Music Of War!

It's really good, Card Dragon! So what does it sound like? Do you have music to go along with it?

Thanks everyone for there comments. It keeps me going.
This is much better than approval from family.

I LOVED the vibe this poem gave off.
It was a peaceful, yet shocking feeling.
I can't seem to explain it but I think poems touch people in different ways.
Hope I helped somewhat!
-Libby<3

You have put the image of war in a realistic sad way, and I love how your song is split into a male turn and a female turn. It was touching, and since war is a world wide crisis, everyone who reads this is able to relate thoroughly to it. Nice work.

Hey! Just a quick note, I edited the caps out of your title.

I like the rhythm you make in this song. I can hear it, it kind of sounds like a rap in my head. Some of the rhymes sounded a little forced though, like some words were there just for the sake of making it rhyme. But maybe it doesn't sound as noticeable if it's sung, I don't know, it just stood out to me written down. I like the way you repeated "can you hear the music of war", and didn't have a chorus - I don't suppose you need a chorus when the first line or two of each part is repeated, so that's good. One other thing though, "house residence door" sounds a bit strange to me, since the house is the residence, so it's kind of like saying the same thing twice. I like the flow of this though, and with a bit of tweaking, it could be really good.

CardDragon wrote:male
Can you hear the music of war?(emphasize)
Outside my house residence door.
Once it wasn't a chore to come to your door many times more.
Now that there is a war, and the music of it is not far from my door.
female
Can you hear the music of war?(emphasize)
Outside my house door.
Everyone's poor these days in all sorts of ways.
They miss the love of others for many days.
I missed the way you used to say you love me that day.
Though a memory is not okay.
male
Can you hear the music of war?(emphasize)
Outside my house residence door.
Now I'll back track, while listening to soldiers quack.
To be guided by the northern stars.
That still dance and prance in the wars.
Just throughout the night, with splendor delight.
I hope to alight on your doormat, without being a bloody sight.
female
Can you hear the music of war?(emphasize)
Outside my house door.
The time your taking is like you are baking a new war.
And I can't wait till you say my name, with no shame.
No one who blame us if we can't tame ourselves when day is lame.
Cause the happiness in our heart would let us part.
male and female:
Here after, the music ends.
Here after, the music ends.
A new world born, I would just like to taste the mildew.

Can you hear the music of war?
Above this house the stars are twinkling and we are thinking;
it is going with our blinking to get inside.
And the war shall sink, as we kiss as we blink.

Music Of War...
Music Of War...
Music Of War...
gone....