Young Writers Society

Hi Carddragon,

I like this song. It has a lot of love emotion in it, very romantic lyrics. The layout is a bit odd which sort of put me off but other than that, I liked it! I liked the whole concept of ice meeting fire and it being a knockout. There was enough repeating of the chorus to get the message across. I also really liked the last line, "I've never seen brighter days." I think this was the perfect way to end the song because it's a line we haven't heard before and it seems final, like you could remain in that love forever with the days only looking up. Nice job

You haven't posted many new works that are of recent. I think you should! You've got great talent

Deanie x

sexy lyrics....i like it. it sounds like rap and rock genre. quite romantic lyric. i am interested in hearing some more lyrics from u. ur strippin part in this lyrics was nyc.........allover a sexy flamy song!

mark my words it will be soon in the hollywoood movie song! i's too much na....but still, write like this soon my prediction will come true.

Hey there! Nice lyrics you got there, even tough I kinda lost myself reading them. I don't know about your taste, but I like when the lyrics have structure, it's easier to read, otherwise some people are too lazy to read them, but not me! This has to be turned into music, man. Your lyrics are unique and I feel the rock in those words so much you can't even imagine. That's from the aspect of music, now let me say a few words about... words. While mentioning "A fire and an ice flame! Two opposite qualities! We'll be so knocked out!" you didn't have to explain the first sentence "A fire and an ice flame!" with "Two opposite qualities!", we get the metaphor, you know . Anyway, flames are my favorite subject when I write about love, passion, or even war. There's so many things you can combine with flames, and I see you use it well in this piece of art. Keep writing, but please make it easier to read for lazy readers. Don't think I'm lazy because I'm saying that, I'm not lazy because I read it.... oh whatever, what am I talking about . I hope I'll read more from you, cheers!

~Bard

To be true its very congested and in paragraph, if u would have oriented it, this one is a real successor.. Its honest and one can see your earning for the girl. If I must say the girl is really lucky to have a guy who can write to her.
Keep your good work. Looking forward to more of your work....

If you want to see the original head to
http://beryond13.blogspot.com/2013/05/lighter.html
original for better format!

Unique for lyrics. Do you hate commas? The last part is just repetitive and it's written more like a paragraph :/ I really don't believe "I am a lighter a fuel of flame,and I'll breathe fire to bless you well and drag you through hell and then to heaven so can deary love you!" is supposed to be a single line if it's lyrics. Break it down, yeah? Good job.

Okay first of all, you need to replace deary love you to dearly love you. Dearly is what you call a person but you actually want the adverb dearly to discribie how you love. Just throwing that out there for you.
Also are these lyrics? Because there is way too much repeating of certain lines to be a poem or a story. I hope it is so I don't see this repetitiveness again. Well keep up th good work... Sort of...

1. Format like a song with spacing, indicate chorus/stanzas, etc.

2. Get rid of 90% of your exclamation marks.

3. Will review.

Hey CardDragon!

I find these lyrics very romantic and a little bit posesive though it's not sick. You could use some spacing checks but aside from that I think it's genius.

You could put sounds into this! I guess it's a pretty lucky girl your muse --if she exists-- to have her own lyrics.

This is deep and very honest in my opinion.

Well to start off with I am Chuck. You can call me Dan for the period of this review.

These lyrics is amazing I loved the detail and the thought put into this.

You could however work on your spacing of the sentences.

Your lyrics have managed to incorporate religion, love, and many deep feelings for this loved one. If I may ask is this poem about someone you know?