This must be a night
That runs on the fingers of time.
Flying through the sky,
And whispering in my ears.
Spilling hated truths into my brain.
Will tonight fall
Into just another night of many?
He sits next to me,
Twirling my hair between his fingers.
Breathes run short
From his poisoned lungs.
This disease that’s eaten him
Multiplies with the consistency of rumors.
Even as, in this night,
He smiles as though the world is free.
Free of sickness and evil.
Glowing eyes full of love
Travel across my tear covered face.
Not even this cancer can kill his heart,
But it takes his light,
Dimming it slowly.
Until his hand falls limp
Into my lap.
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I can really relate to this. My Grandpa died a while back of cancer. I always am going to miss him, but even through all his pain he still smiled and laughed. It just goes to show how strong some people really are for others. And now the poem. For some reason, I get the impression that the two people are an old couple, but then when you say 'twirling my hair through my fingers' I get the impression they might be adults, or teenagers. Maybe you should write a bit more on how old the couple are. Like if they are elders 'Will the lifetime spent be stopped by a sickness?' Or if they are teenagers 'Why him? At such a young age?' I don't know. Those are only examples.
You had a good steady flow in this poem and it was quite sad, but I liked it.
Deanie x
I found this poem very special because I have recently had a family member in a serious condition in hospital. You have a very good use of metaphors etc and the best example would be lines such as "Runs on the fingers of time". I am not sure if you purposely or unpurposely chose to use the image of 'falling' throughout the first section of the poem as a symbol of death [as in time is inherently linked to the cycle of life]. Anyway that is something that I often use in my poems too; so I really liked the continuity of that symbol from "runs on fingers of time" to "will tonight fall". It seems that falling is always representative of loss and diminishment so that was a good choice.
If you can be bothered, I would like to know how you decide on the form of your poems because it was interesting to see how the first half of the piece has alternating lines of short and long structure. Is that intentional or not? I am trying to improve my formatting and need advice!
Thanks again, great poem you have there.