzas of all times.
hmmm...first part reminded me of Pogo's "More blah blah blah." i read it on TYWC ages ago.
"oh my god. did
you know i used
to write? yeah and
i used to tell jokes
too,"
in fact, its pretty much the same thing. fair enough. anyway, i liked this. it's simple and yet full of emotion. real emotion, which is the good type. nice work.
This was written February 17th. And I need to remember that. I actually cried on this poem whenever I read it aloud to a small audience. I feel like an idiot, especially after becoming terrified at the sky. Then I remembered clouds existed, and that's why the stars weren't there. Still, it was kind of spooky, but I guess I'll get over it. Eventually.
I understood it though I may have got it wrong - and I did really like it...
I'm no good at saying what to change on your poems, sorry.
Wu
i didnt understand it, but i still liked the poem anyway, good choice of words. I thought this was really good though, i dontthink its bad at all, keep up the good job your are very experienced.