A Single Second Chance

Boolovesyou wrote:Light screams from your eyes, I can tell that you're trying to add some imagery here, but I don't think 'screams' is the right word to use. Maybe you could say shines or something along those lines.
a bittersweet pain.
I stared awhile, You use past tense later on in this poem so you should change stare to stared.
stunned, unable to speak.
A single flake of snow
lands on your lip. Nice imagery!
A single tear slips.
You turn away.
I can see your hands clenched,
as you walk away. Again, good job with the imagery!
This, a moment I will not forget- I feel you should add a dash here because the next line should really be linked into this one. That's just my opinion.
A a single moment.
that changed my life and led to
My my downfall. I feel like when you just have the words 'my downfall' here, you are adding onto what you said in the line before it. It seems as though you were saying, it changed my life and my downfall. Make sense?
Words in my head collide,
like two trains destined for hell.
What is there without you?
Wait! I yell,
my tears falling for you.
You turn, and look back at me.
A single second chance.

Love it!! The ending brought it all together, made it so sweet and cute. I will now review.

Light screams from your eyes,I would use another word in place of screams. It just gives me a weird mental picture...
a bittersweet pain.Good line, bittersweet was the perfect word to use there.
I stare awhile,
stunned, unable to speak.Love it!
A single flake of snow
lands on your lip . Any reason for the space before the period?
A single tear slips.The other person is crying, right? Or are you the one crying? Make it more clear.
You turn away.I like the short sentences, it makes a feeling of slowness and hesitance. (If that's a word..)
I can see your hands clenched, Maybe just clench would sound better.
as you walk away.
This, a moment I will not forget.
A single moment. No period here, just leave it with no punctuation.
that changed my life.
My downfall. Sad.
Words in my head collide,
like two trains destine for hell.Destined.
What is there without you?I love this line!
Wait! I yell,
my tears falling for you.
You turn, and look back at me.
A single second chance.Great ending.

You have no reason to not be proud of this poem. It's actually quite good. I'm not much of a poetry buff, but I really did enjoy this

Two thumbs up Or, smiley, I guess.

Oh, beautiful. Crafted with the finest words. Consider my suggestions:

Light screams from your eyes,

This, a moment i will not forget.

What is there with out you?